Can’t believe I did this

[DontKnowWhatToDo2019]

Not my usual username. Just called 101 because H got pissed, threw/smashed a load of stuff, and slapped me (lightly, and to be fair I then slapped him back), before he threw more stuff around.

I know the police have better things to do, and I know I’m not innocent here, and I know he’d be fine and extremely apologetic in the morning.

I just can’t believe it got to this.

You did the right thing. Do not excuse his behaviour!

I’ve wasted their time haven’t I?

Absolutely not. That is domestic violence.

You absolutely have not wasted anyone's time. Are you safe now?

Not wasting their time at all are you ok?

It probably seems like these small things happen quite often or it's been a natural progression to this but in reality, this isn't how things should be at all. And really, you probably know that. But just chat to us OP, about anything.

Thank you, more than I can say. They’ve taken him into custody for the night and I’ve cleaned up most of the mess.

Call womens aid tomorrow, have you children with this virtuous example of manliness?

We both drink quite heavily, I’m not innocent in that respect. But he can get verbally abusive. Only been one previous incident where he threw/smashed stuff and that was years ago.

I guess I’m saying I’m as bad as him? And I’m just over reacting.

@justforthisnow thankfully no, only dogs who he didn’t give a shit if they cut themselves on the mess. Tbh, that makes me more angry.

OP step back from the situation and read your OP to yourself. Imagine your daughter, your sister, your mother or your best friend telling you this had happened to them. What would your advice be?

Now apply that same advice to yourself. (Unless that advice was to suck it up). You really deserve more and owe yourself a better life.

I’m sorry, you all also have more important things to deal with right now.

Op how long ago did this incident happen?

No, you're not as bad as him, although slapping him back was wrong, what he did was worse. You can only control your own behaviour. You aren't responsible for his.

But you do need to change, starting with stopping drinking. It's pretty obvious that liquor is poison in your home.

Both of you need to stop drinking. Both of you need to go to AA or seek other support. If he won't go with you, go alone.

If he isn't willing to change then you need to consider leaving. Things are not going to get better, in fact statistics show they're going to get worse. You deserve much better.

Oh, and apologies don't mean shit if they aren't followed up by action. They don't mend broken dishes nor do they mend broken bones.

This is important too, your stuff matters too. The alcohol is a big factor or you wouldn't have mentioned it.
Whats the relationship like usually?
I am off to sleep but will check in tomorrow.
And consider reducing or stopping your alcohol use.
But I am.guessing you know this.

Ironically I’ve advised other posters on here the same thing! We’ve been together 16 or so years, married 12, one previous incident...

@AcrossthePond55 @justforthisnow thank you. Yes, our alcohol use is an issue, the police have offered to put me in touch with some local agencies and I have taken them up on it on my behalf. I doubt H will be interested sadly.

Thank you for your advice, it gives me more strength for whatever the next steps are. Really, really appreciate it.

Never ever thought I’d be on here asking for advice like this. I guess most of us don’t.

Yes you have wasted their time because you obviously don’t see him as dangerous (even though he may be)and you are going to let him stay .Smashing stuff is justification enough to throw him out .

If you were to stop drinking would he?

Is alcohol what binds you? Codependency?

I'd prioritise you and tackle why you drink so much and get help, and that will support what you do about him.

Be prepared for him to try and undermine you growing in confidence if you stay with him.

Shameful and irresponsible behaviour, and you may have scared your dogs as well, which isn't good.

You did the right thing. Stay safe.

I’ve wasted their time haven’t I?

Only if you continue on as though nothing happened.

If you commit to making the changes necessary in your life, whatever they may be, then no, you haven't.

Ironically I’ve advised other posters on here the same thing

You aren't the only one who's done that. Not the first, won't be the last.

There's a sweet little Disney ditty that I think fits most of us:

I’m sorry, you all also have more important things to deal with right now.

No we absolutely don’t. This is exactly what MN is here for. For us to support you in understanding that you did exactly the right thing. His behaviour crossed a line. Massively.