Sorry but what the fuck.

[Mummyzzz044]

Where do I start?.

Me and my partner in bedroom and i could see his snapchat open and a pretty long message, men being men they usually have one sentence convo, so being nosey I was like who's that? He said his friend "Josh and clicked off the convo.

So by his face I could tell it was not Josh, asked to see. He keeps saying no looking awkward as fuck.

Eventually he shows me, conversation deleted. But it's a girl.

I lost my shit and after talking he told me it's a girl who will NOT leave him alone. Keeps saying if he doesnt meet her that she will report him for things he hasn't done.

Me thinking bullshit messages her, asking was it true, now thats when things got really weird and she said no they are friends, and that I better not try and stop her from contacting him. That she will find our house and come see him because they are friends.

So I just said that's strange and if I'm honest believe him.

Now his phone has been ringing continuously for hours on private number and when he answers you can just hear breathing down the phone. Not saying anything.

I'm scared now, I believe him. Hes a very decent lad usually, lying to my face was a shock but we have a very happy relationship. So cheating never crossed my mind it was the awkwardness that made me question it.

He says him and his friends met her years ago at their local pub, They never even spoke in person she was just amongst them. After the pub meeting is when the messages started. Years ago!! He said she goes quiet for 3 months then starts again. He said he will get his friends here to confirm.

I'm actually terrified of who she is.

I just said to him about the police thing. He feels pathetic but said yes.

Yeah I agree that I do feel there is more to the story I'm just not getting it!.

Yeah the mate he is on about I don't like, he comes across as a dick and this wouldnt surprise me.

He screenshot the messages threatening years ago and I think they all brushed it off but said how weird it was and apparently she would get nasty. I think they fucked with the wrong girl.

It just doesn't make sense why he didn't block her

@Mintlegs he never shows much emotion. If he's stressed or upset it will take a while to get it out of him. Not 4 years mind.

Well, it's good that he agreed about the police, but you need to follow through now. Tell him to phone the police, and don't take no for an answer. Good luck!

As regards her behaviour, if it worries or scares you at all, as it has, then you have every right to report her. What happens thereafter is up the police.

It just doesn't make sense why he didn't block her

Exactly. It doesn't make sense, because he's not telling the whole truth.

Why wouldn't he have come to you at some point at the last four years and said fuck me theres this nutter sending me weird message what am I gonna do?!

If he hadn't done something you would be upset about then he wouldn't have hidden it from you and covered tracks OP.

Don't be a mug.

Even if she is genuinely a lunatic then what? He expects you to be happy with him keeping her sweet or sending random replies? If she's this unhinged then does he not think she might start harassing you? Isn't he concerned about that at all?

I'd sit him down and say right let's start this conversation again because we both know the one we've had so far isn't the whole truth. So let's talk about it like adults and discuss our options.

And finally think about the company someone keeps. I wouldn't be mates with someone who gave my number to a stranger because they thought it would be funny as they considered that stranger to be ugly. I'd just think that mate was an arsehole not worth the effort of a friendship with. You can learn a lot about someone from the company they choose to keep.

He could have confided in you about this and tackled it together, or been adult enough to deal with it himself. He's at best been deceitful and cowardly, at worst deceitful and disloyal.

Years ????? She's been harassing/messaging for years ?

Why has he not told me this before!!!

Yes, why hasn’t he?

I'm a police officer and it does not surprise me that he hasn't blocked her. The amount of people who are being stalked/harassed on social media and via phones that don't block the person is unreal.The victim usually fears that if they completely block,they would have no way of knowing what the person was going to do next.It seems to make the victim feel more in control,when they are able to gauge the persons current mood.It's really not uncommon.In my experience though,the man has usually had a one night stand,realised his mistake and left the lady feeling used and bitter. He probably didn't want to hurt her,so told her they would be friends.To pacify her,he's met up with her once or twice over the years is my guess. I've dealt with one where there was a secret love child after a one night stand!

Sorry OP, he’s playing you for a fool and deep down you know it.

You’ve given excuse after excuse for his actions and it sounds like you’re desperately trying to believe them. But if you really think he is being truthful you wouldn’t have made this post.

IF it was all true then you have been in a relationship for 4 years with a man who has been keeping a secret from you. If he really thought this girl was nuts and she’s been driving around stalking him, why didn’t he tell you for your safety.

You know it’s bullshit. I’m really sorry.

It could be that he cheated or maybe he’s been flirting or sexting over snapchat. But whatever it is, he’s trying to cover his tracks by making out she’s crazy.

Think about it - if he was worried she would accuse him of assaulting her (like she supposedly did to her ex) wouldn’t it make more sense for you to be aware of that situation?

@BackseatCookers ... My thoughts exactly.

I hope you get to the bottom of this OP, it seems like he's avoiding telling you something.

He’s lying to you.

He is 100%, blindingly obviously lying to you.

It’s actually mad sitting here reading your posts about believing him.

