OLD help please. Guy told me he is bi, how to politely say I don't wish to continue?

[LoveintheTimeofCoronaa]

Hi all,

Could do with some help please!

I've been chatting to a bloke online, seems nice. He has just informed me he is bisexual 'in case it puts me off'.

Not sure I can fully explain why, even to myself as I have zero issues with anybody's sexuality but I would prefer not to continue this. We haven't met but I do want to be decent and give him a response.

I'm not looking to be called a homophobe as I assure you I am not. Just want to be tactful.

How would you express this politely??

Thanks!

That is racist. How could it not be?

Well said!

@AngelicaKauffman well said

Is it prejudiced to find something a sexual turn off?

Disgusting.

A straight woman solely attracted to straight men and vice versa should not be labelled, abused or told to change her ways any more than a bi individual or same sex attracted individual should be.

I recently ended a relationship partly because my ex slowly drip fed through the relationship that he's interested in men and has had sex with men and would like to have more sex with more men. It was kind of suggested I might like to support this by getting into the swinging scene while he gets fucked by other guys alongside me.
I am pretty open minded but had he professed this preference early on in the relationship I'd have moved on. Instead he built up a relationship where I believed we feel in love and had a future.
Now Im left questioning everything and whilst ill atm and trying to sort work school and childcare knowing I need to arrange for an std test. Lots more to the story of course but Im heartbroken.
op has a line and she's said no and ii think it's fair enough.

Btw, OP didn't ask if she was reasonable to feel this way. She has already established this as a boundary for her and was asking advice on how to communicate that. So what are those shouting prejudice or homophobia hoping to achieve? Shame her into gritting her teeth and bearing it? That's what's disgusting.

Its obviously not black and white no pun intended but if someone will not enter even the exploratory part of a relationship with someone, because said person previously had same sex relationships, than this must be homophobic.
Once the bisexual man is dating a woman technically when they become exclusive he is no longer bisexual.

Some of you going off track, which tends to happen around this sort of thing. In the context of attraction, it's down to preference. That's it.

So Op should try having sex with this man in the hope of putting aside her preferences for the sake of his?

Bollocks!

Glitch, personally I am trying to point out those throwing around old incorrect stereotypes about bisexual people and defending them as “sexual preferences” are being disingenuous. If I was posting about how I wouldn’t date a mixed race person because I have negative beliefs about non white people I would be hoping people would quite rightfully call me out on that and not attempt to incorrectly defend my views as “boundaries” and “preferences”. This man cannot change his sexuality any more than someone can change their ethnicity, people labelling him as a potential cheater who will never be satisfied by just one person is what I’m objecting to. I’m not on a crusade to force people to date people they don’t want to date, that would do no one any favours, just trying to challenge people posting negative statements about bisexual people as a whole and those defending them.

What possible reason is there to not want to date someone whose bisexual other than having issues with the fact he may have had sexual encounters with men and that puts you off .

This man deserves someone so much better than you. Tell him that. And then do some long long reflections and work on yourself

@elsiebear90

And yet you’ve posted “well said” in agreement with a poster who can bare to be friends with someone because of the colour of their skin. It’s ok for whites people to only be friends with other white people. Maybe we should start sitting at the back of the bus and sending our kids to separate schools again so we don’t mix huh?

The whataboutery doesn't work because there is no element of sexual consent or bodily autonomy involved.

The consent to choose who to consider as a sexual or intimate partner transcends all obligation to the other person to consider them along with the next man as the choice is not based upon prejudice but romantic or sexual interest, or lack thereof.

You are not obliged to be friends with anyone, for any reason, but friends are chosen based on shared values and personality traits. Ruling someone out because of simply their skin colour where you might otherwise get on well would be prejudiced. However, romantic and sexual desire or compatibility is not a prerequisite for friendship.

In the case of a potential date, it is. And if this chap's sexuality rules out those things then that is not based on any ill feeling on my part, thinking he would be promiscuous or unfaithful or whatever, but I am not willing to override my own sexual boundaries to show my inclusiveness. Doesn't matter what those boundaries are.

I think prejudice refers to exclusion of people in any other situation than intimate relationships, where your own boundaries are completely paramount. I suppose there could be crossover if someone was ignorant about other races etc.

However, with someone who views all people as equal in all other areas of life, why would this sexual boundary be based upon prejudice and not their own preference?

What is essential though, is being kind and respectful which is what I have tried to do here.

@sidswife I think her post was lost on you, she was showing how the argument about preferences and boundaries in this situation could be used against non white people. She doesn’t believe what she posted, she was showing how when you apply it to race it’s obviously unacceptable, so why is it any different when talking about sexuality?

DrMorbius are you seriously saying women should "enter into the exploratory part of a relationship" with men who they don't want to be in relationships with? You appear to be saying women should explore relationships with men tjat they don't want relationships with in the hope of securing exclusivity with the men they don't want to be in relationships with, and changing them

That is every shade of wrong, dangerous and coercive.

So I’m answer to your post

“Thank you for telling me. It has made me feel uncomfortable and so I don’t wish to negatively influence your life with my small mind. I am going to take some time to open my mind, reflect, develop compassion and stop being ignorant. Your sexuality should not put any person off dating you. Be proud to be you. I wish I could be as proud to me me”

This man cannot change his sexuality

The hypocrisy of this comment when you are telling women to change theirs.

Glitch having negative views about bisexual people is not a sexuality and never has been.

@GlitchStitch explain how asking a heterosexual woman to date a man is asking her to change her sexuality?

Being heterosexual is a sexuality. What's wrong with wanting to have relationships with others who also are?

But she’s not changing her sexuality. She’d still be sleeping with a man. And who that man has slept with I’m his past is none of her business.