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Relationships

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Seriously, is this a thing??

277 replies

Querying · 15/02/2020 22:36

Hi. I've been dating someone for a few weeks. Seems okay, but clearly still in the early stages of getting to know. He seems alright. We share a lot of the same values.

A couple of weeks ago, he invited me over to his apartment (not for sex). I was quite excited and looking forward to seeing where he lived, etc.

As soon as he let me in, my heart sank. His place was an absolute tip; curtains not properly open, pictures not hung up on the wall (left at side of chair), rug in the hallway was all skuwif (sp). I was quite surprised, and disappointed.

There was no milk in fridge so couldn't even make me a cuppa (he doesn't drink hot drinks, but knows I do).

Now this is where I think I'm judging. He's got quite a 'high-flying' job and I guess I expected his apartment to reflect that.

I've spoken to two friends. One has said that it's unacceptable and the other has said that perhaps he doesn't place tidiness as a top priority. I must say, his place didn't smell great, either.

But, here's the thing; surely if you know someone is coming over, you make the effort? Is there any genuine reason why this would not be the case (apart from the fact that he maybe doesn't care too much about me? Grin)

Ps, I've seen him a couple of times, since...not at his place.

OP posts:
wobblywinelover · 19/02/2020 20:57

I haven't read the whole thread OP but I don't think you're being overly critical. IMO a sloppy home for a man just means he has sloppy standards overall. A bit of untidiness is okay and understandable but skanky smells and obvious laziness like never washing up are just gross. A man I dated a few years ago left a pile of books on his bedroom floor where there was a shelf he could have put them on nearby, he never bothered washing up or cleaning work surfaces in the kitchen, and his toilet constantly smelled of urine because he couldn't be arsed to clean it. Gross, just gross. He was lazy in the relationship too, and selfish. I now count it as a red flag

Querying · 20/02/2020 19:59

Hey.

On my way over, so will update in the morning (or later, if I don't stay Grin)

OP posts:
dwum · 20/02/2020 20:19

Do you remember the tv series men behaving badly?

DH is like that.

He is better than he was, as in environmental health won't close us down. He says he won't lie on his death bed thinning 'I wish I had cleaned more.'

A cleaner has saved our marriage! We are a lot happier paying for this, and if you can; I would recommend it.

He is a great DH, a kind soul, loving and attentive father and we are still very, very happy (married 20 years and 4 DC).

Catchuptv · 20/02/2020 20:27

If you like everything else about him and his personal appearance is clean and he doesn't fart a lot stick with him. If you move in together and he has a high flying job he could pay for a cleaner.

Aria20 · 20/02/2020 20:28

@dwum men behaving badly - I remember that Grin

Querying · 21/02/2020 00:17

Not sure if anyone's up.

So I went around earlier to see him. I had a wonderful night. This guy seems genuinely kind and caring. We spoke a lot about our families/past relationships, etc. I learned that his previous gf upped and left him a year ago. When I asked why, he said he did not know as she just left 🤔

Also, there seems to be an issue at work, which he said he would tell me another time and 'now is not the time'. He looked really sad, and slightly embarrassed, so I'll await his update.

He asked me if I wanted a drink and, hey presto, there was milk!Grin

His abode was no different from the first time I went but he did mention the pictures and asked me where I would hang them, were I him.

Curtains were (evenly) closed!Grin

The rug was still rugged, but hey!Grin

One thing I did note about him, and clocked on the first date, was his sparkling eyes, I could have got lost in them. He is gorgeous!

I used the bathroom, all okay there.

I didn't need to venture into the kitchen.

Or the bedroom!

I'm aware it's early days but he seems lovely, thus far Smile

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 21/02/2020 01:33

I'm glad he's put your mind at ease @Querying! He sounds lovely Smile

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/02/2020 01:40

You know, if the bathroom was clean then that's a great relief.
Maybe you should have checked out the kitchen while you were there, but it sounds like you have time!

Would be interesting to know why his GF upped and left him though - if it had anything to do with his standards of tidiness/cleanliness etc.

Glad things went well Thanks

Querying · 21/02/2020 02:12

GiveHerHellFromUs, yes. He most definitely did. He may be a messy bugger but he has an amazing personality (it seems). Really attentive and caring! Smile

OP posts:
Querying · 21/02/2020 02:13

ThumbWitchesAbroad, thank you.

Yes, I guess it would be interesting to know. He told me that he didn't know himself, so I guess, for now, I'll have to take his word for it.

OP posts:
springydaff · 21/02/2020 02:44

Hang on, you said he told you he's dyspraxic. Surely that's a good reason for why he is unaware of his surroundings (kind of??)

HavenDilemma · 21/02/2020 03:08

@StrawberryJam200 Shock You're suggesting Autism because of a few pictures not yet hung up and a rug a bit out of place???? Are you quite alright?????? Hmm

HavenDilemma · 21/02/2020 03:09

@AutumnRose1 GrinGrinGrin A few pictures not yet hung up does not constitute being a slob!!! Hahaha that's really made me laugh

Querying · 21/02/2020 06:50

Hang on, you said he told you he's dyspraxic. Surely that's a good reason for why he is unaware of his surroundings (kind of??)

Hi, springydaff, he is not dyspraxic, he's dyslexic.

OP posts:
springydaff · 21/02/2020 10:21

Oops sorry!

Querying · 21/02/2020 11:58

springydaff

It's fine Smile

OP posts:
PaterPower · 21/02/2020 12:42

I thought dyspraxia was just about confusing numbers?

Does it make you unable to straighten household objects as well?! Enquiring minds would love to know 🤪

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/02/2020 12:44

Dyscalculia is the number confusion - dyspraxia is muscle coordination and "clumsiness"

Querying · 21/02/2020 13:26

Dyscalculia is the number confusion

I didn't know that Smile

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 21/02/2020 13:39

If he has a high flying job he no doubt has people doing everything for him. Possibly a minion to collect dry cleaning etc but no staff to tidy his place. Of course that will be your job won't very soon. Wife work! Bet you can't wait, can you??

Querying · 21/02/2020 13:46

If he has a high flying job he no doubt has people doing everything for him. Possibly a minion to collect dry cleaning etc but no staff to tidy his place. Of course that will be your job won't very soon. Wife work! Bet you can't wait, can you??

Despite his messiness, I met him again last night and he seems a lovely person, but only time will tell....But clearly, I don't want to be the one picking up his undies because he cannot be bothered!

Smile
OP posts:
yellowallpaper · 21/02/2020 18:58

My brother has attention deficit disorder and his house is always a tip. He can do well at work though, and concentrates well there. Maybe mild ADD?

BoredOfTheBoard · 21/02/2020 19:01

I would dump as I could not see any future with a man like that. And if there was a future, I'd probably be the unpaid cleaner if I didnt want to live like that

springydaff · 21/02/2020 19:04

So people on the dating /relationship scene need to be perfect then?

That's me done for.

BoredOfTheBoard · 21/02/2020 19:14

Op described his place as "an absolute tip". Its a long way from that to perfect and somewhere in the middle would be fine with me.

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