Abusive Partner - next steps

[mumof5cn]

Don't know where to start so I will keep it brief but please ask me questions if need be.

I have 5 children. 14,12,7,2 and 7wks. Older 3 are from a previous relationship and youngest 2 from current relationship.

Been together 4 and half years. The domestic abuse towards me started about 3yrs ago in final months of pregnancy with our 2yr old son. Took me a very long time to accept what it was, bad would happen then things would become good and it went round and round in circles like that.

Anyway, to get to the point. He started a month or so ago saying nasty things to our 2yr old and calling him names. I told him not to do it and that it wasn't right and the damage and could do to our son. Again like how he is with me, it would stop then happen again. 2 days ago it got worse. He slapped him so hard that he left a big red hand mark on his leg. Then yesterday our son wouldn't pick up some toys my partner had asked him to so he lost his temper again calling him names then picked him up and threw him half way across the room by his arm on to the sofa then again stormed off into another room. I was mortified, I cried, my son was sobbing saying daddy pushed me daddy pushed me, I just held him and held him not knowing what the hell to do! With this lockdown I have felt I've had no choice or option to do anything.

Anyway, about an hour later he called me into the kitchen, I went out there shut the door leaving all 5 kids in front room. It turned into an argument between us, and basically ended in my 14yr old opening the door and walking in as he had just thrown me by my hair on the floor and I'm guessing was just about to do something further to hurt me. He very quickly left the house after that, shouting abuse.

I have packed all of his belongings and left them outside for him to collect. I texted him, telling him his things were outside waiting for him and to please stay away from us. He did not reply, I'm guessing his phone is dead like it usually is. He has not returned as far as I'm aware and his things are still where I left them.

He has keys to my house, so I have locked all doors from the inside and left keys in the doors so he can not get in, all windows are shut and curtains closed.

I do not want to see him, I do not want him to see our children, none of them want to see him either. My 2yr still today keeps mentioning that 'daddy pushed me' referring to him being thrown.

I know it is not acceptable for myself to be treated badly, that's one thing but to harm my child is something else! He has never hurt or been verbally abusive to my 3 older kids but I'm assuming he must think it's ok to do it to my 2yr old as he is his!?

I am scared. I feel trapped. I do not know what to do next or where to turn to. This lockdown is making it a whole lot worse to deal with.

One thing I do know is that I will never ever take him back. But what next?

Good update.
Stay safe

You are so brave and so strong. Here's to a happy new life for you and your children. Well done OP

OP I have only just read what you have been going through. I'm so relieved that you found the strength to call the police, that he has now been arrested and you are now getting the support you need as a family. You are incredible. You found these courage to reach out for help and you took the advice, no matter how hard and how scary. Sending you love and strength xxx

Good to hear he's been caught & is currently locked away. Hopefully they will keep him for a while so you can feel safe/get locks changed etc..

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐well done you’ve been very brave your safe now and you little ones, very proud of you, my hearted stopped when I read first post.

Be proud of yourself. I’m so proud of you for calling the police.

Well done OP.

He was released with bail conditions not to come near us or contact me.

I spoke to his mother yesterday after he was arrested. In the conversation she mentioned that he already had a record as being a risk. I obviously questioned this and she told me that about 13yr ago him and an ex had a bad fight and her child was caught up in it all. I've never ever known anything about that!

The social worker visited me today, I questioned why I'd never been informed of this - especially as social services were briefly involved with ya this time last year after a domestic incident between me and him and the police attending. She told me that I should have been told and that in fact he has quite a history recorded with social services and the police!!!

I still feel physically sick!!

How could this have slipped by and me never made aware!?

The social worker is coming back Thursday with a copy of the report of his history, she said she can't give me a copy but I can read it in her presence. No names will be in it but I'm not silly, I'm sure I'll be able to work out most of it.

I'm upset, angry, disappointed and feel so let down.

@mumof5cn that is truly shocking if SS have been involved before, then you should have been informed them as it’s a safeguarding concern.

He is a known abuser and personally I would apply for a non molestation order etc, for both you and your DC. I would also really push for him not having any kind of access to his DC.

BLOODY HELL, OP!!! You have had a very narrow escape!!! I am even more proud of you now! No wonder you were so terrified of the bastard!!! I am so very pleased he’s out of your house!!! Hopefully he knows better than to come near you and your kid again!

@REignbow it is already pending I applied for it the day I reported it all to the police

Well done OP😊

You're wonderful, OP. In a short space of time you've turned your life upside down, faced your fears and protected your children. Once this has settled, please stay on this site to support the women who come after you.

Well done @mumof5cn, you really are on the ball with everything.

Stay strong and take any support offered that you can.

@mumof5cn you've done amazing your such a strong person keep remaining positive you've had a lucky escape

I am so proud of you. You are showing amazing strength and you children will know they have a mum who will fight for their safety. You now know he is a dangerous individual and you are taking the action needed to protect your family. What amazing things happened in a short time, you rock!

Well done op! Just goes to show, abusers always try to make you feel you wont be believed but the truth is of course you will. And obviously sometimes it turns out they've pulled the same shit before and know full well the game is up if they get reported again.

I hope you have your little boy see a gp just incase. For the mental trauma. When pos.

Stay safe!

I’d be filing a complaint over this OP. If you’d been made aware of this last year your son would likely never have had this horrible experience. That’s negligence on the part of SS. You can’t make decisions based on a history that’s withheld from you, and it should never have been withheld with young children involved. Definitely complain! It might make them more likely to pass on relevant information the next time this violent abusive arsehole involves himself with another mother. You must be so relieved he’s court mandated not to come near you and the kids. Well done to you, you’ve been so strong in this.

Police just called he was meant to be in court today but didn’t turn up the judge has issued a domestic violence protection order which is basically an emergency injunction that is valid for 28 days til I get the proper injunction in place

Could you and the little ones go somewhere else for a few days? Otherwise, keep those keys in the locks and maybe tell your neighbours too so they can help keep watch.

Another call from the police. The officer that interviewed him told me he went no comment all the way thru. They say they do not have enough evidence and therefore are closing the case and leaving it with social services now. They are satisfied that I have protection in place now.

Well tbf you have the injunction so just call the police if he shows up again. Every time.

@mumof5cn I'm sure social service will go above and beyond for you and your children safety keep strong you've done amazing so far

Just when I was doing so well I've been kicked down.

The social worker visited earlier with the information of his past. It was not what I expected.

There is 1 arrest with threat to kill a partner and her baby and 2 arrests on the assault of a partner. He was never charged as she did not want to support a prosecution. The thing is, these dates were while I was in a relationship with him and knew nothing about this! He must have been leading a double life all the time we were together 😭

Oh my god, @mumof5cn! This man has no conscience! Obviously his mother hasn’t either! (His mother must know something about this, or she wouldn’t have mentioned it to you...) I’m so sorry, darling. You haven't done anything to deserve this. He’s a very bad person!