OLD help please. Guy told me he is bi, how to politely say I don't wish to continue?

[LoveintheTimeofCoronaa]

Hi all,

Could do with some help please!

I've been chatting to a bloke online, seems nice. He has just informed me he is bisexual 'in case it puts me off'.

Not sure I can fully explain why, even to myself as I have zero issues with anybody's sexuality but I would prefer not to continue this. We haven't met but I do want to be decent and give him a response.

I'm not looking to be called a homophobe as I assure you I am not. Just want to be tactful.

How would you express this politely??

Thanks!

I wouldn't be attracted to someone who is bisexual either I don't think. Though if I knew them and had fallen for them that may be different.

You can discriminate all you like when it comes to who you have sex with. No one owes anyone else a relationship or sex and not wanting to have sex with someone for any reason is not a discrimination issue. That fact that you think otherwise is worrying.

And I don't think I'd give that up just for him, if that makes sense.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams why could you not donate blood?

You can discriminate all you like when it comes to who you have sex with. No one owes anyone else a relationship or sex and not wanting to have sex with someone for any reason is not a discrimination issue. That fact that you think otherwise is worrying

This. I don’t think you can argue with it either

my vagina is not an equal opportunities activity

Brilliant 👏🏻👏🏻

@Elsiebear I usually hate the "some of my best friend are..." disclaimers, but in the interests of being clear that I have no particular skin in the game other than a heartfelt belief in what I'm saying, I am married to a bi-sexual man.

@Sunshinedaffodil follow people through the thread? I only reply to people who comment on my posts and reply to me. If you actually read my posts instead of putting words into my mouth to suit your agenda, nowhere have I said OP should carry on seeing this guy, or that anyone should date anyone they don’t want to. What have I been posting about are people justifying their’s and other people prejudiced opinions about bisexual people as preferences and boundaries. If OP doesn’t want to date him then she doesn’t have to, whatever her reasons, but saying all bisexual people cheat and are unsatisfied in their relationships then saying that’s not prejudice is bullsh*t. That’s textbook prejudice, people can like who they want and dislike people for whatever reason, but if your reasons are incorrect negative generalisations about an entire group of people then you’re prejudiced, that’s not me making my own definition, that is the definition. If that doesn’t apply to you then brilliant, my posts aren’t aimed at you.

@Sunshinedaffodil, if you sleep with a man who's ever had oral or anal sex with a man, you have to wait for three months before you can donate. Which effectively means you can never donate if you're in you're in an LTR with a man who has.

OP never said those things about bisexual people. I never said those things about bisexual people.

And you’ve been asking people to question their own sexuality for not wanting to sleep with bisexual people - which is bullshit.

Has anyone acknowledged that after the op politely told him, he admitted that he was in fact currently pursuing a guy at work?

There's no way I'd be attracted to a bisexual guy.

Sunshine, no I haven’t, a previous poster said OP is heterosexual so it’s her sexuality to not sleep with bisexual men, which is completely incorrect, that is who I was replying to. Again, read my posts properly. Being a heterosexual woman has nothing to do with being attracted to or in relationships bisexual men.

It drives people mad when women say no, always fascinating to watch

Another vote for this.

I can't stomach some of the coercive bullshit being spouted on this thread.

The biphobia on this thread omg 😮 🤦🏾‍♀️

Bisexual people (me included - hands up; I’m one) saying nah, dress it up however u want, (sexual preferences, puhleese) you’re just fucking biphobic. And lesbians & gay men are notorious for it, too.

It’s exactly the same as when a person of colour calls out posters on this site for being straight up racists and there are always pages of people using ‘woke’ as an insult and explaining to them why their experiences of racism are so so wrong and they’re just being overly sensitive.

Nauseating.

The gaslighting on this thread - OMG 🧐

@bananafish 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams

Wow never knew that!

Luckily the op has handled the situation sensibly and has healthy enough self esteem to see thevwood for the trees and not be bullied by internet randoms.

I'm worried about the nadty coercive bullying/ blackmailing that our poor teens are growing up with though. Who'd be a young person today being told to "reflect" on their choice lile naughty chiödren if they don't date everyone who shows an interest, with the sword of an ism or phobia accusation and shaming hanging over their head if they say no to a date or intimate relationship for a reason the internet police disapprove of.

We have to stand up to those who try to bully women and other vulnerable groups - and inseed anyone - into "being kind" at the expense of their own boundaries and preference, or feeling they have to justify not wanting to date someone.

I’m not biphobic for not wanting to fuck a man who fucks men. Sorry. Not sorry.

Don’t get upset at people that don’t adhere to your way of thinking. Kind of leans in to bigotry tbh

Sorry about the typos! Cooking while I type!

Glad to read it has been received amicably @LoveintheTimeofCoronaa.

As a Bisexual woman I accepted a long time ago that some people aren’t comfortable dating me (thankfully my DH didn’t ) that’s absolutely fine - as many a PP have said, we shouldn’t be forced to explain why something doesn’t work for us when it comes to intimacy, nor should they be ‘shamed’ for not feeling comfortable with something.

I don’t think the OP is biphobic, but some responses on here have been fairly outrageous.

I’m not biphobic for not wanting to fuck a man who fucks men. Sorry. Not sorry

You obviously are though. At least own it.

Massive lol at all the delicate snowflakes complaining about coercion and bullying. Nobody is coercing or bullying anyone, they're just calling out prejudice. If you don't like it, don't be prejudiced. It's not difficult.

AngelicaKauffman
Please explain how it’s phobic though?

The pp hasn’t said it’s because they believe there’s something wrong with being bisexual.. And having a phobia means being afraid of something doesn’t it?

I’m not afraid of someone who is bi/gay BUT
I would choose not to have sex with a man who has sex with other men

The pp hasn’t said it’s because they believe there’s something wrong with being bisexual.. And having a phobia means being afraid of something doesn’t it?

Phobia these days can also mean a prejudice against something. If you choose not to continue seeing someone SOLELY because they are bi, then you - by your own admission - have a prejudice against a person being bi. That's pretty straightforward, isn't it?

AngelicaKauffman using snowflake now?

I have a thick skin, but I also work with vulnerable young adults and I hatevthe way the internet is full of anonymous randoms twlling them they're bad if they say no to a date or a relationship or listen to their gut when they feel uncomfortable.

Nobody ever has to explain their reasons for saying no to a date, or a relationship, including "tje exploratory stages" of one. Lots of vulnerable people including some who are vulnerable only because they're young, find it hard to say no to more once they're dating someone.

The default should be no - not give it a go.

If there's anything at all you don't want or feel attracted to or feel happy with say no. No need to give anyone a chance to have the exploratory stages of a relationship or a few dates - no. Even if you just dislike their socks or taste in music or politics or the way they smile or any little comment - don't reflect on whether you can explain rationally why you don't want to get into dating them. No is always fine in dating - no explanation needed.