Filly:
"Well one of them doesn’t like dh (and didn’t even before this crap)" - funny how friends see things.
Like wonderful @SandyY2K says, don't worry about divorce just now.
But do focus on you staying in the marital home, him keeping his selfish arse in the flat,
STOP communicating with him, and live life as though you are alone.
Seriously, develop your own life and your own friends, hobbies, sports, and financial portfolio.
Its time for you now. Because you have just had your world completely smashed. You are traumatised. There is nothing more shattering than intimate betrayal.
And his blaming and self justifications you can do without. They are abusive. In therapy, ask the therapist at what stage is she going to bring up the elephant in the room, which is his monumental selfishness? Then do not engage and let him whine on.
But if he triggers you, don't go. Get therapy for yourself.
Don't stalk that irrelevant equally selfish woman on SM. That just keeps you stuck.
Its your time now. His behaviour DOES NOT determine your worth. He can live on his own.
Been here and done it. They also used our home, our bed. So devastating. I am not sure divorce is the solution people say it is, but DO go for living alone and focusing on developing your relationship with yourself. This is very important!
I don't like having a lower standard of living but I do like that loss of anxiety and depression that living with a selfish self absorbed person gave me.
Its about radical acceptance. DON'T look to him for comfort, validation or logical explanations.
DONT look to him for connection or companionship.
DONT be afraid of being alone. Living alone (with therapy support) is a time of great growth and change.
DO look to yourself and your friends, sports and hobbies, for these fulfilment. He can't provide it, would just kick you in the teeth again and again.
DO work on the automatic dynamic you have clearly had that what he wants comes first at all times.