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Original poster

Not sure if he can ever love like that again

105 replies

mountaingroat · 21/02/2020 11:29

As said by my bf who I am with for two years.
Nc for this.
He does not know if he will ever love any girl ever again like he loved his exgf of ten years ago!
She broke his heart.He said it took him years to get over and has dropped this bombshell onto me last night.
WWyd?

OP posts:
mnthrowaway202020 · 21/02/2020 11:30

Cut your losses, he’ll never give you 100%

He needs counselling

12345kbm · 21/02/2020 11:31

Move on. Move on. Move on.

PegasusReturns · 21/02/2020 11:31

Leave

It’s not worth the torment.

MashedSpud · 21/02/2020 11:32

Ten years and he’s still moping about an ex gf?

He’s making excuses. Find someone who has a pair of bollocks.

enjoyingscience · 21/02/2020 11:34

Gross. He sounds like an immature idiot. He’s trying to play mind games with you, so you’ll prove you’re just as lovable as old girlfriend. Pretty nasty stuff really.

FetchezLaVache · 21/02/2020 11:35

Whether he will ever love any girl as much as he loved the ex is immaterial.

What he's telling you, and the crux of the matter as far as you are concerned, is that he will never love you as much as he loved her.

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 21/02/2020 11:36

Leave him - that sounds a very manipulative thing to say indeed!

Either he isn't ready to be in a relationship = don't be in a relationship with him

Or he's grooming you to agree you are willing to be second best and treated as second rate, not fully respected, a consolation prize, potentially willing to be a doormat, comforting him through potential bad inconsiderate behaviour attributed to his endless mourning for his real love, and accept being cheated on if his ex - or indeed another superior woman who he discovered he could in fact love "like that" came along. This will never be his fault in his opinion because he warned you and you accepted that.

Friendsofmine · 21/02/2020 11:40

I don't think he's moping necessarily.

I lost a love and have never felt the same since because my ability to believe in forever has changed, my idea that you can keep those you love with you if you try hard enough,
my innocence if you see what I mean. Could he have just meant that? It doesn't make him a bad partner if he loves you and meets your needs. The question is, does he?

mnthrowaway202020 · 21/02/2020 11:41

To a certain degree, I’m still caught up on past relationships. Not because I miss my ex or still want to be with them, but because I kind of have a commitment phobia? I’m only interested in something casual and can’t really bring myself to give the person I’m dating 100% again. However I’m completely upfront with anyone that wants something more with me, I’m not going to string them along. It’s not fair on them, it’s my own issue to work on. Your bf has handled this the complete wrong way.

TooOldForThis67 · 21/02/2020 11:47

I'd be very hurt by that comment and don't think I could come back from it. After 2 years! Nope. Run. Each new relationship should be better than the last surely?

aSofaNearYou · 21/02/2020 11:50

Wow, that is so far from being an acceptable thing to say to a girlfriend of two years. Definitely cut your losses with this guy.

CorianderLord · 21/02/2020 12:04

Never be the girl after "the one who got away" - he'll never love you enough

dontgobaconmyheart · 21/02/2020 12:09

Time to go OP. You arent in competition with his ex and don't want to start.

He obviously needs help, it was a decade ago and he has presumably attached all sorts of fantasies to it and created this bizarre narrative that she was the love of his life. Needless to say he has literally rild you she was, not you. Two years with you hasn't changed that. Get him gone OP you are selling yourself very short if you stay.

keepingtheplantsalive · 21/02/2020 12:43

Don't stay, my ex said that to me too, after two years. I could have maybe coped with it at the start but two years in, he knew me and knew he loved the thought of her more than the reality of me.

We stayed together another couple of years, it ground down my self-esteem. When we split up, he walked away in a very cold way and I believe he was with someone new within a couple of weeks. Which devastated me again.

Friendsofmine · 21/02/2020 13:29

I was thinking more about being a widow and how that changes you forever rather than an issue moving on.

Newmum2000 · 21/02/2020 14:09

I'm so sorry. I'm not sure how you can recover from a comment like that and be truly happy. He's effectively asking you to accept permanently feeling second best. I know it would be really hard to break up after 2 years, but don't you at least want to give yourself a chance to be with someone who thinks you're the best thing ever. That someone is out there for you and staying with your bf is stopping you from finding them. I hope it works out for you xxxxxxxxx

Zenithbear · 21/02/2020 14:12

Find a confident man who you deserve and makes you feel wanted.

pictish · 21/02/2020 14:19

“I know what you mean. I’ll never know a shag like my ex. No one else has ever come close to satisfying me sexually like he did.”

See how he likes it.

NaughtyLittleElf · 21/02/2020 14:23

A comment like that after two years would be the end for me, he's telling you he doesn't love you as much as he thinks he should, he's telling you the relationship isn't working for him, you need to believe him and end it.

ravenmum · 21/02/2020 14:27

Is he saying it as an excuse for why he is thoughtless/uncommitted/bad in bed?
Or is he just a Peter Pan who can't believe he's grown up and is obsessed with the exciting years before he had to get on with responsible adult life?

TorkTorkBam · 21/02/2020 14:32

Why did he tell you that?

SaintEyning · 21/02/2020 14:38

I had one of these. Stuck it out for 3 and a half years. I ended it a week after the relationship counsellor, on hearing him say it, told us she had never heard anyone say that to their partner in 20 years of counselling. Re-find your self esteem and be happy.

4amWitchingHour · 21/02/2020 15:03

I'll never love anyone like I loved my first boyfriend, but that's because I was 17 and had my head in the clouds. I love my DH in a different, probably equal way but they're kind of impossible to compare. I would never ever ever say anything along these lines to him, because it's utterly irrelevant and he could be hurt by it. I suspect he doesn't love me in the same way he loved his ex (his first proper love), but I'm sure as hell
never going to ask.

Your boyfriend has made it relevant by saying it to you. He's an utter dick for doing so, and showing the lack of care he has for you. Get rid.

LynetteScavo · 21/02/2020 15:30

I wouldn't stay around to be second best for the rest of my life.

mamato3lads · 21/02/2020 18:18

The fact he said to to YOU speaks volumes...mostly volumes of What The Fuck.

He shouldn't have said that to you and if a man said that to me, I'd be gone, how fucking hurtful

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