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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Abusive Partner - next steps

157 replies

mumof5cn · 01/04/2020 22:05

Don't know where to start so I will keep it brief but please ask me questions if need be.

I have 5 children. 14,12,7,2 and 7wks. Older 3 are from a previous relationship and youngest 2 from current relationship.

Been together 4 and half years. The domestic abuse towards me started about 3yrs ago in final months of pregnancy with our 2yr old son. Took me a very long time to accept what it was, bad would happen then things would become good and it went round and round in circles like that.

Anyway, to get to the point. He started a month or so ago saying nasty things to our 2yr old and calling him names. I told him not to do it and that it wasn't right and the damage and could do to our son. Again like how he is with me, it would stop then happen again. 2 days ago it got worse. He slapped him so hard that he left a big red hand mark on his leg. Then yesterday our son wouldn't pick up some toys my partner had asked him to so he lost his temper again calling him names then picked him up and threw him half way across the room by his arm on to the sofa then again stormed off into another room. I was mortified, I cried, my son was sobbing saying daddy pushed me daddy pushed me, I just held him and held him not knowing what the hell to do! With this lockdown I have felt I've had no choice or option to do anything.

Anyway, about an hour later he called me into the kitchen, I went out there shut the door leaving all 5 kids in front room. It turned into an argument between us, and basically ended in my 14yr old opening the door and walking in as he had just thrown me by my hair on the floor and I'm guessing was just about to do something further to hurt me. He very quickly left the house after that, shouting abuse.

I have packed all of his belongings and left them outside for him to collect. I texted him, telling him his things were outside waiting for him and to please stay away from us. He did not reply, I'm guessing his phone is dead like it usually is. He has not returned as far as I'm aware and his things are still where I left them.

He has keys to my house, so I have locked all doors from the inside and left keys in the doors so he can not get in, all windows are shut and curtains closed.

I do not want to see him, I do not want him to see our children, none of them want to see him either. My 2yr still today keeps mentioning that 'daddy pushed me' referring to him being thrown.

I know it is not acceptable for myself to be treated badly, that's one thing but to harm my child is something else! He has never hurt or been verbally abusive to my 3 older kids but I'm assuming he must think it's ok to do it to my 2yr old as he is his!?

I am scared. I feel trapped. I do not know what to do next or where to turn to. This lockdown is making it a whole lot worse to deal with.

One thing I do know is that I will never ever take him back. But what next?

OP posts:
pointythings · 09/04/2020 15:55

I'm so sorry. It must be heartbreaking for you to learn just how awful he really is. I hope it will lend you strength as you separate yourself completely and start your new life without him.

Weenurse · 10/04/2020 00:32

That is one sick family.
Glad you are away from them.

FabbyChix · 10/04/2020 02:00

I had kids with someone who abused me and took it for ten years then one day he started on the kids he was gone quick. No child should ever have abuse in their lives. Are you aware nurture is what makes a person. What they see hear and experience makes them who they are as an adult. By allowing them to live with tbis your teaching them it’s acceptable. It’s normal, that’s how ken treat woman. Sorry but I’d rather live in a hostel with nothng than not protect my kids from that environment. I’d also call police, non molestation, etc

mumsie8 · 10/04/2020 08:54

@Fabbychix you need to read the full thread. OP has gone above and beyond to do what she needs to do to protect her children and herself. It's all there in black and white.

Mummacake · 10/04/2020 14:44

Well done OP! Stay safe and ring police every single time he contacts you or comes near your home. Wishing you a peaceful Easter Flowers

mumof5cn · 25/04/2020 06:52

Well almost 3 weeks on, it's had its ups and a few downs, but the kids are so much happier.

OP posts:
Winterlife · 26/04/2020 02:14

You’re doing brilliantly, OP. Best wishes for you and your children. Cake

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