Would this messaging bother you?

[scrawnysunflower]

Name changed because Dp knows my usual user name.
Me and Dp separated a while ago for a few months, it was my decision and he was very upset about it. In that time he was seeing a woman from our friendship group, it was very casual and he told me about it at the time. We have Dc so still saw each other.
Trying to keep things brief, but we ended up back together and they obviously ended their thing.

Throughout us being separated I still spoke to her and her me, no bad feelings between us or anything. But when we got back together she blocked us both on social media and hasn't spoke to either of us since, or so I thought.
Turns out that she's been speaking to Dp since the new year and been messaging him quite regularly. Now he's shown me the messages and nothing seems untoward but he didn't tell me because she asked him not to, and I don't think I'm ok with that.
He thinks I'm being silly, says they're only friends and he really didn't think I'd be bothered. He wants to carry on as he was, but I'd rather he stop messaging her or at the very least inform her that I'm aware that she's talking to him.

And apologies, I know it all sounds a bit juvenile, I'm generally easy going and happy with him having female friends. But this is niggling at me and I'm not sure if I'm being silly being bothered about it or not.

Oh no OP deleting the messages and denying it, not good signs are they?

What a mess.

Something not right, what an idiot he is.

I'm not trusting him @SummerWhisper, he's definitely a arse. Hoping to go to my mums tomorrow with the Dc.

I think he thinks I'm stupid @WhiteBadger

Lies kill me. My ex lied to me too and when he was caught out, he kept lying. It's horrible that feeling that they think you're so stupid, you'll believe them.

I feel so sorry for you, just when you thought it was going so well.

Maybe it can be salvaged?

I really don't know @WhiteBadger. Him still lying when he knows that's what I'm most annoyed about, just makes me think the worst. I mean other than him actually cheating on me, he'd be better to tell me the truth, wouldn't he?

Yes just own up to it, makes all the difference. But lying and lying. Ahhhhh

I knew my ex was doing similar, texting women. I'd read the texts, fuck I even had printouts of his phone bills.

I sat him down and said I know what you're doing. If you own up we can sort this. I don't want to throw away 20 years, just tell the truth.

3 hours of him lying, nope he didn't do it. He didn't text anyone, all in my head.

By the end of it I was screaming. "Just tell me the truth or we're finished" "Tell me the fucking truth"

"No WhiteBadger I swear on the kids' lives I haven't text these women"

I took the pages and pages and pages of phone bills out from my handbag and threw them at him. Thousands of text during 10 months.

Do you know what he said

"It wasn't me!"

I looked at him incredulously, so he said "Well obviously it was me, but I didn't realise it was so many"

That was the day our marriage ended.

So I really really feel for you OP.

If he can't admit to lying, there is no going back.

He really needs to fuck off for a few days so that you can have a think.

Lies kill relationships.

He's being such a dickhead @WhiteBadger. He keeps apologising but then saying he's not done anything wrong. He won't leave me alone and I just sick of talking about it. I'm tempted to try get in touch with her, but think I'm still blocked.

He won't go @HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely. I've asked him to, he won't even give me some space at home. I just feel like screaming fuck off to him.

No no!! Don't get in touch with her!! Keep your dignity.

If you feel you must do it. Give it 24 hours. Then another, then another.

What would you hope to achieve by contacting her? She's hardly going to tell the truth either. She's got her own agenda. I sadly got in contact with one of the women he was texting. She lied too, said she'd never text him!! Didn't achieve anything by contacting her. Keep your dignity OP.

Oh crap he is hiding something. He’s just in deny deny deny mode now.

I would contact her. She might give him up in the hope he goes trotting back to her

So he has her on instagram and WhatsApp what other chatting sites is he chatting to her on with out u knowing ??? she is after ur man back

Facebook and snapchat too @snugs69. He has handed his phone over, can’t see anything on it. Not sure why he thinks she’s seeing someone, there’s one photo with a man on a night out but no real indication they’re together. She’s been liking all his Instagram posts, apart from ones with me.

He is hiding something with his action u know that sending hugs hun feel for u xx

He's admitted he deleted some messages from today, because he says she sent some not very nice things about me and he didn't want me to get upset reading them. Such a thoughtful and sweet lying bastard.

He's at least agreed to sleep in Ds's room tonight now.

I’m sorry your finding this out Sunflower

This would be over for me...

He's saying this is the truth, although earlier he hadn't deleted anything and that was the truth, so not sure what I'm supposed to believe. But he said when we were split up he offloaded to her about me and she'd sent some messages about that, that weren't very nice about me. He knew I was already mad and had only messaged to try make it better and he thought me reading that would make it worse.

I'm sorry scrawny. It's not good is it.

Don't listen to anymore of his bullshit. Go to bed. Work out what you want to do. What is best for you. Do you have kids?

If it was me he'd have to block her. Why has she blocked you but not him. I wouldn't trust her. X

Yes, two @WhiteBadger. Toddler and a baby.

He has blocked her now @copperoliver.
He said she unblocked him because, they had years of friendship and history and she wanted to move on and get back to how they were before.

He's admitted he deleted some messages from today, because he says she sent some not very nice things about me

And yet he carried on messaging her and carried on keeping it a secret. Did he actually defend you? Or call her out on it? Why is he even ok with this woman bad mouthing you to him. His priorities are completely wrong.

Sending hugs. X