OLD help please. Guy told me he is bi, how to politely say I don't wish to continue?

[LoveintheTimeofCoronaa]

Hi all,

Could do with some help please!

I've been chatting to a bloke online, seems nice. He has just informed me he is bisexual 'in case it puts me off'.

Not sure I can fully explain why, even to myself as I have zero issues with anybody's sexuality but I would prefer not to continue this. We haven't met but I do want to be decent and give him a response.

I'm not looking to be called a homophobe as I assure you I am not. Just want to be tactful.

How would you express this politely??

Thanks!

Backseat thanks for that really interesting insight.

It is always useful to hear how some common views feel to be on the receiving end of.

This thread has been brilliantly thought provoking (I'm talking about the more thoughtful commenters of all views, not those calling me a cunt) and I am actually now wondering whether I would in fact rule out a bisexual man in other circumstances with more context than an online chat. Say, if I met someone in real life, got on brilliantly, felt a mutual strong attraction and he was straightforward early on about being bisexual.

I think either way it is that when OLD you simply can't afford the time, effort and emotional capital (even if you deliberately hold back to not go into a date with any expectations) to not draw some pretty hard boundaries. That is a lesson hard learnt.

Fuck off to the people who are being judgey towards the OP.
OP, I'd run a mile for the same thing, as it just wouldn't be for me. No shame in it at all.

@LoveintheTimeofCoronaa a massive thank you for this thread - some great posts on here! I’m SO pleased I read about ‘implicit bias’ - it’s completely opened my eyes. I’m relating it to the recent Laurence Fox argument on Question Time. I initially agreed with him, now I’m not sure I do at all.

Agreed that this has been a really interesting thread!

LoveinatimeofCoronaa It's interesting what you're saying about the difference between OLD and having met someone IRL and having different 'red lines' (in all sorts of contexts) for each. I imagine OLD is much more ruthless and far less nuanced so some pretty crude lines are drawn simply to deal with volume which I think is understandable.

Off to hug my lovely IRL bisexual before our tiny dictator wakes for the day!

@WokeOnTheWater agree! That’s a big problem with OLD - the ‘shopping’ and box ticking - but you have to make judgements. IRL you fall in love with a person, their smile, their soul, their aura. And these things may overtake, or make you question an ‘implicit bias’ you may have (even without realising) - and make you think differently.

Think your tiny dictator is lucky to have great parents

@LoveintheTimeofCoronaa have you replied to the OLD? I think you could give him a great, honest response now based on this thread!

ceejay54321 she'd replied by page 3 or so of the thread.

I don't understand why people are having a go at you on here OP. I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship with a man who was bisexual, that's just my personal preference.

I think there's nothing wrong with being upfront and honest this early on, better that than him accusing you of stringing him along when you come out with this later on down the line. :)

"Clearly you're very narrow minded so reply saying you're exactly that and he deserve someone who can fully accept who he is.*"

You get to choose who you date. I don’t date people who go to church. My choice. I don’t date people who wear their shirt tucked into their jeans. My choice. I don’t date people who are Bi. My choice. Your choice OP. Just be polite and say thanks but no thanks and advise he puts it on his profile as it avoids all this time wasting

No one should date people who tuck shirts into jeans, to be fair.

Only you get to choose who goes near your fanjo. And don’t let strangers on the internet try and guilt trip you

Please don’t compare racial discrimination to fancying tall men

I thought we were discussing re sexual partners.
I think it’s completely unacceptable to claim racial discrimination re: sexual partners.
(Not saying anyone here is claiming that, but there is a complete difference between examining of you are subconsciously racist in terms of societally.
I feel there is no need for anyone to do so re: being intimate. Peoples vaginas should never be an excercise in equal opportunities

@PicturesOfCats It’s subconscious bias - and we all have it - about a whole range of factors and to varying degrees. I have a subconscious bias towards heterosexual, white, tall men.

Although I think the term ‘implicit’ bias is better than ‘subconscious’ bias...

I thought we were discussing re sexual partners.

Originally yes but the thread had moved on to the concept of implicit bias in general. If you have an genuine implicit bias against a particular category of people, it’s extremely unlikely that you will be able to restrain that bias solely to your sex life - that’s not what “implicit bias” means. If you had a genuine implicit bias against people who aren’t straight you would most likely discriminate against them eg in the workplace.

I think most people have no idea what implicit bias means at all. For example if you are aware of it then by definition it is not a subconscious/implicit bias!

@swerfandturf - I’d argue that the bias is still there workplace or not. Hopefully an awareness of it the the workplace means you can make a conscious decision about recruitment. However, when it comes to dating people will apply that bias more - because - in biological terms - they are thinking about the characteristics and nurture of their potential offspring.

‘Implicit’ to me - is a better term than subconscious. Please take the Harvard test if you are unsure!

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/w3csxfjh

It’s worth listening to - it’s blown my mind!

Wow this thread is eye opening.
There are some really nasty posters on here.

Jeez MN have you ever heard the saying "he's just not my type?", which OP has clearly stated.

Did you ever not like someone? Or are you forced into relationships with people you don't really want to be in? If so I'm sorry for you. But direct your nastiness to a punching bag.

OP don't have to date the guy if you don't want to as he is "just not my type" and screw the negative, horrible people on here judging you. They have sad lonely empty lives and love being a keyboard warrior as they can ride behind their screens like cowards. Get a life some of you in MN.

@bubblesforlife there are also some incredibly insightful posts on here - and I think the OP has taken the rough with the smooth very well! I think people are now examining more why we have a ‘type’.

I'm not disputing that @ceejay54321.
For me having just gone through this post for the first time, I'm genuinely horrified by some of the responses. It's cruel and unnecessary.

@bubblesforlife completely agree with you there! However I’ve learnt something amazing from this post - big discussions going in our house at the moment about ‘implicit bias’!