Sorry but what the fuck.

[Mummyzzz044]

Where do I start?.

Me and my partner in bedroom and i could see his snapchat open and a pretty long message, men being men they usually have one sentence convo, so being nosey I was like who's that? He said his friend "Josh and clicked off the convo.

So by his face I could tell it was not Josh, asked to see. He keeps saying no looking awkward as fuck.

Eventually he shows me, conversation deleted. But it's a girl.

I lost my shit and after talking he told me it's a girl who will NOT leave him alone. Keeps saying if he doesnt meet her that she will report him for things he hasn't done.

Me thinking bullshit messages her, asking was it true, now thats when things got really weird and she said no they are friends, and that I better not try and stop her from contacting him. That she will find our house and come see him because they are friends.

So I just said that's strange and if I'm honest believe him.

Now his phone has been ringing continuously for hours on private number and when he answers you can just hear breathing down the phone. Not saying anything.

I'm scared now, I believe him. Hes a very decent lad usually, lying to my face was a shock but we have a very happy relationship. So cheating never crossed my mind it was the awkwardness that made me question it.

He says him and his friends met her years ago at their local pub, They never even spoke in person she was just amongst them. After the pub meeting is when the messages started. Years ago!! He said she goes quiet for 3 months then starts again. He said he will get his friends here to confirm.

I'm actually terrified of who she is.

Well thanks for everyone opinions, I still am confused but he's not budging on the story at all!. Not sure what next.

Two thing that make me doubt his story. When you caught him, why was it "Josh" who was messaging and why didn't he just come clean? Secondly, why did he delete the messages? If he has been monitoring her to make sure she doesn't get too weird, why would he delete the evidence? I also think there has been more going on here than he is telling. Maybe he had a one night stand with her and she has been contacting him ever since or something like that?

*I was like who's that? He said his friend "Josh and clicked off the convo.

So by his face I could tell it was not Josh, asked to see. He keeps saying no looking awkward as fuck.

Eventually he shows me, conversation deleted. But it's a girl.*

The words and actions at this moment are the only ones you can judge. This is what YOU saw and heard. The rest is smoke and mirrors. Keep going back to this point.

What's your gut saying OP?

Do you feel like you now know everything and he'll approach this issue as a team now?

Or is there a lingering feeling you still don't know the whole story?

Be really honest with yourself - also are you living together during lockdown?

Tell your boyfriend to screenshot the messages she sends and tell her if she doesn’t fuck off then you’ll be posting the messages where she’s saying she will report him or x y and z on social media for all to see. Obviously don’t post them but might make her back off if she thinks she will be exposed as a liar

But what I did notice last night was the contact in his phone was "name 'new' and I was like so you added her new number? In which he said he was keeping track of all the numbers shes used to contact him.

What a load of crap. He’s lying.

Sounds really shady OP. Has he slept with her and she’s been blackmailing him? Why the fuck hadn’t he blocked her ages ago?

No way is there not more to this. He’s telling you she’s unhinged so that you won’t believe anything she says. Classic cheaters tactic.

He can get a new phone number if he’s that worried.

Doesn’t Snap Chat show your location?

If he has her new number on snapchat then he accepted her for a second time. Why?

Some of the story might be true. Probably only a small bit.

I would assume he has slept with her at least once.

Can you remember the expression on his face when he was reading the messages? Did he look worried? Scared?

He has lied to you from the start of your relationship. Not about something that happened 5 years ago. But about something that is happening every few weeks/months.

That's a lot of lies. I would assume he is still lying.

Oh please don’t say you actually believe these lies he’s told you?

Come on OP...

The action and the lie with the most weight was the first ones - he lied and said it was Josh, looked awkward and then he deleted. WHY?

Concentrate on solely this.

Don’t get side tracked by the evolving, convoluted stories - they are a deliberate distraction.

