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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband wants divorce

108 replies

MrsChuckBass · 16/02/2020 13:25

My husband of 6 months has texted me today saying he wants a divorce.
No arguments in the lead and this morning we were actually talking about booking a holiday with the DDs (3&5)
I can't believe this is happening and I'm now at work so I can't confront him until I get home tonight

OP posts:
Babooshkar · 16/02/2020 20:01

He sounds like a total cunt. So sorry OP

Lifeisabeach09 · 16/02/2020 20:19

Agree with PPs-he is utterly spineless.

I know you have a lot to get your head around but I'd strongly consider giving him what he wants rather than trying to make things work. Father of your children or not, do you really want to stay with someone who treats you like this? He needs to be honest and upfront with you, not send you a text like that.

RandomMess · 16/02/2020 20:22

Sounds like he wants to play the SAHD card, keep the house, get maintenance and not actually have to work much...

NotStayingIn · 16/02/2020 20:25

What the... He wants a divorce because you haven’t had as much sex recently?

I think you need to get yourself excellent legal advice straight away. Even if he changes his mind about separating, see a solicitor ASAP and work out where you stand. It’s all so bizarre, I’m sorry for what you are going through.

Original poster
MrsChuckBass · 16/02/2020 20:26

Hi all
Yes I'm planning to go ahead with the divorce, I won't be treated like this.
In regards to the house it's a joint tenancy so I won't be leaving, he can do what the hell he likes.
I'm so angry for my poor DDs

OP posts:
Gizmo79 · 16/02/2020 20:27

What a twat. Sorry OP. Live your life without him and get a good lawyer/solicitor to sort custody.

EuroMillionsWinner · 16/02/2020 20:29

I would be divorcing him pronto, unfortunately since he is a sahd I think you will be paying him maintenance.

That's not at all a given, particularly if he hasn't been doing it very long. Proper legal advice is definitely the way forward, but save every message, email, text or what have you. And do not move out, no matter how hard it is, do not move out.

namechange1041 · 16/02/2020 20:30

So sorry OP, he sounds like a turd.

You'd be doing the right thing to leave him IMO.
Like other PP have said, he's trying to blackmail you into having sex with him. It's disgusting and not acceptable.
You deserve better than that OP that's not a nice way to liveFlowers

Original poster
MrsChuckBass · 16/02/2020 20:31

'D'H was a kitchen porter on min wage before he gave up work, it's not a case if him giving up a career to support mine
He gave up work as the nursery cost more than he was earning
This was about 12 months ago

OP posts:
IndieTara · 16/02/2020 20:32

God he's pathetic

EuroMillionsWinner · 16/02/2020 20:36

His threat sounds like a ploy to manipulate and coerce you into sex you may not want. That's vile. Get legal advice.

letmebefrank · 16/02/2020 20:41

He's pathetic. Tell him to feel free to go immediately so he'll be able to find someone who wants sex with such a pathetic arsehole

Hepsibar · 16/02/2020 20:53

OK get your practical hat on. Look at bank accounts savings and get the crucial documentation to hand so he cant sneak stuff away. Gather copies of all key paperwork. Go visit a solicitor and find out your rights and what you are entitled to.

Elieza · 16/02/2020 21:11

WTF is he all about? You haven’t had much sex, so what. You didn’t feel like it. You were unwell. So what. That’s reason enough to divorce?

Has he flipped his lid? Has being a sahd mangled his brain? Is he living in an alternate universe?

Or is he hoping that you will ‘keep in the standard to which he has become accustomed’ so he doesn’t have to work again or something?

I don’t get it. It’s weird. WTF is going on.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/02/2020 21:20

What an absolute shit. I'm thinking there's another woman involved. If there is, she is welcome to keep the loser.

Original poster
MrsChuckBass · 16/02/2020 21:21

On my way home from work now
I can't even face him. DDs will be asleep, I'm tempted to get straight in the bath with a glass of wine I haven't got the energy for it

OP posts:
vixb1 · 17/02/2020 07:17

How did it go OP? Did you have a conversation with him?

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 17/02/2020 09:44

Thinking of you OP hope you're ok Thanks

Original poster
MrsChuckBass · 17/02/2020 09:58

Thanks for checking back in!
H- he is no longer 'D' apparently regrets sending the text and didn't mean it.
I am going ahead with separating, I will not be kept on pins wondering if he will mean it or not. My poor children.
We have my niece coming to stay for half term so I've warned him if he can't be a part of the family for a final week he needs to be gone by the time I get back this evening

OP posts:
JustForTheTasteOfIt · 17/02/2020 10:02

Bloody hell what a headfuck, I'm sorry OP. It's almost worse than first sending it to send it and then take it back expecting to go back to normal isn't it? You poor thing. If you need a vent or any advice on your next steps the MN army is here for you. I'm always impressed how much support there is from women who have been through similar, it's lovely Thanks

ProfessorPootle · 17/02/2020 10:10

I’m guessing this was an attempt at getting you to give him more sex as you’d be so desperate to keep him from leaving. What an absolute tosser. Well done you on proceeding with the separation, you’re doing the right thing Flowers

Original poster
MrsChuckBass · 17/02/2020 10:22

Yes his mouth literally dropped open when I said to go ahead with the divorce as I won't be manipulated or bullied
I can't believe we've created a family and a life together and this is how it's ending

OP posts:
gamerchick · 17/02/2020 10:24

Well that backfired on him didn't it? I'm sorry OP. All these poor men who feel hard done to because they're not getting the sex they want. Boggles my head Hmm

puds11 · 17/02/2020 10:27

@MrsChuckBass can I just saw I am in awe of your strength! Well done Flowers You are making the right choice for you and your daughters. Stay strong and badass!

allthedamnvampires · 17/02/2020 10:45

Well done OP!

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