Am I being taken for a fool!

[keeptakingthepills]

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

When he's being unpleasant to you, ie letting you sleep on the sofa, saying he doesn't want sex with you etc, take the opportunity to agree with him that the pair of you are clearly not compatible and it's a shame to carry on like this when he obviously doesn't want to be with you and him moving out this week suits you fine

^^ THIS!

No his kids are still at mine. I got back from
the gym got them something to eat. Told them to get dressed brush their teeth and make the bed. Then I had to dash yo work. I think they’re on their own till he gets back. Oh and I had to clear up the mess they’d made trying to make syrup waffles. Syrup everywhere!

You are being played for a mug. You know what you need to do! Time to have the conversation OP.

How old are these kids left alone in the house? HE needs to get home fast!

The more you write the worse it sounds.

Time for him to leave and take all his baggage with him. He sees you no more then a bank account to support him, his children and his ex wife.

I suspect you will feel 100% more energy, money and time in your life once he has gone.

You don’t actually have to do anything. All of this is a choice you’re making.

OP for every update he seems worse and worse. For once in a blue moon you have a thread of total agreement. Still you hardly respond when poster give you advise.

What is your take on the situation?

He's not just a cocklodger, he's grooming you for further abuse.

Belittling you, attacking your self esteem - can't you see he's grinding you down so he can stay permanently and you'll put up with it because you're broken and desperate for a relationship.

Stop this now. Get him out before it gets worse and potentially gets physical. This is not a nice man. You must look at the freedom program, he is a classic abuser.

He's gradually showing you his true colours, bet he was lovely at the start but he obviously feels comfortable enough to start the mental abuse.

This is very similar to the "fussy eater" thread, where the OP had gradually accepted her partners nasty behaviour and it was only his fussy eating that she was initially worried about.

As a pp says, when he calls you boring and says he doesn't want sex just agree and say you think the relationship is finished so he needs to go.

When my ex refused to leave I changed the locks when he was down the pub, when he came back and started to try kicking the door in I called the police. I had to bag up his stuff and give it to him, and then they escorted him from my driveway.

He needs to go. Better for your kids to see you won’t put up with a shit situation. That no relationship is better than a shit one.

He is massively taking the piss but because he’s got away with it for so long he thinks it’s normal.

Not sure why you’d want to continue a relationship with some one who has treated you thoughtlessly.

He's a thundercunt, OP! He's fucking abusive. Why are you subjecting your kids to this twat? He would be OUT of my house that very day. FUCK minimal damage or offending him, he doesn't care FA for you. FA. You're just a cash cow and he's grooming you to endure emotional abuse so you continue to pay for him and do all the work. This is disgusting.

Do you have friends you can call to come over whilst you kick him out? Stop feeling bad about this, he doesn't.

I'd do what Chuckles suggests or call friends and announce that he is leaving tonight. And don't let his kids being there be the reason you do not because he is abusive. You calmly state that the relationship is now over and X needs to find somewhere else to go.

OP if these children are old enough to be on their own all day while their dad is at work they must be mid to late teens. Can't they make themselves toast and wash up? You had to tell them to brush their teeth?

Is this a wind up?

You’re being played and used for free childcare. Why are you subbing this man? Are you that desperate for a relationship you’d put up with this!! You’re like an unpaid nanny!! Get rid

This man really is taking you for a fool imagine the lads banter in his workplace

"yeah I moved in with this divorced woman I pay zero rent or bills, throw her the odd bit of cash for food, she collects feeds and looks after my kids and I don't even have to sleep with her anymore!! I have the life haha"

Seriously this man gives no shits at all.
Show your DC that no matter how many mistakes you/they make in life that you can admit the mistake and move on from it (or in this case him)
All you are showing them is your willingness to settle for crap because you are afraid to admit to yourself that this man is yet another waste of space.

And yes please as pp suggested agree with him that you are both incompatible now and that you too have no interest in sex with him either and it's time to give the relationship up, he can grab his stuff after work no need to drag it out.

You're useless and boring

What the actual fuck!!!

Please OP! Don't worry about "offending him" get him the fuck out your life!!!

Your children are seeing you being treated like this, they will make the same mistake in their relationships. Get him out your life!

What a Cocklodger!!

Has he ignored you saying you aren't taking care of them?

Behaves like a total dick, you react in doormat style and then he does extra wiping his feet on you with the abandoning his kids. You've really been put in your place the last 24hrs haven't you?

You must have been put in your place repeatedly over the last months or you wouldn't be so easily walked over now. You would not be under reacting like you are. You would not be agonising over how to tell him nicely to not be a cock in the hope he might deign to not be a cock if you can find the nicey nicey magic words to make him see he is a cock and that is bad. You would be planning the eleventy million ways you could get him the fuck away from you in the shortest time because you've had enough of this shite.

I can't believe you cleaned up the children's syrup mess. You supervise with a stern look while they clean it up sheepishly. That's how it works.

@12345kbm perhaps you are on to something 🙅‍♀️.

And see how insidious his abuse is, because that's what it is, OP, he's softening you up by slowly negging you, so in your OP you even said you were hormonal and irrational so probably unreasonable about putting up with your bullying, cocklodging, ratbag. Catch yourself on!

OP are you going to be posting tomorrow about how you’ve done x thing that he or they should have done? Just stop doing it? Why is anything going to change if you don’t?

OP come on. Big girl pants on. Fuck him out the door. Your life will be so much better.

He sounds rubbish! Sorry OP! I’m not quite sure what he’s bringing to the table (except the plates, reluctantly...)

I’m sorry i hadn’t rtft - mistook the 7 for a 1.

Now I see he’s abusive as well you must LTB - meaning make him leave - as soon as you can.

This unbelievable. Where did you meet this guy? Where was he living before he met you?

Has it occurred to you that his keenness to move in with you may have been linked to his ability to have regular access to his kids? If he was previously sofa surfing with a male mate, for example, neither his previous partner nor the courts would allow a teenage daughter to stay over. So of course the answer to that one would have been to look around for some available female with no male partner and a nice house, shag her and suggest in the throws of postcoital bliss that he move in whilst he "gets himself sorted". Job done!

PLEASE don't tell me you met him on Tinder.....