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Original poster

How much 'chasing' at the beginning of a relationship..?

112 replies

MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 10:39

So this guy at work chased me for a bit and showed an interest, asked me out, took me for a fabulous night out on my birthday etc

A few weeks later however it seem to be me sending the first text etc he always seems keen in his response and what have you but I am starting to wonder if I should just not initiate the next date and see if he actually bothers.

What do you think? He hasn't given me anything to go on so I have no idea if he's interested/not interested or anything..

OP posts:
warthog · 06/09/2007 10:44

yes, i'd take a step back. let him organise the next one.

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 10:46

Yes, don't chase. Sometimes you meet people who aren't natural chasers and don't think about sending loads of texts and things, but mostly they are playing the game of hard to get. So stop chasing and you be the hard to get. It's more flattering!

If he is being nice in response to you then I would say he is probably still interested, but don't be the chaser. Play the 'can live without you' card

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 10:46

hmmm, I think I will.. it's just awkward as I'm lacking in babysitting department so quite often it has been me saying "do you want to come over on x evening"

Right I am not going to text him today/tomorrow and see if he texts me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 10:49

It's weird as I do think he's interested and sometimes I get the impression he's v v interested but then day to day there's no sign of that. He's playing his cards very close to his chest. I'm finding it very frustrating.

OP posts:
skidoodle · 06/09/2007 10:58

Well then however interested he might be, you are clearly not happy with how things are going. In that case it makes sense to pull back a bit.

Plan your life without assuming you'll be seeing him and if he gets in touch to see you, and you're free, and you are bothered then see what you can arrange.

You talk about his chasing you, how interested he might be in you, but at no point do you say anything about how you feel about him. Think about that. Do you like him? Clearly you are prepared to date him, but he's already irritating you, so to what extent does that diminish your interest?

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 11:03

Well, that's better, because if he suggests a date, you won't always be able to jump at the first one he offers!

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 11:11

hmmm I guess.. I feel like I'm not letting myself relax into it all because I don't want to get attached to (or to fond of him) him and I feel like I could. I'd just like some sort of indication that he was interested lol

I keep checking my phone lol, I think I have turned into Briget Jones.

OP posts:
skidoodle · 06/09/2007 11:30

Well in my experience good relationships normally develop when both parties are pretty relaxed at the beginning.

You want an indication that he's interested, but you're not getting it and you can't make him give it to you.

So you're left with what you have now - a situation that is leaving you unsatisfied and making you insecure (checking your phone all the time in a Bridget Jones kind of way).

Presumably feeling insecure and unsure is not pleasant, so rather than placing more hopes on his eventually showing the interest you crave, try thinking about it the other way around.

His behaviour is not pleasing to YOU, it doesn't live up to what you want or expect at this stage of a relationship. As it's such early days, you may choose to be open to further advances from him. But for now he is in danger of blowing it with you.

For the moment assume that what you've had already is all you'll even have with this man and only revisit the issue if he changes his behaviour towards you. Imagine in several years time you bump into him in a bar and the friend your with asks who he is.

You say "oh, he's a guy I dated for a while. He took me out for a fabulous birthday celebration and we had some fun, but we weren't suited for a relationship"

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 12:12

yes, that's how I'm trying to think about it. Still keep checking my phone. I turned it off this morning but by 10:30 it was on again.

Think I am feeling more insecure as generally if I like someone they don't like me lol

OP posts:
Tortington · 06/09/2007 12:13

i would never chase.

its common and self depricating.

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 12:15

in my defence I've not been bombarding him with texts like a mad stalker woman lol

OP posts:
Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 14:37

Just checked my phone still no text. Am turning it back off again.

Have to laugh at my sudden insanity, there is no reason at all why a grown man would be texting me during the day on a Thursday.. it's not like we're 15 and it's not like he would have any reason to text me.

OP posts:
chocchipcookie · 06/09/2007 16:13

Keep busy, MascaraOHara.

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 16:22

lol, went to bed at about 9 last night lol

wander what to do tonight

OP posts:
Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 16:22

lol, went to bed at about 9 last night lol

wonder what to do tonight

OP posts:
Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 16:23

lol, went to bed at about 9 last night lol

wonder what to do tonight

OP posts:
Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 16:24

oops

OP posts:
Dior · 06/09/2007 16:46

Message withdrawn

chocchipcookie · 06/09/2007 17:33

Obsessive cleaning can help.

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 06/09/2007 20:06

Have text him to see if he was feeling better - no response. bugger. hey ho.. just my luck will stick to low lifes in future, thought I was puching above my weight to be honest

OP posts:
chocchipcookie · 07/09/2007 02:40

You could try reading The Rules. OK, I know, it's come in for a lot of criticism but if you actually read it (as opposed to what people think it says) it's fundamentally sensible: the basic rule is be hard to get but easy to be with.
You would not be in the position you're in right now MH, because The Rules would never let you text him. And the book explains why. You're taking something away from him when you make it too easy.
Do you want to be his girlfriend or his best mate? If you want to be his girlfriend then you have to back off. Who says you're punching above your weight? But you may be sabotaging yourself?

warthog · 07/09/2007 03:09

no no no don't text anymore!

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 07/09/2007 08:34

He replied last night but nothing to go on. My phone is switched off today. I'm iin a foul mood so that will make it easier lol

OP posts:
Jazzicatz · 07/09/2007 08:44

I am in a similar situation as you mascara, last night I kept picking up the phone ready to text but didn't. It is really hard though isn't it? Be strong though.

lou33 · 07/09/2007 08:46

i'd just ask him if he feels like another date and gauge his reaction from there, but if it's been a few weeks and nothing has happened, i would hazard a guess that he didnt feel it was quite right somehow

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