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Original poster

OLD help please. Guy told me he is bi, how to politely say I don't wish to continue?

555 replies

LoveintheTimeofCoronaa · 20/03/2020 11:41

Hi all,

Could do with some help please!

I've been chatting to a bloke online, seems nice. He has just informed me he is bisexual 'in case it puts me off'.

Not sure I can fully explain why, even to myself as I have zero issues with anybody's sexuality but I would prefer not to continue this. We haven't met but I do want to be decent and give him a response.

I'm not looking to be called a homophobe as I assure you I am not. Just want to be tactful.

How would you express this politely??

Thanks!

OP posts:
WokeOnTheWater · 20/03/2020 20:04

Nobody seems to want to explain to me why it's ok to discriminate between potential sexual partners purely on the basis of sex - biological or self-identified - and identify as heterosexual or homosexual without being labelled sexist or homo/heterophobic but it is not OK to do so on the basis of other characteristics, including protected ones, such sexual orientation.

I wonder why? twiddles thumbs

MoreRoomSign · 20/03/2020 20:05

So with fluffy in women’s boundaries. The “cool girl” attitude has caused untold harm I believe. I really believe women should be respected as goddesses. Instead they’re tying themselves in knots justifying behaviour that sexually creeps them out, to be that cool, experimental, happening girl who acceptant kind of demeaning and shitty sexual behaviour. In reality, the sex is often gleaned from some man’s porn viewing. it’s often sad, disrespectful and injurious to he woman’s sense of self. But there are posters on here, like a creepy lover, to get over her outdated attitudes.

ocarinan · 20/03/2020 20:06

Personally I don't think not wanting to date someone bisexual is biphobic, you like who you like.

Making stupid generalisations like @stairway about not being able to fufill his needs is.

Smellbellina · 20/03/2020 20:08

Very good point @WokeOnTheWater I would love to that explanation too

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 20/03/2020 20:10

I'm a heterosexual woman and I'm only interested in sex with heterosexual men with a functioning penis. I'm not attracted to either bi men or women who identify as men. I have every right to set these boundaries. There are some very weird views on this thread.

FooFooFalangee · 20/03/2020 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PicturesOfCats · 20/03/2020 20:14

because it's redundant to the original post and we are here to answer the ops questions, not your rhetorical ones

The OPs question was ‘how do I politely tell him I’m not interested’
Not ‘please tell me why my vagina must meet an equal opportunities quota’

Smellbellina · 20/03/2020 20:16

because it's redundant to the original post and we are here to answer the ops questions, not your rhetorical ones.

🤣 nice try

riotlady · 20/03/2020 20:25

Can anyone explain WHY they don’t want to date a bisexual without resorting to biphobic stereotypes? (Ie. Implying they’re more likely to cheat, have stds, won’t be “satisfied” by one gender, etc)? I agree everyone has the right to date who they want but nearly every time you drill down into the reasoning it’s offensive.

PicturesOfCats · 20/03/2020 20:27

Can anyone explain WHY they don’t want to date a bisexual without resorting to biphobic stereotypes?

Because I don’t want to. HTH

Soubriquet · 20/03/2020 20:28

Biphobic GrinGrinGrin

And I say that as a bisexual woman Hmm

TheYearOfTheDog · 20/03/2020 20:28

Nobody ever needs a reason to say no. Exactly.
I'm sure the thread has moved on but this wouldn't have been for me either OP.
Glad you're free to meet somebody who isn't chasing a bloke in his office now.

WelcomeToTheMountaintop · 20/03/2020 20:28

Im bi

I absolutely would not want to Fuck someone who wasn’t enthusiastic about Fucking me.

Don’t care why they don’t to fuck me. The fact that they don’t is enough.

And it’s mainly (for me) gay women who rule me out of their dating pool. Because I’m bi not gay. And that’s absolutely fine.

TheYearOfTheDog · 20/03/2020 20:30

I'm with @PicturesOfCats, I wouldn't date a bisexual man because I don't want to.

PicturesOfCats · 20/03/2020 20:31

Can anyone explain WHY they don’t want to date a bisexual without resorting to biphobic stereotypes?

Also, do people genuinely believe they are entitled to ask WHY someone does not want them as a sexual partner? Do they genuinely believe they are entitled to ‘drill down’ into peoples reasons as to WHY they don’t want you as a sexual partner?
Well, Fuck me.

but only if I consent Wink

crumpet · 20/03/2020 20:32

It’s just nuts, isn’t it. I can like, respect and love any number of people without being sexually attracted to them. Whether that is due to their own sexual preferences, their back ground and life experiences, their physiology or whatever. I am either attracted to something or I am not. And I do not need anyone trying to educate me otherwise. The utter stupidity.

Original poster
LoveintheTimeofCoronaa · 20/03/2020 20:32

Nonsense. He is simply a man who I found perfectly nice but who has a fixed characteristic or circumstance that means I don't want to date him. I am not against that characteristic in and of itself. Like if he was a family member, or a woman or out of my age range. I am not prejudiced against family members, women or much younger/ older men so why does this mean I am prejudiced against bisexual ones? Not wanting to have sex with someone doesn't mean you are against them.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveintheTimeofCoronaa · 20/03/2020 20:33

Nonsense to the 'you are a homophobe' comments, to clarify!

OP posts:
riotlady · 20/03/2020 20:33

I’m not trying to be inflammatory but I find it hard to believe it’s just a random compulsion with no reasoning behind it? If you don’t want to discuss the reasoning that’s ok, but I would suggest maybe you think about it and if it’s based on unfair assumptions about bi people.

crumpet · 20/03/2020 20:34

They would be pretty damn loud if someone tried to tell them that they should be educated out of their own sexuality.

Langsdestiny · 20/03/2020 20:36

Drill down, fuck me.

crumpet · 20/03/2020 20:36

No, riot lady, she doesn’t need to do any thinking about it whatsoever. Her sexuality, her choice.

PicturesOfCats · 20/03/2020 20:36

If you don’t want to discuss the reasoning that’s ok, but I would suggest maybe you think about it and if it’s based on unfair assumptions about bi people

Seriously, who do you think you are?
I suggest you stop trying to understand people’s sexual preferences, and accept anyone can say no to anyone for any reason.

I am not beholden to ANYONE and I do not owe ANYONE an explanation as to why I don’t want their penis inside me.

riotlady · 20/03/2020 20:44

*Seriously, who do you think you are?
I suggest you stop trying to understand people’s sexual preferences, and accept anyone can say no to anyone for any reason.

I am not beholden to ANYONE and I do not owe ANYONE an explanation as to why I don’t want their penis inside me.*

I literally said if you don’t want to say, that’s fine xD not entitled to anything. It’s a discussion forum, asking questions is a normal thing to do. Unfortunately there are a lot of shitty stereotypes about bi people out there and I think it’s something worth talking about.

PicturesOfCats · 20/03/2020 20:49

And you then suggested we need to think about it. We don’t. How dare you suggest we do