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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sorry but what the fuck.

150 replies

Mummyzzz044 · 27/03/2020 19:51

Where do I start?.

Me and my partner in bedroom and i could see his snapchat open and a pretty long message, men being men they usually have one sentence convo, so being nosey I was like who's that? He said his friend "Josh and clicked off the convo.

So by his face I could tell it was not Josh, asked to see. He keeps saying no looking awkward as fuck.

Eventually he shows me, conversation deleted. But it's a girl.

I lost my shit and after talking he told me it's a girl who will NOT leave him alone. Keeps saying if he doesnt meet her that she will report him for things he hasn't done.

Me thinking bullshit messages her, asking was it true, now thats when things got really weird and she said no they are friends, and that I better not try and stop her from contacting him. That she will find our house and come see him because they are friends.

So I just said that's strange and if I'm honest believe him.

Now his phone has been ringing continuously for hours on private number and when he answers you can just hear breathing down the phone. Not saying anything.

I'm scared now, I believe him. Hes a very decent lad usually, lying to my face was a shock but we have a very happy relationship. So cheating never crossed my mind it was the awkwardness that made me question it.

He says him and his friends met her years ago at their local pub, They never even spoke in person she was just amongst them. After the pub meeting is when the messages started. Years ago!! He said she goes quiet for 3 months then starts again. He said he will get his friends here to confirm.

I'm actually terrified of who she is.

OP posts:
Mummyzzz044 · 27/03/2020 21:39

No we are not teenagers late 20's.

Forgot to mention just before I blocked her after asking her was she harassing him and her acting odd, and threatening not to break contact she wrote "tell him to call me". Like odd.

He says it's as weird and simple as it sounds. They all were in a pub he didnt speak to her directly in the pub, his friend give the number, she added him on snapchat. He said it started simple talk, she would ask him out and he would politely decline and then she would turn nasty about it. Threaten. Then go quiet for a couple of weeks and so on so on.

I believe him. I just think he has dealt with it poorly unfortunately there doesnt always have to be feelings involved, sounds like she's just that weird.

She knows the area he's from but not the house. He said she constantly asks which house and he tells her he's moved or working out of town. He has kept it going so long because he was 'scared she would ruin his reputation for work " because shes that weird.

I dont know my heads a little frazzled from it. The calls have really concerned me because she was just breathing. Nothing else.

If someone would have messaged me saying that their boyfriends say I'm stalking them my reaction would be very different

OP posts:
Mintlegs · 27/03/2020 21:44

This sounds so odd, I don’t know what to think. Why would he keep engaging for with messages for all this time? Have you asked her if anything has gone in? How she got his number?

Mummyzzz044 · 27/03/2020 21:50

@mintlegs. Thats the problem I have. The time it has gone on for. But he just says he humoured it. Like kind of made excuses and eventually she would just go quiet. And he could deal with every month or every two or three. And if he replied as I said would get bored. But if he ignored would turn weird and nasty. I just dont get why he didnt block her!!!!.

That's what makes no sense to me.

To be honest when I messaged I expected a conversation to happen. But it was clear with all the LOL it wasnt going to happen. All she wanted was to speak with him.

Forgot to mention too!! Sorry.. she sent a message like "I haven't even seen "jamie " in ages" then after put sorry wrong person. Like its not normal behaviour from someone who's just been accused of being a stalker and I'd swear I was talking to a 17 year old. Then I did actually block her lol

OP posts:
WwfLeopard · 27/03/2020 21:50

Seriously, if a stranger was messing/stalking me 5 years ago, why would they be on my Snapchat now? If it was that one sided I’d get a new number ? Block on everything? Don’t think you have the full story here

Mummyzzz044 · 27/03/2020 21:51

And the friend give the number as a joke because they thought of her as a bit of a joke... well not anymore!!

OP posts:
MonkeyDishwasher · 27/03/2020 21:54

Why not just tell your partner that you are going to report it to the police, end of discussion. Then see what he says. Call his bluff. That way you'll know for sure what the truth is. He won't let you report this unless it's completely true... Well unless he's just a complete idiot, I suppose.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/03/2020 21:54

Well..... She's got balls on her like Arnie... She's way too confident... which makes me think She has something on Him... She says jump He says how high... I agree with the other posters that says His behaviour suggests there is way more to this... You have to 'Accept' someone on Snapchat to receive messages... Sorry OP but I'm not buying his innocence in this ... whether he's been an idiot and engaging or it's gone much father... only time will tell.. but He's not an innocent party... IMO Flowers

good luck getting to the bottom of it...

