So why are there so many cheating posts on here?

[ceejay54321]

"There is plenty of evidence that males have less to lose than females by having extramarital sex," Lancaster said. "Having less to lose, it's easier for them to do it."

Women, however, could lose "dad's" resources when it comes to raising their kids. "For women, the well-being of their children is not improved by promiscuity," Lancaster told LiveScience.

Is this why?

I think it's true that many people just want things the way they want them, and that is the benefit of a monogamous spouse while enjoying the thrill and excitement of NRE (new relationship energy in poly speak).

This is a shame, but if more people knew themselves and accepted their own relational style and relationship model preference and were open about it the less hurtful deception and dishonesty there would be, as the would be clear from the outset a monogamous relationship wasn't for them.

I've never been poly but am interested, apparently it's not that they don't feel jealous and insecure but they communicate about it and work it out together.

As long as one party isn't being coerced I think it could work really well.

Hate to break it to you, but "queer as folk" was not real.

@JudyGemstone I agree. Thanks for that!

Ceejay if you're happy for your partner to have more than one sexual partner then why don't you just have an open relationship? I don't think anyone really cares anymore. I can except/respect other people's choices regarding their relationship but poly/open relationship is definitely not for me and most of my friends feel the same. It's still a valid choice.

Hummmm
I think 'most' people want a close intermate relationship.

The longer I'm with dh the more i love him.

When I was single it (sex) got boring pretty quickly and myself esteem took a real bashing.

It may been different for men and I'm mid fifties now so got the kid in the sweet shop mentality out my system by my late twenties.

I do have a close intimate relationship with DP - but no sexual intimacy. I love him dearly. I would understand if he needed sex elsewhere and I wouldn’t consider it cheating. I think if this was openly said - my DP, his parents, our parents, our friends would consider this ‘odd’ - or be fearful. So it’s this ‘fear’ that I’m questioning. This ‘fear’ and bias definitely still is rife in society - why did Philip Schofield feel the need to hide his sexuality for years?

Why do lot of people pretend to be one thing, when they really feel something else? And why can’t they be open about it?

Can you be truly intimate without some kind of sexual relationship? I suppose that's a whole other debate....to me that makes you just friends. I'm close/intimate with friends....the only thing that makes my relationship with my husband 'more' than that is physical closeness. I understand what you mean about your parents/family etc, I'm not sure you can change the opinion of older generations but there's nothing stopping you from just doing what you like anyway. But what if they're right to be worried? What if your husband falls in love with someone he's having a deeply intimate physical relationship with? (Because that often happens when people have regular sex). I don't pretend to be anything....I'm brutally honest. Im way too jealous and insecure for a poly relationship, it would obliterate my self esteem. I want to be my husbands one and only and if not I would rather be alone or find someone with the same mind set. We've talked about it and he feels the same way, be both feel physically sick at the thought of each other with someone else. I'm not convinced you can want some else if you're deeply in love.

As for Philip Schofield, I actually feel equally sorry for his wife that had been fed a lie for many many years.

@Laurenxx12
Totally agreed.

Thanks @Laurenxx12 Agree it’s equally - if not more - distressing for his wife. He has cheated (in some sense) and lived a lie. But I don’t think he is a bad person. It’s bad that he felt a fear to express his true feelings, and it’s this fear, or social stigma that is wrong.

I’m menopausal with a baby and a child. I’m just not interested in sex! But we are otherwise close, loving and (mainly!) supportive - but our life seems to revolve completely around our children.

@ceejay that can be normal when you've got small children- when you're menopausal/have young kids. Could you do something to improve your libido? Do you even want to? Are you sure you would be completely unaffected if you're husband slept with someone's else? You have to do what's right for you, some cope just fine being poly/open relationships and others can't except it.

But do you not think that your rosy view of happy communities of polyamorous people is probably just as idealistic and unlikely as people's rosy view of married bliss? Humans mess things up and hurt each other. That's always going to happen, whatever configuration of relationship or cohabitation they have.

Being menopausal with a baby and a child would be enough to douse anyone's libido, but maybe not permanently!

TBH - I’m not interested. For me a good night is asleep by 8pm - and not too many disturbances in the night. The thought of someone entering my space makes me cringe a bit! Yes @lazylinguist - it’s definitely idealistic! Happy can only ever be defined by unhappy. But - it’s about choice. I think people should be able to choose without fear.

So long as that choice isn’t abusive and lawful.