I think H has or is about to put tracker on my car

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I went in to Hs bedroom to put son's new Fitbit type watch on charge. Out of the cables I didn't know which but saw one had a label which said Trackisafe and a code.
I googled it. It's a mini tracking device. It needs two apps, the Trackisafe one and a V for Vodafone app.
We have Apple so I can see he has purchased both apps. I managed to get hold of his phone very briefly and he has downloaded and set up both apps. I couldn't get on there long enough to see maps.
I also found the box, opened it and the tracker isn't in the box.
I went out to the car while he was out saying I needed to get all the rubbish out if there. Lots of dc so easy to be true. I couldn't find anything.
It's half term and we are both at home.
From the date of app purchase a coupe of weeks ago, I'm guessing he either removed it before half term or will put it in after school starts again.
I cannot confront him as I don't have firm evidence. Plus I don't want him to know I can get on his phone.
Background is before Christmas in 2018 he hit me, I called police. He has a caution for assault. I now know I have been living in a controlling coercive marriage. (Not trying to down play. It's utterly shit. Just being factual to keep post as short as possible)
In Sept when I told him I was serious about divorce he cut me out of his bank account. Apparently we haven't needed a joint account I could just access his but no more.
At Christmas I told him I would endure it with him and then start divorce proceedings.
The Friday before I know he purchased the apps and most likely took delivery of the tracker I told him we have to draw this to a close. No one is happy etc. It is going to end up in divorce.
He is in COMPLETE denial.
I think he is a narcissist in the true clinical definition, I'm not just calling names.
I have a solicitor appointment booked for next week.
What do I do? What should I do? What is likely to happen to him because if I do find a tracker I won't touch it but will drive to the nearest police station. What if I never find a tracker I just strongly suspect it?
Please be kind. I know this is not right and needs to be over but because of the way he is have been doing baby steps trying to do things gently and safely rather than full on. I do not live in fear day to day but am concerned he could be volatile. He had had mental health issues too.

These trackers apparently only hold 1-2 days worth of battery charge - so he's going to need regular access to your car. Could you come up with some excuse to not drive it for a while, ie garage, to enable you to have a better look or take it somewhere where they can?

Please look after yourself, this is so scary.

Set up your own secret cameras to see what he is up to. Then pretend not to know while using the knowledge to manipulate the manipulator as you plan your escape. So he thinks he knows where you drive to. Ha! Park then bus means you have total freedom to go to solicitors etc all the while he thinks you are being obedient.

OP you will have to assume he’s tracking everything. My ex somehow knew what I was typing on my phone and my laptop. I once used the AA routeplanner on my laptop for something to do with work. He was later on his laptop and asked me why I’d looked up that particular journey. When I asked him how he knew I’d done that he said it was something to do with the WiFi/ a home network. I knew then he’d bugged my laptop.
Another night he found my thread on here saying he’d randomly stumbled across it and recognised our circumstances. I’d never told him I was on MN or ever mentioned the site. I only accessed it on my phone. He screenshot every part of the thread. I felt very very unsafe then, he was fuming. I left very quickly that week. I had to change my phone and my laptop.
I honestly have no idea how he’d done this or when. I don’t know how long it had been going on. He told everyone I’d left him for another man which was not true. He was totally paranoid. I’d never given him any reason to doubt me. When he knew he was rumbled he was very angry and I wasn’t safe. Be very careful how you handle this. You have DC to get out with you. Just get out as safely and quietly as you can. My advice would be not to confront him. Just know he’s spying on you. Act accordingly and escape ASAP

