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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being taken for a fool!

458 replies

keeptakingthepills · 20/02/2020 19:15

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 21/02/2020 17:49

The thought of the laughing face emoji is giving me the rage!

Me too!

JKScot4 · 21/02/2020 17:51

Stop thinking about where he’ll be, he’s scrounged off you long enough, get the teens away home asap they are not your responsibility.

OhCaptain · 21/02/2020 17:53

Have you responded @keeptakingthepills?

I can’t work out if you’re home or not! What’s your plan?

FinallyHere · 21/02/2020 18:03

So sorry to read this. I might be having the locks changed before he gets back. No need to ask for his key back. No need to worry about him having had spares cut.

Pack up his stuff, hand it out through the window rather than the door. No chance of him stepping foot on the premises again.

Surely his D.C. , if they are old enough to stay at your place on their own, have a key for their mothers place. Send them back in a prepaid taxi.

And breathe. Life is going to be so much better without him. Enjoy.

and a handhold meanwhile.

LangSpartacusCleg · 21/02/2020 18:05

I have just read the full thread and I am stunned at his behaviour.

I understand you may not want to escalate things in front of his kids and that is a credit to you. I’m not sure I would be so generous, however. Kick him to the kerb!

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 21/02/2020 18:05

The thought of the laughing face emoji is giving me the rage!

Uuugh me too but tbh it makes the thought of his 'realisation' face (when he realises OP is serious and he has to leave) even sweeter.

You're going to handling this like a boss now I think OP - he's going to regret that emoji.

I don't regret this one Grin

Bluntness100 · 21/02/2020 18:09

To be honest the piss take response with the laughing emoji annoys me too. He really thinks you’re a mug op and willing to pay just to have him there, and take the shit for the same reason.

MotherofTerriers · 21/02/2020 18:11

I'm raging for you
Hope he goes quietly
Have you got backup in case he kicks off?

datasgingercatspot · 21/02/2020 18:15

That response would give me the rage, the laughing emoji especially.

Powerplant · 21/02/2020 18:15

Yes he is taking your for a fool and you’re letting him get away with it. Leave him to it this weekend, with your kids at they’re dads go out with friends and let him do the shopping and cooking for his kids

Powerplant · 21/02/2020 18:19

Opps sorry just read all of the post

Powerplant · 21/02/2020 18:27

Good luck and stick to your guns

squiglet111 · 21/02/2020 18:29

Does he work? What exactly is he paying for? If he's not even paying anything for food or bills then he's basically living at yours for free and you are paying for everything? How has he got no money?? Surely he should be able to afford his own holidays if he's not paying rent or bills? Seriously I think you need to boot him! And don't you feel bad and pay for a holiday for his kids. You are doing way too much already

Avocadohips · 21/02/2020 18:30

I like how a grown adult gives money towards bills totally ad-hoc.

If only the bills only came when you felt like having them!

squiglet111 · 21/02/2020 18:36

Ok missed a lot of messages by not scrolling fully!

Right, get one of his kids to message their mum asking to pick them up, or get them to pack their stuff and send them in an Uber or drive them.

Then pack him some stuff and leave on door step.

Deff get rid asap!

Avocadohips · 21/02/2020 18:40

"Hi I need to talk to your mum. Don't worry, you're nor in any trouble. Can you ring your mum and put her on to me please?"

"Hi - sorry about this but I've split up with and things are likely to get unpleasant around here. Can they come straight home to you before he gets home? Thanks so much."

katy1213 · 21/02/2020 18:41

Well, he landed on his feet when he met you, didn't he?
I hope 'feeling hormonal' doesn't mean that you've let yourself get pregnant by this useless twat?
Time to show him the door.

FinallyHere · 21/02/2020 18:51

Actually those texts should fire you up to get rid. Much more difficult if he tried harder to keep his cushy life.

Stay strong and think of your own lovely DC

katy1213 · 21/02/2020 18:56

I've just seen the bit when you're worried about offending him!

ElephantsAlltheWayDown · 21/02/2020 18:57

I have never been so angry on an OP's behalf before! 😡 Please get rid of this horrible man!

Chattymama123 · 21/02/2020 19:01

How is it going OP, hope everything is ok? Has he been back yet?

OhCaptain · 21/02/2020 19:06

@keeptakingthepills are you ok? Bit worried now!

keeptakingthepills · 21/02/2020 19:14

Sorry been a weird few hours. He’s just saying I’m being silly and overreacting. I’ve said I’m going out. He can sleep in the spare room with his kids as his ex is out tonight. Tomorrow morning off they all go. Sorry about the kids but they have a home. What happens to him isn’t my problem. He’s resistant but I think it’ll sink in
I’m going to my friends for dinner and some wine and hugs now

OP posts:
keeptakingthepills · 21/02/2020 19:16

Def not pregnant! More menopausal. Which sucks

OP posts:
mbosnz · 21/02/2020 19:18

Fair enough. Hopefully those friends will be as outraged as we all are on your behalf and offering to be your wingmen/women to ensure he slings his hook tomorrow.

Not his call whether you're being silly and overreacting. It's your house, and you get to tell him he's no longer welcome in it, and he needs to find alternative accommodation. Entitled, arrogant, gaslighting prick.