I posted before and said stalking is a thing and this all comes down to how much you trust him. The point at which he is happy to share everything that is happening with you, report her for harassment, discuss it openly with friends that know about it with you included in the conversation is when you'll know he's telling the truth. Like others I think there may be something he's feeling guilty about here, maybe he snogged her on a drunken night out, maybe more than that...but if he is not completely open with you about this then you don't have much hope.

It does sound like she is persisting with contacting him and threatening him (e.g. getting him done for drunk driving) which is unusual and does point to stalker behaviour whatever happened between them in the past.

You are best placed to judge what's going on here, don't ignore gut feeling.

*All of the PP on here who have been stalked or have a partner who has been stalked:

Did you/they not tell anyone else?
Did you/they hide and delete texts once partner saw the text?

Did you/they delete all their messages?

Did you/they save their new numbers and accept them as a friend in snap chat?

Why was he happy to share the texts with his friends but not with you?**

DH told his mates long before telling me because the messages were about me (accusing me of infidelity and he never believed them for a second). His mates had met her many years ago when DH did. He also deleted messages after I had seen them because he didn't like the content and wanted to hide away from it all. Only when she escalated were they kept for evidence.

DH accepted her friends requests on certain platforms (FB and Snapchat) but he had no idea she was a stalker yet. He later allowed her to follow/see his Twitter when she started to get a bit.... iffy. Before she escalated too much but was still being inappropriate. This was a mistake and was more for curiosity of where the batshittery was heading.

Even after her conviction, her number is stored in our phones in case she starts up again.

Not saying the OP's man is being truthful, but that was our experience. I took DH's stalking seriously a very, very long time before he ever did. But DH is rather naive and complacent.

Doesn’t Snap Chat show your location?

Only if you allow it to.

Any update op?

Not really much of an update, his story has stuck. And believe me we have talked and talked and talked and he's not changed his story. So I must be an idiot because I believe it... I know most will think no way, but I do.

But... he still lied for a very long time and didn't think he could share the information with me, so I think something is really lost in our relationship. And now I don't really trust him. I believe the story, but he isn't as open and honest as I originally thought, in a simple way if that makes sense. He's always just been what you see is what you get. So I'm so disappointed

Thank you all for taking the time out to reply.

It must be v tough for you and sting to be so let down even if it is true.

However what happens now?

Is the crazy stalker still calling and texting?

Or has this stopped?

Has he agreed to contact the police?

What’s his plan to manage this going forward?

What does he know about her? Does he know where she lives? Where she works?

God he is so obviously lying. I have been stalked - I changed my number and deleted all social media etc to get away from him - I didn't keep letting him get in touch with me. I feel bad for you that you believe this. I bet if you actually reported the crime he would meltdown and confess because the guy is chatting bollocks

So why delete the message? And why’s he indulging her in conversation and not blocking her?
Op that’s weird.

I don’t think your boyfriend is innocent in this.

I don’t think your boyfriend is innocent in this.

Neither do I. There's more to this. He's bored of your relationship and wants more of your attention and more drama. It's shitty the way he's getting sympathy from you when he's not entirely innocent.

Also, he's got some growing up to do.

I second reporting this to the Police to see how he reacts. Or maybe just tell him that you have......

it all depends on what is he suggesting / prepared to do now. If he goes along with reporting her, and/or you discuss what to do with phone calls etc, then he's believable.
It could be that at some point he was simply flattered (how is he with self esteem, OP ?), not at all necceraily snogged/slept with her (in fact I'm sure not - when you confronted her so directly she would have blurted it out).

He might now feel guilty about that - encouraging her for the embarassing reason of her flattering his ego. And when he had enough, she didnt want to aggravate her what with her threats/history.

He just sound weak really, like she's overpowered hin somewhat.

*he didn't want to aggravate

Whether he is lying or not, she is still calling your house like a loon and breathing down the phone right? (Presuming your partner is in the room when this is happening). So uess he has conned a mate into acting for you, you are dealing with a stalker. You need to speak with the police.

*unless he has