So why are there so many cheating posts on here?

[ceejay54321]

"There is plenty of evidence that males have less to lose than females by having extramarital sex," Lancaster said. "Having less to lose, it's easier for them to do it."

Women, however, could lose "dad's" resources when it comes to raising their kids. "For women, the well-being of their children is not improved by promiscuity," Lancaster told LiveScience.

Is this why?

I do think it’s that simple! My children behave well when they are happy, they behave negatively when they are unhappy! Same for adults!

I don't think that's actually true. You honestly think people behave badly solely because of unhappiness? And you seem to think that this unhappiness is caused by not being allowed to have sex with lots of people, and would be solved by promiscuity? Sorry but that's rubbish. Apart from anything else, most people's unhappiness is caused by lots of complicated things in life which are nothing to do with sex. Yes, some people might have affairs as a way of escaping their problems, but neither the affair nor 'permitted' promiscuity is going to solve those other problems.

Also, I've been a teacher for over 20 years. Poor behaviour in children is not simply down to unhappiness. There are both unhappy and happy well-behaved children, and unhappy and happy badly-behaved children.

My children behave well when they are happy, they behave negatively when they are unhappy! Same for adults!

Completely ignoring the propensity I human nature for opportunistic, selfish cheating.

Every cheater must be unhappy.

Well if they're unhappy they can leave the situation, right?

As I said, what real stigma is there now outside extreme religious communities for breaking up your marriage, let alone a relationship.

*in

People need the choice!!

People have the choice.

I’m saying that monogamy is ok - and you seem to now be saying that polygamy is ok if people choose this lifestyle - which is exactly my point too!!’ People need the choice!! @GilbertMarkham**

Thought you were ignoring my "inflamed" (frustrated) posts .

The point we were discussing was, from your very first post, whether greater acceptance of polygamy as a valid lifestyle choice would eliminate cheating. I've outlined some reasons why I don't think it would eliminate much cheating (and got side lined into some downsides of polygamy) ... Not whether polygamy is "wrong" or vice versa.

Hi @lazylinguist. I think the choice IS there - but if I’d said to my parents - I’m off to live in a polyamorous community - they would have looked down on me. There is a social stigma and bigoted attitude surrounding it - as displayed by several posters on here.

Bigot being defined as someone who cannot tolerate other people’s opinions.

I’ve been a teacher for 25 years

I would say there is general pattern of happy = good behaviour. I am for a happy classroom and the children are generally well behaved.

An unhappy classroom generally means badly behaved children.

My ISIS rated outstanding teaching was in a happy classroom, full of positivity and good behaviour and an acceptance of everybody’s needs...

ISI - sorry

I think the main reason polyamory and promiscuity are unpopular and looked down on is because the vast majority of people don't want to live that way and think it is a bad idea.

Big shiny medal for your ISI outstanding rated teaching though and your classroom full of happy positivity. Did you only allow happy positive children in your class, or did your outstanding teaching somehow magically remove all problems and sadnesses from those children's lives? If the latter, you have a responsibility to spread your magic to all other teachers in the world.
I'm out. This thread has descended into nonsense, though tbh it didn't have that far to descend.

Sigh! Maybe it’s unpopular because people are very happy to live in a closed bubble and not question their beliefs. And are negative to someone who suggests something different. I love teaching children because they are open, and have new, exciting ideas. As a teacher I would never tell them their ideas are ‘bad’ - I’d explore them. If you create a happy, nurturing environment in a classroom it helps children in a sad situation.

And I’ll take my medal because I worked bloody hard for it and I’m proud.

Good for you ceejay, please stay as open minded as the lucky children you teach. There are many ways to live, and let live

Thanks Sally! And I particularly love children (and adults) who descend into nonsense. They are fun.

And I’ll take my medal because I worked bloody hard for it

Unlike other teachers, I suppose? I've taught happy, positive classes and difficult classes with troubled children in them (not all of whom misbehaved - see my earlier point about unhappy doesn't equal badly-behaved, happy doesn't equal well-behaved). I agree that many (not all) children are wonderfully inquisitive and open to ideas, though often not so much by secondary age, which is what I've mostly taught. But I'd never be arrogant enough assume that I could make all the children in my class into happy people just by virtue of my superior teaching skills.

I must admit I'm puzzled by how invested you are in the idea that having sex with multiple people is the path to true happiness, since I'm pretty sure you said upthread that you weren't very interested in sex any more.

I'm still confused as to why you think it's the solution to anything, even if most people wanted to embrace it (which I really don't think they would).

Your logic seems to be a) Being non-monogamous would make people happier b) happy people don't behave badly to their partners c) cheating wouldn't exist. But it doesn't follow! People have plenty of other and potentially much more serious things to be unhappy about than not getting to have sex with whomever they like. So according to your 'unhappy equals negative behaviour' theory, they are just as likely to treat their partners badly, even if it's not by cheating.

Dear @lazylinguist. Thank you for continuing to comment on my non-sensical post! I value your comments - and I think you are clever.
A) it’s not arrogance, it’s a drive. A belief that I can make a difference- but of course I’ve had shit lessons. It’s a recognition of what makes a difference.

B) Im not interested in sex, but I don’t want to impose my restrictions on a partner who is?

C) pro choice makes people happy - whether that’s monogamy or a polyamorous relationship

D) in ‘queer as folk’ there was no cheating, because the characters that were in love accepted the promiscuity of their partners. I’m not sure why this is not AS acceptable in a heterosexual relationship.

Dear @lazylinguist. Thank you for continuing to comment on my non-sensical post! I value your comments - and I think you are clever.
Ok, thank you! I feel bad for getting cross now.

Im not interested in sex, but I don’t want to impose my restrictions on a partner who is?
Yes, I get that, I really do. I guess what it boils down to is that I don't think being allowed to have sex with lots of partners would really make the majority of people happy in the long run. I think the novelty of novelty would soon wear off and become the norm, and that the stability and companionship of a monogamous ltr would be lacking, particularly later in life.

I do agree - I think a long term truly monogamous relationship is a precious and beautiful thing. But why do people reject this? I don’t think the people are wrong - I think the behaviour is wrong. How do we address that?

in ‘queer as folk’ there was no cheating, because the characters that were in love accepted the promiscuity of their partners. I’m not sure why this is not AS acceptable in a heterosexual relationship.

Hate to break it to you, but "queer as folk" was not real.