How much 'chasing' at the beginning of a relationship..?

[MascaraOHara]

So this guy at work chased me for a bit and showed an interest, asked me out, took me for a fabulous night out on my birthday etc

A few weeks later however it seem to be me sending the first text etc he always seems keen in his response and what have you but I am starting to wonder if I should just not initiate the next date and see if he actually bothers.

What do you think? He hasn't given me anything to go on so I have no idea if he's interested/not interested or anything..

Don't text him! Or call him! Let him wonder why you're not calling him and see what happens then.

And then focus on talking to all us lovely MNetters who do think you're fab!

(OK, I don't know you but I bet you are)

Do Not Text Him.

You've shown your interest, now let him show his. You are not going to lose anything by stepping back for a bit.

It's a cliche but true; men find the unattainable far more attractive. As a wise man once said: "If there's always biscuits in the tin, where's the fun in biscuits?"

You have my sympathies, though. I find this early stage of a relationship tortuous!

Agree I have shown my interest now it's down to him.

Bloody annoying though.. I hate not being in control, that's my problem.

actually i dont see anything wrong in just asking, at least you know one way or another and dont have to sit there wondering

and what is wrong with taking control?

I could just ask him outright. my mum told me I should lay my cards on the table and ask him outright but I'm not so sure. I'll leave my phone off today and see if I get anything from him. We've not made plans to do anything this weekend...

But should you have to 'take control' at all? Surely if it's right, it's going to happen without either of them having to grab the reins?

(I may be getting some clues as to why I am terminally single...)

Make plans to see someone else this weekend, that way you are in control of things! If he calls/texts and asks you out, then it's up to you to say yes or no.

Aha BIWI - I've been thinking about arranging a babysitter for Saturday and going out anyway. Just so that I'm not available if he asks.

no i dont think anyone should be in charge as such, but i also think it's ridiculous in this day and age to expect men to do all the legwork

aside from that i dont like being pissed about so if i got the feeling i was being i would rather just ask outright

something similar going on with me atm actually, so i making other plans and said i am not impressed to the other one

And, MOH, you can have a good time and will take the focus off worrying about your mobile all the time!

I don't chase and don't expect others to chase me. That is game playing - too silly for me, even when I was younger.

If it's right, there shouldn't be feelings like this at all.

I'd leave it and move on.

And I'd also go and pick up two invaluable books, written by men.

One is 'He's Just Not That Into You'. The other is 'You Didn't Hear It From Us'.

These books changed my life after my divorce when I got back on the dating scene. I stopped wasting time on dud relationships, putting more effort into family and friends and my life in general.

And met DH.

get on that pof moh..it's a laugh if nothing else...and for some lucky people like lou you get to meets some guys

If it were me I'd delete his number to stop me feeling tempted. He's being very cool and I agree you need to back off and imagine this is as good as it'll get. It hurts but not for long. Will hurt much more if you keep this going.
He'll contact you if he is interested but please have some pride and stop texting.
Go and try to have some fun, do whatever you can to occupy your mind or else this will become and obsession.

There's only one thing you should 'take control of' and that's you, your life, your feelings and your destiny.

If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

yes snaf, but he asked her out, and now moh is left wondering, so what i ams aying is there is nothing wrong with asking him and finding out one way ro another

tho do suspect he isnt keen, sadly

Expat, I was just about to mention that 'He's Just Not That Into You' book. I haven't actually read it (!) but have heard it's quite good for a wake-up call re: dud relationships.

The older I get the less inclined I get to ever bother with men again

Lol, I can't delete his number as he's my boss lol.

he is however a control freak and quite quiet.. I think he's probably like this with everyone and hence he's never met anyone - I always wondered why he was single (now I know) lol

He was very forward at the beginning, telling me how my luck had changed and how I needed someoen to look after me etc I wonder if he just thinks he doesn't have to try now or he's lost interest for whatever reason.. ho hum - that'll teach me for letting myself get involved too early.

nothign ventured nothing gained moh, it's all a learning curve

Snaf, I really recommend it! I spent a little over 2 years of my life wasting time on two dud 'relationships'.

I finally got free of that and decided to come here just to get some perspective and do something else for a bit - I'd gotten a pretty good redundancy package and thought I'd come here for a few months, travel around, then go back and get a job (not too hard to find work as a legal secretary/paralegal).

So I made the break. On one of my last nights in the US, knock at the door. Classic moment where ex bf shows up and chides, 'I didn't think you'd really move away like this.'

Moment of clarity! You mean, you thought I'd just stay here being your personal doormat to wipe your feet on whenever you felt like it?

SEE YA!

That was after another ex had once told me, 'You'll never leave me.'

Watch this!

Now I have a dilemma

My parents have (un related to this) just offered to have dd o/n Sat. Do I arrange a night out with a friend and leave this hanging in the air or do I give him the opportunity to take me out and find out once and for all if he is interested?

Go out with the friend.

but then I won't have an answer either way!

If he's a bit of non-committer then he probably wouldn't be able to respond sensibly to a direct question. Those types don't like having to pin themselves down.

You've already got an answer. He's been giving it to you over the past few weeks.

Make other plans and enjoy your evening off.

Why spend it being miserable?

Pointless waste of time. Take it from one who knows.