So why are there so many cheating posts on here?

[ceejay54321]

"There is plenty of evidence that males have less to lose than females by having extramarital sex," Lancaster said. "Having less to lose, it's easier for them to do it."

Women, however, could lose "dad's" resources when it comes to raising their kids. "For women, the well-being of their children is not improved by promiscuity," Lancaster told LiveScience.

Is this why?

In terms of infection - if it’s managed, the group is successful - if it’s not managed the group will not thrive.

And we have fairly good methods already to manage STI’s, we’re currently having a far bigger problem with a non-STI...

I think it’s terrible when people are hurt so much by cheating behaviour, and I’m trying think of a way to make it better

I think the amount of cheating reduced by polygamy being more mainstream would be minimal. Some people might go for it but a big portion wouldnt and people within that portion would still cheat.

There's a fundamental flaw in the theory that it would be solved by polygamy. Many people who cheat lack integrity, honesty, empathy etc. They don't want an equal, open honest situation .. they want their partners fidelity while not wanting to return it their fidelity, on an ongoing basis for with some people, intermittently (though fir many the intermittent nature is just lack of opportunity).

They don't want to play fair, that's the very nature of cheating. Get benefits without making the sacrifices you're supposed to make to get those benefits.

The majority of those people will still do that.

And we have fairly good methods already to manage STI’s, we’re currently having a far bigger problem with a non-STI...

We don't really.

We can't prevent some sti's even with condoms. And many people don't use them. Sti's would be likely to rise exponentially if more people had multiple concurrent sexual.partners.

And your latter point - well it just demonstrates that a new sexually transmitted infection/disease could appear just like hiv did (simian originally).

I’d imagine you can control an STI infection easier than an air borne infection @GilbertMarkham. I believe humans display their negative personality traits when they are in an unhappy place - if we can find a way of living, and create more choices, and have less social stigma about those choices - then I think society will improve.

A more polyamorous lifestyle doesn’t mean no condoms, losing control and not protecting yourself - or serial monogamy. In fact less inclination to cheat might mean better communication and less STI’s.

HPV now has an effective vaccine...

Don’t we have to have equal numbers of men and women cheating roughly? Or else who are the Heterosexual men cheating With?

I think the idea that only men cheat is a bit of a sexist trope. Also all the kak about marriage so women can get “access to men’s resources” is utter misogyny. Men should be paying for their children whether or not they are married but women should be able to support themselves.

I’d imagine you can control an STI infection easier than an air borne infection

That's a given, but the possibility of life threatening diseases/viruses cropping up that are sexually transmitted, as has happened, is my point. It being easier to control than an airborne virus is cold comfort for all the people who lost their lives to the last sexually transmitted one, and their loved ones .... It spread fastest in communities with multiple concurrent sexual partners (as well as certain sexual practices and lack of condoms).

@zsasajuju - I agree that it’s utter misogyny too!

I believe humans display their negative personality traits when they are in an unhappy place

Sorry but that's sheer naivety.
Humans display negative traits in any and every situation.

As I said someone who's decided monogamy is not for them, with their current partner or anyone, has the option of leaving. We don't legally make anyone stay and socially the stigma with separating and seeing your kids as arranged had dropped to virtually none. People just accept - ok, clearly it wasn't working for that person/them in that marriage/family arrangement. That's the case everywhere except in v religious communities..

They don't have to cheat, they choose to.

@GilbertMarkham have some people applied that reasoning to the gay community - an assumption that promiscuity means their lifestyle is wrong and they will lose their life to disease? That’s clearly wrong, and over the past 20 years there has been a huge progression in acceptance - leading to a happier lifestyle for gay people. Thanks tho Gilbert! I’m enjoying the debate...I don’t want to come across badly...

Or else who are the Heterosexual men cheating With?

Some would be single women? Who obviously wouldn't be cheating on a partner of their own?

Women who cheat with more than one attached man?

Sex workers who have sex with muliple men?

Is that really so difficult.

I do think it’s that simple! My children behave well when they are happy, they behave negatively when they are unhappy! Same for adults!

have some people applied that reasoning to the gay community - an assumption that promiscuity means their lifestyle is wrong and they will lose their life to disease? That’s clearly wrong

How is it clearly wrong that having multiple concurrent sexual partners and doing sexual practices that are more likely to result in infection; means anyone doing that is more likely to be affected by a sexual disease, whether it is life threatening or not??

I think the idea that only men cheat is a bit of a sexist trope. Also all the kak about marriage so women can get “access to men’s resources” is utter misogyny. Men should be paying for their children whether or not they are married but women should be able to support themselves

Kind of, but historically an individual couldn't survive alone and so marriage was important. Women and children would be more vulnerable than single men. I do think there is something in the idea that monogamy evolved so humans had access to resources they needed. That is certainly the case in animals.

So people in the gay community who chose be promiscuous carefully are wrong?

@GilbertMarkham I remember ‘Queer As Folk’ where the guy was promiscuous, rejecting his family wishes for monogamy and VERY bloody happy!!

I think attachment theory in psychology may also be relevant. There is evidence that adults develop an "attachment figure" relationship with their partner and being around that person makes them feel safe, better able to deal with stress etc. The idea of losing an attachment figure is emotionally distressing.

In that case monogamous pair bond would be promoted by the attachment system because if your partner was in another relationship as well that would be perceived as a threat to them being available when you needed them, on a deep subconscious level

labs.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm

@quentinwinters - I agree and I’m definitely not against monogamy at all - it work for probably - most people. But I think there need to be more acceptance and access to different lifestyle choices.

And for people not to ‘cheat’ - but communicate better about their needs. In fact ‘Queer as Folk’ is a great example where the characters were in love, but accepting of each other’s promiscuity.

So people in the gay community who chose be promiscuous carefully are wrong?

You raised the gay community and continue to raise them. I haven't specified the gay community once. There were other communities/groups affected by that disease as well. I make no moral judgement on any of them.
Relationship models, sexual habits, sexual practices inc. contributed to spread in all those groups.

A polygamous relationship model with multiple concurrent sexual partners would v likely result in more sti spread. You obviously have trouble computing that because you're so enamoured of your idealised "poly parc" fantasy.

I remember ‘Queer As Folk’ where the guy was promiscuous, rejecting his family wishes for monogamy and VERY bloody happy!!

What are you talking about?

Who said people who choose polygamy and whom it suits wouldn't be happy?

The only points I've made is that many people wouldn't chose polygamy. And of those who did the downsides are likely to be things like greater chances of STDs (due to multiple concurrent sexual partners).

No - I just posed that question as an example @gilbertmarkham - but you are refusing to answer the question as it blows your argument. I’m not respond anymore to your posts because you seem to be inflamed - and that’s not the intention of my post.

I’m saying that monogamy is ok - and you seem to now be saying that polygamy is ok if people choose this lifestyle - which is exactly my point too!!’ People need the choice!! @GilbertMarkham