Husband grieving for OW

[Filly2011]

Anyone had experience of this?
Husband had 14 month affair with woman at work. Told me about it when she finally dumped him in favour of her husband. DH says he wants to keep marriage and willing to work at it. After months of counselling he now admits he is very upset as still loves her and knows he’s lost her. I feel very cut up by this. Can’t stop thinking about it.

Overcoming the driving fear is a good distraction. It feels positive at least.
Horrible isn’t it - even if you try really hard to be positive etc. the sadness and depression and anger come in waves. The person I have been with for 40 years is mooning about in love with someone else’s wife. Sometimes I still can’t believe it. I told my eldest son (who knows OW) and he said ‘fuck mum what’s wrong with dad? That’s not an impressive person’ he was very kind to me.

Well exactly, what is wrong with him?. Muppet.

It’s a good job you didn’t tell him, I bet ow is a superb Parker of cars 🤣

Yes apparently OW used to drive dh to business meetings and also drive to my house to spend the evening having dinner and shagging dh in my very own bed.

Well done OP! I have just read all your posts on this thread and cant believe what you have achieved in such a short time. You are so strong. Best wishes for the future.

“Message him” “start grey rocking him”

I, fairly understandably, read that to mean - now.

I don’t feel very strong. I feel awful most of the time!

Filly... it is part of the process. It is difficult to start thinking of yourself as an individual when your brain is used to think as a part of a team.

It is also a shock to the system have all your routines disturbed. It will take a few months but at some point you will surprise your self by starting sentences with “I” rather than “we”, and that’s where the fun and freedom begin 🙂

Oh god OW husband put little video of him and her on Web - socialising

When is the video from? Is it only the two of them? If an old video with plenty of other people just ignore and most importantly... stop checking.

OK video, he is angry and going to get meaner. Please get some legal advice asap. You do not have to do anything about it but get all the financial side of things noted. Are your accounts joint or separate?

never mind I’ve got a whole box of mini magnums now.

Living the dream, Filly!

Get some trashy Netflix to bing-watch, cuddle into the dog and your Sunday is perfect.

Video is them at some party thing. She’s chatting up an old guy (!).
Doesn’t look unhappy or as if she wants to leave her dh.
Yes I should stop checking but It’s hard (we have mutual friends).

Video is new. I am horrible super sleuth where OW concerned!

Maybe it's time to find some new interests and some new friends at the same time.

What are you interested in OP?

Bad for your mental health. What is good that you have looked at houses elsewhere. How far away are your children, can you arrange to visit them, that would be something to look forward to.

I would be tempted to e-mail/text shagging spouse.

"Have you seen her video? She looks so happy with her DH."

And then block.

I dunno. I guess I’m just interested to see she looks after shes helped destroy my whole world. Stupid I know.

One child in Oz. One child in France. One in US. One up north.

The more you say, the more convinced I am you are flogging a dead horse.

Start planning your life without him, once you get into it, you will feel more in control.

lol, SchadenfreudePersonified I'd be so tempted to do that, too. I hate to sound so vindictive, but nothing helps one's own healing like rubbing a bit of salt in the other person's wounds. Especially in this situation.

I did send it to dh. He told me I was mad and vindictive and it had upset him v much.

My Great Aunt divorced her husband when they were in their 70s 😂 no infidelity, she was just fed up of him! And she has had a great life since! Could you move closer to your friends and family? Because I think you might regret it if you stay with him. You are both unhappy. Its never too late to start again.

I did send it to dh. He told me I was mad and vindictive and it had upset him v much

Good. He deserves to be upset.

I wouldn’t have send it. You get the satisfaction of hurting him but It makes you look as a stalker and a cruel one at that. If you are wishing him to go away and leave you alone, this is definitely a step in the right direction (but don’t antagonise him too much as it would make it more complex to split the assets).

You have every right to be mad and vindictive and to cause him pain. He's not the aggrieved and wronged person in your marriage, you are!