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Original poster

Am I being taken for a fool!

458 replies

keeptakingthepills · 20/02/2020 19:15

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 21/02/2020 15:28

He’s given you your opportunity!

He doesn’t have the decency to discuss any problems he has face to face so don’t extend him any courtesy.

Don’t see my future being fun.Don’t worry about it. I’ll plan my own evenings from now on

You can have whatever future you want and as much fun as you want, because I don’t want to be a part of it.

And yes, you will plan your own evenings. Every single evening from here on in. We’re done. I trust you can manage to pack your own bags. I want you out. Now.

datasgingercatspot · 21/02/2020 15:28

I really wish I could have my home back tonight and just relax and get my head round all this without a houseful if people that aren’t even my family!

You can. You just text him now. 'You need to be out of my house tonight.'

You are allowing this treatment to continue.

He hasn't paid living expenses for 8 fucking months! He's got plenty for a Premier Inn.

He's an abusive cunt and I feel for your kids having to be subjected to him, he's not 'kind and calm', he abuses their mother, and money that could be spent on them is going to feed his lazy gob and subsidise his kids.

He's a bullying, gaslighting, entitled twat.

mbosnz · 21/02/2020 15:29

I’ll just go out all day tomorrow and once his kids have gone home I’ll tell him very quietly and calmly that the relationship has run it’s course and it’s time for him to move out

Good on you! That is absolutely fantastic.

I can't believe he can't see just how good he's been having it, and has squandered this (undeserved) opportunity/situation that he had. Arrogant, entitled prick.

Barkybarkynutnut · 21/02/2020 15:31

LTB

datasgingercatspot · 21/02/2020 15:32

His kids are teens but stuck on their devices. I just tried to rally them into getting out of bed otherwise they’d likely still be in bed in their pjs at 5pm
And I cleared up as I didn’t have time to get them to do it as getting to work. I’m exhausted already at 3:30! Just thinking about going home is making me fume quietly. I won’t make a scene in front of kids or embarrass him or chuck them out. I’m not that mean and uncharitable. I’ll just go out all day tomorrow and once his kids have gone home I’ll tell him very quietly and calmly that the relationship has run it’s course and it’s time for him to move out

You're a sitting duck for abusive dicks because it is not making a scene, mean or uncharitable to tell him to leave right now. You're more worried about this entitled prick than about the home your kids live in.

Can't believe you're ferrying around his kids who are teens! From your posts I'd have thought they were primary school aged.

TorkTorkBam · 21/02/2020 15:33

I’ll just go out all day tomorrow and once his kids have gone home I’ll tell him very quietly and calmly that the relationship has run it’s course and it’s time for him to move out

Reverse that. Message him now in reply to calmly say the relationship has run it’s course and it’s time for him to move out. He can stay the weekend with the children but he has to be out on Monday. Then you stay out of the way all day.

If he makes a scene in front of the teens that is on him not you.

Get it done. There will always be a reason to wait another day.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/02/2020 15:41

"Don’t see my future being fun"

To be fair he got that one right ... it won't be so easy to find another woman who'll put up with what you did

cstaff · 21/02/2020 15:42

Well if he doesn't see a future just bin him tonight. Why should you have to get out of your house tomorrow to avoid him. Surely it should be the other way round. He has given you a perfect excuse to get rid right now after his horrible comments.

OhCaptain · 21/02/2020 15:43

I really don’t understand your hesitance.

His children have somewhere to go ie their home!

And if you tell him now then he can be gone by Sunday latest.

Stop being so passive in your own life! Being “nice” to this extent is a liability!

GaraMedouar · 21/02/2020 15:47

OP - I read your post and thought - is this me writing it? I had a cocklodger for 7 years , I paid everything, had his kids stay every weekend - I finally gave him an ultimatum - either you contribute financially or you leave - he shrugged and left - he’s now cocklodging with new girlfriend , and our DD gets not a penny child maintenance . Very frustrating but as he’s self employed and lazy, so really doesn’t earn anything there’s no point me going to the CMS.

Original poster
keeptakingthepills · 21/02/2020 15:48

True. I can say take your kids back to your ex. Make up whatever excuses you need to I don’t care. Then come back and pack and leave. I’ll stay out of your way. Make sure you leave your key on your way out.

OP posts:
cupoftea84 · 21/02/2020 15:49

Good luck x

Original poster
keeptakingthepills · 21/02/2020 15:50

I’m a well educated woman who looks after my own kids and provides them with everything they need. I don’t ask my ex for anything above the basic cm. and as those of you out there know that doesn’t cover the half of what they need! I don’t need his negative abusive bullshit
I’ve been done for a while actually just didn’t want to admit it.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 21/02/2020 15:51

True. I can say take your kids back to your ex. Make up whatever excuses you need to I don’t care. Then come back and pack and leave. I’ll stay out of your way. Make sure you leave your key on your way out

Perfect. Is this what you are going to reply?

OhCaptain · 21/02/2020 15:52

Yesss!!! Send that message!!

LizB62A · 21/02/2020 15:52

I'd get the locks changed once he's gone, if you're giving him warning that you want your keys back....

datasgingercatspot · 21/02/2020 15:52

He's not just cocklodging, but he's a gaslighting, abusive, bullying, negging thundercunt.

Smurfie12 · 21/02/2020 15:54

Just be careful of leaving him alone whilst packing, he might decide to take items that don't belong to him just to further piss you off, just like mine did oh and mine forgot to leave the key etc etc

TorkTorkBam · 21/02/2020 15:54

Send it.

I bet he does not go.

Then you will know for sure. Pure cocklodger.

mbosnz · 21/02/2020 15:55

Better and better!

I'll be breaking out the bubbly to toast you tonight, methinks. . .

OhCaptain · 21/02/2020 15:55

He’ll probably start back peddling like a man possessed!

fedup21 · 21/02/2020 15:55

I predict he will take this badly and will either turn on the charm so he can persuade you to change your mind, or take your stuff and the key.

datasgingercatspot · 21/02/2020 15:56

Just re-read your OP. This git had you believing you were unreasonable, hormonal and irrational - that's misogynistic bullying language he convinced you that you're wrong for not putting up with his abuse and his lazy arse kids. My 12-year-old makes his own snacks and breakfast and cleans up after himself! He and his teen sister rotate out making full family meals and cleaning up.

pinkyredrose · 21/02/2020 15:56

He was lodging at a friends who then sold their house and moved so he had to move. It wasn’t planned. I didn’t even ask him to move in. We never even had a conversation about it. I honestly have no idea how I let it happen!

Oh dear fucking God. Did you not notice him turning up with his stuff and inviting his kids to yours? Did you give him a key? He really did see you coming.

Kick his fucking lazy arse out tonight, get some peace in your life. He's not your responsibility. 1st stop, get your house back. 2nd stop work on your self esteem and assertiveness.

JKScot4 · 21/02/2020 15:57

Good God the neck of him!
Lives there free of charge with his lazy kids and has the cheek to nag you!
Fuck him right out!
I’d be texting him; take the kids to their mothers and you can collect your belongings tomorrow; you’re no longer welcome in MY home; you scrounging scruffy cunt!!