OLD help please. Guy told me he is bi, how to politely say I don't wish to continue?

[LoveintheTimeofCoronaa]

Hi all,

Could do with some help please!

I've been chatting to a bloke online, seems nice. He has just informed me he is bisexual 'in case it puts me off'.

Not sure I can fully explain why, even to myself as I have zero issues with anybody's sexuality but I would prefer not to continue this. We haven't met but I do want to be decent and give him a response.

I'm not looking to be called a homophobe as I assure you I am not. Just want to be tactful.

How would you express this politely??

Thanks!

anothernotherone

Yes, we've been over that 5 or 6 times already in this thread.

”Phobia these days can also mean a prejudice against something. If you choose not to continue seeing someone SOLELY because they are bi, then you - by your own admission - have a prejudice against a person being bi. That's pretty straightforward, isn't it?“

Man, it’s exhausting! Does that mean you are phobic and prejudiced against folk that don’t want to have sex or a relationship with folk who are bi? I can’t keep up

Man, it’s exhausting! Does that mean you are phobic and prejudiced against folk that don’t want to have sex or a relationship with folk who are bi? I can’t keep up

Sure you can't. Very clever. Where's the rolling eyes emoji?

wow the biphobia on this thread is actually astounding 😂

Hey, Angeellliicaaa could you tell me why you think discrimination on the basis of sex is OK?

So, not wanting to have a relationship with someone who is bisexual makes you biphobic? So by that token not wanting a relationship with someone who is transsexual is presumably transphobic? Nope, didn’t think so.

At the end of the day it has nothing to do with prejudice.

As a man you are entitled to be attracted to men, to women, to bisexual men or women. As a woman you are entitled to be attracted to men, to women, to bisexual men or women. But as a heterosexual man or woman you’re not entitled to be attracted to heterosexual men or women? What rubbish.

As for those with a chip on their shoulder thinking that others think bisexuals cheat more or are more promiscuous, that is your own issue. For me it’s very simple. I am a heterosexual woman. I am attracted to heterosexual men, and that is my right. If anything, someone who is bisexual has no right to pressure anyone into being attracted to them. That is the very definition of coercion.

People are entitled to sleep with who they want. Equally I am entitled to not sleep with who I want. It has nothing to do with prejudice,and everything to do with personal preference.

As an aside I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone who had had 50 previous partners either, or someone who was into whips and chains and BDSM. Equally that is my right.

*For me it’s very simple. I am a heterosexual woman. I am attracted to heterosexual men, and that is my right. If anything, someone who is bisexual has no right to pressure anyone into being attracted to them. That is the very definition of coercion.

People are entitled to sleep with who they want. Equally I am entitled to not sleep with who I want. It has nothing to do with prejudice,and everything to do with personal preference.*

Couldn't have put it better myself.

“Phobia these days can also mean a prejudice against something” 🙄 👏

The thought control is worrying.... If for any reason under the sun OP is not attracted to him, is she supposed to force herself to date him? She herself is recognising he is a nice gentleman. There is nothing wrong with him, she no longer fancy him and that’s that.

I am proper at this thread.

If I don't want to fuck someone I don't have to fuck them and I don't owe anyone an explanation. And if I offer you an explanation, whether you think it's a good one or an awful one changes nothing, I don't have any duty to fuck anyone.

We all have our “ew” factors. Often they are to do with a positive sense of self-protection. Something commonly missed in these “debates”. The fools on this thread are asking women to drop their natural sense of self protection so that they can self identify as “right on” PC “cool girls”. Cool girls often get shafted, figuratively and in reality. *Dont let MN posters goad anyone to drop their values or sensibilities in favour of virtue signalling.

wow the biphobia on this thread is actually astounding 😂

Wow the attempts to blackmail/coerce/shame people into sleeping with people they aren't sexually attracted to is actually disgusting.

Did anyone try and force or coerce OP into sleeping with anyone???? It’s a repeated insult used but I’ve actually seen it said by anyone at all.

I think the 'delicate snowflakes' are the ones crying biphobia because someone doesnt want to fuck them 😂

Genuine question how is it self protection not wanting to be in a relationship with a bi-sexual person? I have absolutely no issues with people having relationships with who ever they want and don't think it's fair to judge someone just because they're not comfortable with that - but I really don't see the self protection point.

Did anyone try and force or coerce OP into sleeping with anyone????

Telling someone they're phobic or bigoted for not wanting to be physically intimate with someone is coercive. Of course it is! In an intimate relationship if someone told their partner there was something wrong and unsavoury about with them because they didn't want to sleep with them they would be classed as abusive or "coercive control" would it not?

I’m trying to point out that not being comfortable with something is often a form of self-protection. Simples! You can be deliberately obtuse about understanding that connection I guess - if you are either a bit dim, naive, or tryna prove your PCness. Just really hate it when people tell women to be “cool” with something esp. sexual / when it goes against their personal interests more times than not. The sexual ‘liberalists’ are always pushing the envelope, telling women to “loosen up”. Only someone corrupted would want to normalise their compulsions to women who are being honest about not being interested.

I don’t think in this instance it is coercive control. There’s not control from these forum posts. No posters are trying to coercive someone into having sex with them. It was a discussion about how it would be interesting for the OP to reflect on why she felt that way as she said it surprised her. Not change her mind. No one said she absolutely should date this guy and have sex with him or else she’s prejudiced.
Two separate stages. - say no to the guy. Close it down. And then.... Think “it’s interesting I felt that way, I wonder why”

Not becusee I think women should always say yes, or I think vaginas are spaces for equal opportunities or any of that. But because the mOre we learn about ourselves the better. I’m not saying the OP will reflect and then want to date him or other bi men. No. I am not saying that. People seem to think reflect is a bad word. It’s not, it’s about learning about ourselves. The OP said herself she was surpsied she felt like it and didn’t know why. So find out why! You can still not want to date a bi guy but at least you know why!! For your own sake no one else’s.

Holding prejudices is human nature but they become a problem if we pretend we don’t have any and fail to notice them.

Just everyone take some ownership!

If you don't find it attractive then you can hardly help it. I probably wouldn't say anything about the sexuality thing and in a few days would just say that things have rekindled with an old flame and so it's best you call things off

don’t think in this instance it is coercive control. There’s not control from these forum posts. No posters are trying to coercive someone into having sex with them. It was a discussion about how it would be interesting for the OP to reflect on why she felt that way as she said it surprised her. Not change her mind.

I didn't say in this instance it was "coercive control". I said it was coercive, which it is. People are trying to shame the OP for immediately being put off. You may not be but others definitely have.

No one said she absolutely should date this guy and have sex with him or else she’s prejudiced

Yes they did.

I don’t understand why being “cool with sexual preferences” keeps being bought up. That’s not what this post is about. Sexual preferences were not mentioned. Why do some people think sex with a bi man is different to sex with a heterosexual man?

No one said she absolutely should date this guy and have sex with him or else she’s prejudiced

No. People said - you shouldn’t date this man. You sound prejudiced.

Yes the “wolk” folk shaming. Ironic isn’t it ! Don’t be shamed OP. Just say goodbye pleasantly. He sounds a bit of a twat anyway. At best. At worst .... hmm ...

woke!

no fool like a woke fool