Not sure if he can ever love like that again

[mountaingroat]

As said by my bf who I am with for two years.
Nc for this.
He does not know if he will ever love any girl ever again like he loved his exgf of ten years ago!
She broke his heart.He said it took him years to get over and has dropped this bombshell onto me last night.
WWyd?

Dump his arse.

He's setting you up to fail and why on earth would you want to be someone's second-best? Fuck that noise.

Have some self-respect and dump him.

What he said was unacceptable, whatever his motivation. Dump him.

Move on .
He needs counselling.

How old are you both?

Move on I'm afraid

Move on

I know someone who said the same. I knew him through my friend. My friend was his girlfriend for a couple of years. She was killed in horrible circumstances, devastated all of us.

But he made her into a saint. She wasnt. I loved her, including her flaws. I miss her now, 16 years later. But she was human and flawed, like all of us.

No woman he has met since has compared. I doubt anyone will.

Dump him, and when he starts back peddling, and he will, DO NOT take him back.

I wouldn't stay around to be second best for the rest of my life.

this ^

Why would you stay around?

How immature and disrespectful to you. Tell him he's got 2 choices: move on from the past for God's sake and focus on you in the present or you will leave and he can wallow in his past fantasy all alone.

I will never love anyone the way I loved my dad. Not dh, not even my kids. A love like that comes along once if you are lucky.
But I would never, never tell anyone IRL that! I keep it to myself and I love people the best I can. I can’t imagine why he needed to tell you what he did, what does he expect you to do with that info?

what does he expect you to do with that info?

He gets to see how you react. If you decide you can live with it, then he will go on to test your boundaries further. Whether he actually means to break you, it's a step along that path.

I'm so sorry, best thing you can do is bin him off.

Thanks.
Can I ask those of you who believe that he is testing me to find out what I will accept in our relationship, what happens in the end.
When I have agreed to do certain things or agreed to accept certain flaws , do I prove myself to him? Is that what he is doing? Will he be happy then? Or will he always test me?

@mountaingroat you shouldn't have to ask these questions. It's an unhealthy relationship. Leave him.

I do not think he said it to be cruel: he told me to know how damaged and hurt he was after it was over.
I don't understand why he told me. Maybe to prepare me Of we don't work out

He does not know if he will ever love any girl ever again like he loved his exgf of ten years ago!

The only response to that, if you have a shred of self-esteem and self-respect is: 'You may not know if you'll ever love anyone like her again, but I know I never want to see your face again because you're a disrespectful, immature, egotistical piece of shit. Consider yourself dumped. Don't contact me again. Goodbye.'

Can I ask those of you who believe that he is testing me to find out what I will accept in our relationship, what happens in the end.

What happens is that you lose all your self-confidence, all your trust in yourself, all your emotional well-being whilst he continue to behave as the egotistical, self-absorbed dickhead he is.

Doesn’t matter why he told you. It was unacceptable and disrespectful to you. Most posters have suggested ending the relationship.

He’s testing the water to see if you’ll accept being second best.

Once he knows that you will, he’ll know he has carte blanche to treat you like shit and you’ll probably put up with it.

I do not think he said it to be cruel: he told me to know how damaged and hurt he was after it was over.
I don't understand why he told me. Maybe to prepare me Of we don't work out

He said it because he's a filter-less adolescent prick with an ego the size of a planet so far up his own arse he believes he's being nobly honest about his poor, ickle feelings. A grown up would have addressed these feelings with a trained professional and worked them years ago, on his own and of his own volition, because he realises it's his issue and has potential to sabotage both his and whoever else's he's with happiness.

I wouldn't hope to be in a relationship with someone who'd lost their true love. That's a tough road.

Self-indulgent claptrap, at best thoughtless and juvenile, at worst, deliberately cruel.

He was telling you that he doesn't "properly" love you. If he had been drinking I would guess it was in vino veritas

He has settled for you. For now. It's up to you what to do with that. Settle for him? Stay in the relationship until one of you gets a better offer then one of you breaks it off? That could be fine if you are not looking for marriage and babies. Only you can know if it is worth you staying with a man who only sees you as good enough for now seeing as there's no one better available at the moment.

mountaingroat
It's not a pass or fail test, it's a test of where your boundaries are and how much, and what degree of, poor treatment you will accept. If you show him you'll accept being a consolation prize, he will only know he hasn't found your boundaries yet and yes, he'll treat you with less and less respect until you finally say stop - there's a chance that being assertive and telling him to sort himself out - with therapy and come back only when he's sure he does indeed love and respect you and is over his long ago ex - will do it. It's more likely though that having boundaries will end the relationship because he wants to be able to treat you badly, and have you trying hard to prove yourself worthy all our life.

If you don't assert yourself he'll cheat on you and you'll do the pick me dance. He'll not come home all night and you'll worry about what you did wrong, he'll silk and not speak to you and you'll blame yourself. He'll criticise your appearance, your cooking, your earnings and you'll try harder to be what he wants - you'll be a complete doormat, and both of you will be utterly miserable.

You sound like you’re looking for reasons to excuse his behaviour for being anything but what it really is. The old MN cliche will help here.. when a person shows you who they really are, believe them.

Have the self respect to put yourself first, and bin him. You deserve better!

Damaged and hurt my arse. We’ve all had our hearts broken. He’s not so special.

I would have to end it.
If you stay this will more than likely wreck your self esteem and you will eventually end it anyway and look back and say you wished you had ended it there and then because it wasn't worth the pain!