@presstochange
The professionals see this charming facade every day, and they know that it's all false.
I too was worried that they wouldn't see through it. He's a respectable business owner, we lived in a beautiful expensive house, he drives nice cars, has a respectable well off family who are well known in our small town. He has charmed so many people and is a master manipulator and I also believe him to be a true narcissist. He genuinely thinks he's the nicest bloke, best dad, etc. I assisted in painting that picture by feeding his ego, posting happy family pictures and gushing posts on social media. Like you, my world was twisted and skewed to suit him and his every need.
Honestly, tell all many trusted people as you can. You will be surprised at how many people already know what he is really like and just haven't said anything to you for fear of upsetting you.
I totally get your need for proof that cant be twisted or skewed, as he can probably tie you up in knots and make you doubt yourself. My ex can still do that to me now.
If you can find it, video document it, but don't remove it. Report it to the police. If they are able to find it insitu this is great evidence. This will give you standing for a non-mol order which will assist later in family court.
Having read a lot of posts, family courts are notoriously crap for dealing with victims of abuse, so any indisputable evidence from crime reports etc will hopefully go in your favour.
Document everything. But do so safely where he can't find it.

Post separation, my ex has actually been a lot better with the DC than I thought he would be. I also shared similar worries as he has never really had a hand in raising the kids as that's obviously a womans job.
Every time he has contact I write in a notebook if i have any worries or concerns. This was I will have a log to present to CAFCASS should it go to court.

Ultimately you've got to do what's right for you in this situation. You know him best.

Feel free to PM me if you wanted to chat about anything

OP I am short of time but just wanted to say it seems possible that he's tracking something other than your car using the tracker- maybe he's placed it in your coat, handbag etc..

I use trackers on dogs in my job and they can actually be placed on anything. Battery life is an issue though so I'd expect batteries need swapping out and recharging every few days.

I don't think youre unhinged OP, I totally get what you're saying, this thing about painting himself in a golden light is often referred to as 'the facade' when people speak about narcissists, maintaining the Facade is key and he understands this. The Facade is what allows him to get away with bad behaviour because people interpret everything in the light of the golden Facade, they always give him the benefit of the doubt and they do not join the dots.
he knows that once the Facade is destroyed everything is lost because everyone will see through him that's why he guards and defends it so rigorously, if he is exposed and humiliated he becomes a Predator cornered and that is a dangerous predator.
He always makes sure he has plausible deniability for everything, one thing that's in your favour he believes you are a mere silly woman who will not be able to out manoeuvre him, obviously that can be used to your advantage

He was later on his laptop and asked me why I looked up a particular journey
Aminut I noticed that although your partner has gone to all these lengths to track and monitor you he wasn't able to stop himself from letting slip enough information to tip you off as to what was happening!
He might think he was good at undercover work but he was actually crap and gave himself away, almost as if he was so pleased with himself he had to let you know how clever he was 😳

Get a mobile mechanic out to look for it instead of going to a garage. Good luck and stay safe x

The trackers are magnetic..it will be under the car about half an arm reach in... usually in the middle. If he had time he could also have placed it in the front bumper and attached it to your battery so it never needs charging. You can pop the bonnet and see if any other small wires are attached. If it's under the car he will need to remove it to charge it. He can set it to only activate when the car is moving and that saves battery use and it will last around a week. I agree with everyone else.. just get out and get safe. Stop worrying about the details he sounds terribly dangerous. Good luck

Have you looked under the wheel arches op?

I think you should be involving the police. You have reasonable grounds to suspect this and photographs to support what you have seen.

You can pick up a very cheap PAYG phone to contact the police if you are concerned about phone monitoring.

@HopeYouStepOnALego The OP said that the tracker app was set up to alert movement outside a zone encompassing her work. So, no, it's not for his own car.

Op you need to contact the police.
You have no evidence otherwise.

Please get them to help you. It was only last week a new item was about a man who killed himself and his wife and children.

You’re naively thinking the way you’re doing things is protecting your children but that isn’t true. You’re putting yourself and them at harms risk.

@UYScuti thank you, I am "lucky" that his ego is so inflated that he will underestimate me. He underestimated all women tbh.

Everything you say about the Golden Facade is so spot on. Also the plausible deniability. So accurate a description.

@hopeyousteponalego he has a map with a virtual walk around my work place which gives alerts when I enter or leave.