Mummyzzz044 · 27/03/2020 21:55

@wwfleopard

That's what I keep saying why put up with it. He just says she has a dangerous mouth and doesnt want her saying stuff that she was threatened to say. I asked has she every threatened sexual stuff and he said no.
He keeps saying he's not "street wise" and its just the way he dealt with it.

Whether there is more to the story I don't know. We've been going over it for hours and hours now and his story isn't budging.

Great time to be self isolating with someone.

OP posts:
Minnie888 · 27/03/2020 21:55

I think he is lying sorry OP. Call his bluff and say you are phoning the police, that'll get the truth.

AnyFucker · 27/03/2020 21:56

There is nothing more green as cabbage-like

You must be desperate, op, if you believe this pile of bollocks. I am cringing for you

Mintlegs · 27/03/2020 21:56

Yes as other posters say, something does not add up. Could you call his bluff like other posters have suggested?

Snowman123 · 27/03/2020 21:57

Why did he delete the conversation?

MonkeyDishwasher · 27/03/2020 21:57

There's being honest, and then there's just being a dick...

Mummyzzz044 · 27/03/2020 21:58

That was my thought. Yeah she's harassing him but she's got something. Because as someone said she is VERY confident. But I honestly don't think I'll get to the bottom of it.

And he does seem so genuine in what he's saying but I dont know when you're in the situation you can be blinded

OP posts:
Mummyzzz044 · 27/03/2020 21:59

@AnyFucker you are a keyboard warrior. Bless. But I'm looking for support not harsh words.

OP posts:
MonkeyDishwasher · 27/03/2020 22:01

Yeah I think anyfucker is having a bad day/ month/ life!

Seriously, just confront him and tell him you're going straight to the police. His reaction will confirm the real truth.

Poppi89 · 27/03/2020 22:01

She does seem unhinged but then again I wouldn't believe everything your partners saying. How did she get his number? Surely if this was 5 years ago why has he not blocked her number/snapchat? If you've been together for 4 years why has this not happened before?

BackseatCookers · 27/03/2020 22:01

I'm tempted to believe that something happened like a snog and she's had it hanging over him, so he's let this go on way too long scared of her spilling the beans instead of just telling you the truth because he's been too scared too. That's based on nothing but this thread and experience, so I might be way off obviously.

However regardless of anything that's happened with them in the past, if the following bit IS true then he needs to do something to deal with this because his current strategy isn't exactly working is it?

He said he always replied saying oh he can't he's working. But trying to keep her sweet so she didn't get worse. He said years ago he screenshot her messages and sent them to friends and things got worse and she accused him of drink driving, drugs etc etc.

Did he screenshot her messages and share them taking the piss out of her? Probably not the wisest move if someone is clearly unhinged already...

BackseatCookers · 27/03/2020 22:02

He said his friends did it as a joke because she was (unattractive) but they didn't realise what she was.

Also to be honest his mates sound like absolute cunts. Giving out a mates number to a girl they think is ugly because that's funny to them... Jesus wept. Cringing for them.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/03/2020 22:03

He keeps saying he's not "street wise" and its just the way he dealt with it

Street wise enough to keep it a secret and delete all correspondence all this time though right ? Hmm

AnyFucker · 27/03/2020 22:04

However "harsh" I am you can bet his contempt for you is a thousandfold if you swallow this

Poppi89 · 27/03/2020 22:04

Why did he delete the conversation?

I forgot about this bit! Nobody would delete the conversation unless something was going on

Mintlegs · 27/03/2020 22:04

It’s the dishonesty of not telling you for 4 years!! Something doesn’t add up! Is he normally so timid regarding other matters?

MonkeyDishwasher · 27/03/2020 22:07

This reply has been deleted

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Yallreadyforthis · 27/03/2020 22:08

His friends gave her your boyfriend's number as a joke because she is unattractive.
Nice!

And seems like a crap story.
He kept this quiet for this long? There's no reason on the planet to keep it all quiet for so long.