I actually do believe his version of events, not least because of what @Lolalovesroses says. DP had a stalker who got more and more obsessed with him - and then with me as a result. I kept saying to him that she scared the fuck out of me, and he kept saying 'oh, she's fine, a bit odd, don't worry about her.' Then she just vanished almost overnight, which was even more disconcerting.
It took him two years to admit the truth to me - that he'd eventually gone to the police about her because she was obviously watching his house, my house, both sets of DC. He kept it from me at the time because he knew how freaked out I was. It was when she said something like 'sadeyed didn't look great in her black coat today, although her DD was dancing next to her' that he realised she was only ever going to get worse, so went to the Police and then blocked her across everything. Up until then, he'd just been polite but distant, in case she escalated things.

I went fucking batshit at him when I found out he'd hidden all this from me. But much like the OP, he wanted to keep an eye on what she was saying and doing, without doing anything that might provoke her, or make me worry more.

Stalking is a thing. My husband has a stalker who latched onto him when he was young - she kept at it for nearly 20 years with zero encouragement from him. She doesn't know where he lives anymore and he is low key on social media but we know she has tried to find him. If she is a stalker she may make stuff up about her relationship with him, so it will really come down to how much you trust him.

bollocks

Block her number?

Snapchat deleted them automatically unfortunately. Not any more, you choose how long it stays there for.

He's clearly holding a lot back and kept this from you for your entire relationship.

How the fuck has he kept this a secret from you for FOUR years???
And why???
Surely if it’s innocent and she keeps threatening shit you would have known about it ?

Every time I caught my ex husband messaging a woman he’d always so ‘oh her? She’s mad/mental/bi-polar’ etc. Every single one of them. Coincidentally all stunning and lovely his type.

An unattractive joke. What a bunch if lying cunts.

The last time I heard of a situation just like this, him & her had a child together and he was blackmailing the mother into not telling his new partner about the baby or else maintenance would stop! 😡 Yet understandably, the mother was furious and so starting harassing the other woman but not really saying anything of interest but was trying to do everything she could to split them up...

I'm not suggesting that is the case here!! I just think there's more too it than you know...

When something doesn’t add up or doesn’t make sense it’s usually with good reason.
I know this from being a mug in many relationships and from accepting ridiculous lies and excuses because some people are good liars or very persuasive or we just don’t want to believe someone could treat us that way.

I reckon the "his friends gave her his number part" is probably "he has a one night stand with her". After that I'd believe the rest of his story.

My husband had a stalker.

He dated 'Julie' for a month or two when he was about 21 and she was about 18. A casual, met in a nightclub kind of thing, later meeting at weekends and that was it. She dumped him when she was due to start Uni, he shrugged, he moved on.

15 years later DH was married to me and we have 3 kids. We're one of those couples who are constantly together when not at work. We do the grocery shopping together, the school runs together and everything, even popping to the corner shop is often both of us. So, I had no issue saying, "That's nice" when DH said he's had a friends request from a lass he dated as a youngster. I didn't think anything of it.

About a month or two later he confessed something. He didn't want to tell me because I'd be insulted. It turns out she had started out all nice and polite talking about their lives, then she'd started saying things like, "So are all the kids yours?". DH has laughed at that and said of course. Over the next few days she "revealed" the truth to him. She knew a mutual friend and the kids weren't all his. They were gathered by a man from my hometown (as listed on my public FB page). He told her politely she was wrong and deleted the messages. I hadn't ever been back to my hometown in years without DH and as a guest of my family of course he had been with me every second of the visits. Our kids were planned and all were the absolute spitting image of DH too.

BUT, DH deleted the accusatory messages. He didn't like them. He didn't want me to see them. He was a fool.

It did escalate with her messaging our families, inventing a child that she had apparently got pregnant with when her and DH had dated and then she began threatening DH with arrest for him for refusal to pay child support for the last 15 years, telling him there'd had been judgements against him and warrants out for his arrest, he had calls to his work pretending to be the police and even messages to our eldest daughter and telling her that her dad was not really her dad. Julie did end up in court and as it turned out, she had done it before with someone else. She was found guilty.

So even though DH acted stupidly hiding messages from her and deleting some, it didn't mean there was infidelity and yes, stalkers do exist.

And @Lolalovesroses is spot on. Neither of us blocked her until the police asked us to after finding and speaking to her. They initially didn't want to do anything about it and shrugged it off but agreed to speak to her on our behalf. Apparently she was "extremely belligerent to say the least" when they spoke to her and as such they had decided to pursue the matter now.

We didn't want to block her because it did make us feel safer having an idea of what the fuck she was up to from day to day. Also, I'm happy to say, that we would have had little evidence had she not been able to send the messages. The phone call to DH's work for example, claiming to be the police and them wanting to come and arrest him for the very same things Julie had accused him of online made it pretty clear that it was likely her impersonating the police.

I'm glad we didn't block. Her quickly as it helped the guilty verdict.

I'm going to bet this isn't the first lie he's told you, or the first time you've been this naive.

He has the Snapchat conversation set to delete. I would break up with him just for this. This is very obvious. He has no respect for you. Doesn't matter if he has or hasn't "done anything" with her. It's the fact he has lied to you. And that he was keeping this a secret from you. Didn't want you to know anything about it. I would never trust someone who deletes messages. Covering his tracks so he is.