@Aminuts23 I only use 3/4g on my phone now as he set up all the Wi-fi and that makes me suspicious.

I spoke to Womens Aid via the chat. I now have numbers for local women's aid in the area, DV assist and stalking helpline.

It's a bit difficult to see it all written down, to see where I've finally arrived at. The realisation this is really sick and more like a tv plot than life should be.

I think I've been too concerned about keeping things on an even keel, trying to do things decently so the children will respect us both.

Womens aid talked about prohibitive steps and occupation orders. The children will hate me. I will look at all that and take professional advice. Professionals see this all the time where as this is my world. I feel even though he is the abuser and all these actions to be taken are to protect me and the children, it plays right into his hands of Mummy being unreasonable to this really nice guy.

I will do the right thing though. I can't see how I can do it this weekend but Monday I will be on it first thing

The children's schools are aware from before Christmas last year but unless anything is flagged up since I doubt we are on their radar.

Do you have any advice, should I say something to the schools? And what should I say to the children's schools?

He underestimated all women
the idea that he could be out done by a woman is so threatening and challenging that his mind won't even go there, he can only treat women as if they are inferior to him.... and this will be his undoing

The fact that he always make sure he has plausible deniability tells you that he knows he's in the wrong he knows he needs an excuse for every single thing, also that he feels completely entitled to get away with all these things... well that's my reading of it

The children will hate you? I doubt it.

How hands on is he with them now?

What you say to school depends on what you need to happen. If you just want them to be aware so they can offer kindness and support if the children are upset, then tell them that following the DV incident you have now decided to divorce, the atmosphere at home is awful and the children are no doubt picking up on it, you hope to have things resolved and a safe calm home atmosphere before long.

If you think he is a danger to the children, get the relevant orders against him then it is easy with the school to tell them you've got these orders, he is not to collect them or have contact, children are adjusting.

The tracker might not be in your car. Could the tracker be in your handbag lining or coat lining? He could justify the purchase by saying he bought it to protect the new expensive ego-car.

As others have said, he may well have a key-logger (freely available for iphones etc) and be able to read everything you are writing here. Please talk to people in real life before discussing plans here. Check your antivirus software to make sure there haven't been files excluded.

Good luck. Stay safe and get out asap.

I'm not gonna lie, the children may act out and say they hate you, but you've got to understand that's to please/placate daddy just like you have placated him over the years. Out of his shadow day in day out, things will change and you'll see a change in your dc for the better.

If he has a track of your walk, then the battery will be on you and not in the car. So handbag?

He will be getting lots of advice off the internet, fathers for whatever the latest incarnation. Glad you spoke to womens aid. My friend had her own father banned from pick up she was so scared of what he might do. to his grandchildren. Take this seriously please.

The children say when he's not around that the atmosphere is better. My eldest says it's not like other people's houses.

However he does spend well on them. This year he did Christmas presents for the first time ever. Interestingly he didn't get much for the youngest who is too young to chose or the eldest who he Would assume would side with me. But the middle two who can chose. Thousands.

The cynical person in me would say he's working on them already to go with him. Again the word manipulative pops up. I'm beginning to see how calculating this all is.

I will not be splitting my children. He can see them but they will be together as a unit.

I know my x got off on staying calmwhile he charmed and lied and chuckled with fellow professionals (solicitors)
You cannot prove anything so stick to what is your right.

In your case right now hold on to the fact that you have the right to leave, for any reason or no reason.

That'd be my advice in hindsight. Always keep it simple and push for what is your right.

To leave.
To be left alone.
To be safe.

My x told me i was crazy and i took anti depressants which finally gave me impetus to leave.

I would leave sooner rather than later.

Take it from somebody who totally relocated. One bag, two kids, new location.

everything can be sorted out later
It can.

yes he is deliberately investing money in the middle two children to make favourites of them so that he can use them against you, that's not just a cynical interpretation, that's what he's actually doing