Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sorry but what the fuck.

150 replies

Mummyzzz044 · 27/03/2020 19:51

Where do I start?.

Me and my partner in bedroom and i could see his snapchat open and a pretty long message, men being men they usually have one sentence convo, so being nosey I was like who's that? He said his friend "Josh and clicked off the convo.

So by his face I could tell it was not Josh, asked to see. He keeps saying no looking awkward as fuck.

Eventually he shows me, conversation deleted. But it's a girl.

I lost my shit and after talking he told me it's a girl who will NOT leave him alone. Keeps saying if he doesnt meet her that she will report him for things he hasn't done.

Me thinking bullshit messages her, asking was it true, now thats when things got really weird and she said no they are friends, and that I better not try and stop her from contacting him. That she will find our house and come see him because they are friends.

So I just said that's strange and if I'm honest believe him.

Now his phone has been ringing continuously for hours on private number and when he answers you can just hear breathing down the phone. Not saying anything.

I'm scared now, I believe him. Hes a very decent lad usually, lying to my face was a shock but we have a very happy relationship. So cheating never crossed my mind it was the awkwardness that made me question it.

He says him and his friends met her years ago at their local pub, They never even spoke in person she was just amongst them. After the pub meeting is when the messages started. Years ago!! He said she goes quiet for 3 months then starts again. He said he will get his friends here to confirm.

I'm actually terrified of who she is.

OP posts:
NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 28/03/2020 10:53

Hes told me shes had a boyfriend sent to prison for hitting her and I've googled her name and its true. He said the lad did not hit her

While I accept that miscarriages of justice do occur — occasionally — I think it unlikely that he was imprisoned for nothing.

I suspect that there's a lot more to this than meets he eye but unfortunately I don't have a crystal ball so I don't know exactly what. I suspect it will unravel, given time: usually does.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 28/03/2020 11:02

I don't think that you're silly. Or naive. And I'm really sorry that you're going through this Flowers

thecatsarecrazy · 28/03/2020 11:30

If a man is caught out of course he will say shes crazy. How would she have his snapchat and phone number. If she was that crazy he would block and change number. Not hard is it. Hes just been caught out

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 28/03/2020 11:49

Hes told me shes had a boyfriend sent to prison for hitting her and I've googled her name and its true. He said the lad did not hit her

Also to add to that. You saw an article where a man was sent to prison. It did not say he was wrongly sent to prison. Takes quite a lot for someone to be given a jail sentence.

MsTSwift · 28/03/2020 11:52

My friends now dh had this. A girl from his university stalked him she was abit unhinged. Fortunately for him by utter coincidence we all knew this girl as she lived near us and she had form for being abit odd

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/03/2020 12:08

It's the "I'm just an un-smart guy" and the initial refusal to call the police which would do it for me. Is he desperately trying right now to report it or has that gone on the back burner already?

As PPs have said, there was a perfectly simple way to end this completely and instead of taking it he's just giving silly excuses. It seems to make no sense because there isn't any sense in it, and on current form he's unlikely to ever give you the full story

So what really counts in the end is whether you feel he's worth all this trouble he's bringing upon you

SpoonBlender · 28/03/2020 12:22

Come on people, she's clearly a loony with proper MH issues. No-one converses like that with OP if they're all okay in the head.

OhCaptain · 28/03/2020 12:25

Maybe she is a “loony”.

But that doesn’t mean that the man couldn’t have blocked her from literally day one, and not given it a chance to escalate...

pigdogridesagain · 28/03/2020 12:27

My ex cheated on me with a " loony"! My point is yes the person he cheated with is absolutely nuts, stalking, abusing me, ranting messages etc, however he was saying one thing to me and something different to her! Yes she's mad but her behaviour was partly down to him!

Gutterton · 28/03/2020 12:36

All of the PP on here who have been stalked or have a partner who has been stalked:

Did you/they not tell anyone else?
Did you/they hide and delete texts once partner saw the text?

Did you/they delete all their messages?

Did you/they save their new numbers and accept them as a friend in snap chat?

Why was he happy to share the texts with his friends but not with you?

She does sound like and unhinged stalker - but I suspect their is also some history here more than they have never ever spoken?

DivaRainbow · 28/03/2020 12:36

Op if you hold the messages in snapchat it will turn grey and that means it has been saved. I strongly advise you to keep a record of all interactions, If she sends a snap you can take a picture on your phone so that she is not aware that you have screenshotted.

Though to be honest it sounds like she may have something over him which he is scared she will reveal if he goes to the police. Take care of yourself and dont make any big decisions right now.

Gutterton · 28/03/2020 12:37

Was he relieved that he was able to share this burden with you?

Or was he defensive?

Gutterton · 28/03/2020 12:39
  • I was like who's that? He said his friend "Josh and clicked off the convo.

So by his face I could tell it was not Josh, asked to see. He keeps saying no looking awkward as fuck.

Eventually he shows me, conversation deleted. But it's a girl.*

This is all that matters.
His initial reaction.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 28/03/2020 12:39

Has Snapchat even been around for five years?

PamelaPupkin · 28/03/2020 12:56

Sorry op but you’re a mug.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/03/2020 13:04

No-one converses like that with OP if they're all okay in the head

Maybe not, but the woman who stalked my ex turned out to be a prostitute who'd been blackmailing him for years and panicked because he'd run out of available money

Just saying ...

BackseatCookers · 28/03/2020 13:38

But what I did notice last night was the contact in his phone was "name 'new' and I was like so you added her new number? In which he said he was keeping track of all the numbers shes used to contact him.

Sorry OP but he's spinning you a yarn here I think Thanks

Isitsixoclockalready · 28/03/2020 13:44

@thecatsarecrazy she does sound very odd if you've read through all the posts. None of us know for certain if his version of events stack up but it is possible that she could be not the full ticket even if it does turn out that they had had some kind of relationship at some point.

ChristmasFluff · 28/03/2020 13:44

She's a piss-poor stalker if she didn't know you're his GF before now.

When the abusive ex was stalking me, he'd know if I'd had a chat with the man who ran the hardware store, let alone if I'd gone on a date.

People who are being stalked may not block their stalker - but they do keep the messages. That's because they are not doing anything wrong - the other person is, and they want to have proof.

People who are being stalked also tend to go to the Police - because stalkers almost universally up the ante in their attempts to get to the object of their 'affection'. The fact she disappears for months - well, maybe she'd stay disappeared if he wasn't messaging her?

It also seems odd that in all this time, he hasn't googled what to do about a stalker, and read the information to not respond to them in any way whatsoever.

This all makes me think that this isn't a true stalking situation.

Idontwantthis · 28/03/2020 13:53

He’s absolutely lying.

BackseatCookers · 28/03/2020 14:04

She's a piss-poor stalker if she didn't know you're his GF before now.

This is a really good point I hadn't thought of.

CaramelBuff · 28/03/2020 14:52

Even if he’s 100% truthful and he’s done nothing wrong and she’s stalking him, do you want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t open up to you? It’s a pretty big secret to keep.

zonkin · 28/03/2020 15:07

I agree with those that say that he is lying

famousforwrongreason · 28/03/2020 17:00

The whole thing is complete and utter bullshit. It's the stupidest story I've heard for a while.
If it was a child hiding those messages I might be more inclined to believe it but an adult?! Nah, does not add up.

goldpartyhat · 28/03/2020 18:12

Maybe total honesty now and he shows you everything she sends and every contact she makes. Maybe it's will become clearer whether he is telling the truth or not.