So why are there so many cheating posts on here?

[ceejay54321]

"There is plenty of evidence that males have less to lose than females by having extramarital sex," Lancaster said. "Having less to lose, it's easier for them to do it."

Women, however, could lose "dad's" resources when it comes to raising their kids. "For women, the well-being of their children is not improved by promiscuity," Lancaster told LiveScience.

Is this why?

would still follow the same rules of law...

Tribal living has never happened on that scale and you have absolutely no idea if or how it would work. People move away from tribes as they develop. It has not successfully been done on any large scale yet, probably fir good reasons.

But you're still ignoring the point that many many people (including many men) simply wouldn't want to live in polygamous communities anyway. As I said men have always been v keen on polygyny, not polygamy.

@gilbertmarkham I DO think it’s about having a choice... I’m really not trying to inflame anyone here - and I’d rather discuss than have an argument. I’d really like to hear your view! I think it’s terrible when people are hurt so much by cheating behaviour, and I’m trying think of a way to make it better xx

So the choice is monogamy, polygamy - and everything in between - and a community way of living that supports this. Although I really like scott72’s example.

I guess because emotions are involved in relationships, cheating will always cause pain.
Also feelings of insecurity within that relationship.
That is the problem ...

Horses for courses - some people like the freedom of having a variety of relationships and some value a monogamous situation just like some people are gregarious and have lots of friendships whilst others prefer one or two.

But do you really think that the jealousies and potential for disloyalty and relationship problems would be solved by polygamy? I don't. I think many people wouldn't want polygamy and many people who think they want polygamy would find it didn't live up to their expectations.

I think it’s terrible when people are hurt so much by cheating behaviour, and I’m trying think of a way to make it better xx

A noble aim, but a polygamous society is not going to remove people's tendency to treat each other badly and disloyally. It's just going to give them a free pass to do so. If your partner with whom you are very much in love starts spending more time/money/attention on his other partner(s), I don't see how the fact that you're not in a monogamous relationship is going to make you fine with that, even if it's 'allowed'.

I @lazylinguist Great post! I do have enough faith in human nature that - although we are selfish and can be disloyal, we - for the whole - are working in the best way to preserve our genes and those of our community. If we are happy, we are less likely to display negative behaviour?

We can only speculate because it’s an uncommon - but COULD it work?? If a group of friends with shared beliefs bought an estate together. Large grounds, space, shared childcare, an agreement that they could leave the lifestyle if it doesn’t suit them.

I imagine in such a polygamous setup the most attractive/younger people would get a disproportionate amount of the sex and romantic attention.

@scott72 I think people would be drawn to different traits in different people. In terms of age, I’m of the age now that I have children and to be honest - I have less interest in sex. I’d be happy for my partner to pair up with someone else - so long as my children are happy. I don’t really have a reason to feel jealous.

If a group of friends with shared beliefs bought an estate together. Large grounds, space, shared childcare, an agreement that they could leave the lifestyle if it doesn’t suit them.

I think the chances of achieving any kind of harmonious and stable way of living in that situation would be vanishingly small. Many people find it hard enough to present a united parenting front with one spouse. You'd end up having to have someone in charge. I'm imagining an almost cult situation! Of course people could leave, but imagine the effects on the children - no stable family unit, a rambling mixture of siblings, half siblings with different combinations of parents. It sounds like absolute hell to me - sorry!

I’d be happy for my partner to pair up with someone else - so long as my children are happy.

I think you may be in a minority there!

This is an interesting article about how monogamy evolved
www.discovermagazine.com/planet-earth/sex-and-the-female-agenda

Wow - that's a really interesting article!

@QuentinWinters thank you for that! Very interesting. So has our ability now to detect ovulation changed our behaviour?

And has the sexual revolution in the 60’s, woman’s equality in the workplace changed our behaviour - are we becoming less monogamous?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/metro.co.uk/2019/05/27/are-we-moving-towards-a-society-where-everyone-is-polyamorous-or-in-open-relationships-9635982/amp/

Physical evidence women are naturally poly includes
the shape of the penis, which can scoop out semen from the previous lovers

Blimey @IkeaSlave! news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3128753.stm that’s incredible

Cool hey
Add to that the average time to orgasm (x3 as long as men) plus women's ability to have multiple orgasms and I think we are looking at a natural female design for orgies

Ceeyjay what a attitude " they may be treatable"
Maybe so who wants to go there in the first place.
No sharing is caring for disease morals or fucking up your child

Not another!

Have you read the book 'mating in captivity?' by Ester Perel

I do care deeply about morals and the health of our children. Hence I’m questing cheating = immoral, and potentially a different way of living which may not involve a broken home for some families.

I haven’t read it no - but thanks so much! I like that it’s based on an anthropological argument. Without reading the book, wouldn’t the attempt to bring back the lust in a long term relationship be ‘acting’ in some way? And to be honest, I just don’t want sex at all - and I think this is unfair on my partner.

I can’t ‘pretend’ to want to have sex when I don’t want it...