DP has secretly arranged to meet his ex. Should I say something?

[Aryaneedle]

I don't want to end it so should I keep quiet and see what happens? I don't want to be reactive and blow up a situation if he was going to be honest about it.

I snooped and he's arranged to see her mid march. Hasn't told me yet. We've had issues in the past with amount he saw her. Posted on here about it.

I agree on setting a time for him to leave by.

I will never ever be in another relationship again, that is for sure.

You'll find someone who deserves you @Aryaneedle. And don't even let him make you think this is all on YOU. He's a POS for even suggesting it's down to you.

I own my house Chuckle, I bought it before I met him and it's only my name on the mortgage/deeds. He has only lived here since September.

I'm 40 nacher. I'm 7 years older than him. I've had three major relationships in my life. A marriage of 10 years where I received broken bones because he was so violent and was told my childhood sexual abuse was my fault as 'I make the people I love hurt me' and a 3 year relationship where he took thousands off me for a cocaine habit I didn't know about and now this one who has emotionally cheated on me at best and whose ex of 14 years would go as far as to say she still loves him. I can't do anything with that. It is a massive head fuck as I still believe this one is a good person but I am the common denominator aren't I? I create toxic relationships and I'm not going through one again when this is over.

Stop blaming yourself. This kind of shit happens all the time.

As for him blaming your mental health - he can get to fuck. Tell him to pack his stuff and piss off.

Then we'll all have some wine and have a good old-fashioned mumsnetty moan together.

Christ @Aryaneedle you've had such a shitty time😭😭. So sorry to hear all that x

Thank you @LJenn

I'm fine. I've learnt that to process my trauma I just need to learn so I degrees and qualifications coming out of my ears as it's my individual way of processing it.

It's nice when someone acknowledges how shit it has been though so thank you

I would go along to their rendezvous (afterall you are perfectly entitled to go out for lunch at x restaurant, the gym, a movie wherever and it is not like you know ne is secretly meeting someone behind your back), if innocent I would innocently bump into them and we would be having a conversation about ommission being the same as lying and how on earth am I supposed to be "cool" when he is dishonest about their relationship as well as the assumptions one would make seeing them together without knowing. If their meeting is not as innocent and they are more than friends I would stay hidden and take pictures for evidence and build up more before I confront him.

Sorry OP RTFT....I'm sorry he is such an ass but you are well rid

Tell him to get out in fact stop listening to his BS about you and your mental health. Just reading about the drama and lies he's told is having a negative affect on my mental health.

Send him to go and live with his ex girlfriend, mom's, friends sofa who cares just get him out if your house put his stuff in bin bags put in the doorstep & change the locks job done. He can then tell the whole world about how your mental health drove you to chucking him out.

Just get him out.

I forgot to say

After you've thrown him out....come and join this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3837015-the-happy-singleton-part-two

@Aryaneedle

Please stop thinking of yourself as the common denominator in this, it is not you. Somewhere along the road in life you were hurt and learned to accept less for yourself. I was abused early on in life and from that point on was like a beacon to anyone that had a mind to harm another person, it takes a long time to relearn that you deserve better but you absolutely do, please be kind to yourself, you deserve so much more.

Love, never ever give up hope and faith in life, yourself and love.

My son's dad was abusive, 10 years I wasted on him, the damage he did was long lasting, but one foot in front of the other we get there.
He left when I was 42.
I healed for a while, I tried dating, I fell over a few times, I negotiated my way through making and keeping boundaries, I took a break, I went back to it, I had my heart broken, but I learned a LOT!

I'm now in my early 50s. I'm in love with the most wonderful man, we have an amazing life together, my son loves him, he loves my son.

I ALMOST gave up hope, I was literally running on hope fumes... I think if it had gone tits up with the date I had with my now OH, I probably would have crawled back under a rock and just wait to die.

Just when I thought there was nothing left, I found the person who makes my life great, and I know that whatever I feel for him, he feels at least the same.

by all means, lick your wounds, but YOU are stronger than you were, you are not the vulnerable one anymore, you saw BS and you called him out on it.

You do know that strength and determination with a healthy set of boundaries is your insurance policy against those who would try to control you. You now have the bubble of protection, a shield that they know they won't penetrate.

So... pick yourself up and put yourself back together a bit and do not limit your future happiness.

So keep coming back to us, we'll keep you sorted out and moving forward!

Glad you'll be apart soon. You don't need this.

Pack his stuff up change the locks this is your house. Take back control of your safe space. It’ll be easier to process with him and his toxic agenda gone.

OP, you are only the common denominator because you don't dump their sorry arses as fast as most other people would!

You are not the problem here. Dump the twat.

I really think you’ve been unfortunate, never underestimate the ability of shiftless types to be permanently on the lookout for themselves and their outstanding ability to profile people to suit there ne’er do well intentions. You obviously still have the ability to judge others by your own behaviour standards - which in this instance is both a blessing and a curse. keep on keeping on OP !