Is this normal early in a relationship?!

[User45028384]

Me and DP recently made things ‘official.’

We’ve known each other only 4 months and a month ago we said we were formally in a relationship.

It’s all great. Except...some days I don’t hear from him?! In case anyone jumps to this conclusion, he is NOT married or anything like that.

The most it has been is two days in a row of no contact. I realise I could contact him (and often do) but I’ve wanted to see what happens on a day where I don’t...and sometimes that can lead to two days of nothing. Generally other than this we each instigate messages on other days on an equal basis. Ie it isn’t all me texting first.

I’m not sure why it bothers me so much, I think because I’ve never experienced it before. Usually in a relationship you are in contact everyday in my experience, even if to ask how the day was or a short goodnight text. I don’t know what to make of it?

I know I could ask and I probably will but I am hesitant about doing that before hearing what you lovely mumsnetters have to say! Is this usual? Is it because it’s still early on? I also feel if I ask then it makes texting seem a bigger thing and like an obligation and I don’t want him to feel like that. So maybe another option would be for me to text a goodnight on the days he’s silent.

We are late thirties for context!

It's early on , he's a man ( sexist I know ) and he has a life - he doesn't feel this need to text everyday . My now H was like that as he was factual about texts . Now he is better - sometimes needs a bit of discussion as to how his lack of texting makes you feel eg I thought my H was going to end it because he was relying just "OK" to texts - he was dumbfounded

Has he always been like this with texting?

You have been dating four four months and you sometimes don’t hear from him ? I don’t understand why this is an issue, surely it is normal to meet for dates but to go days without chatting ?

Why do you expect daily contact! Why would anyone on MN suggest he is married based on your OP. Your new into a relationship and I would be very careful you don't become suffocating. It also sounds like your playing games, testing to see if he gets in touch by not getting in touch yourself. I couldn't bare it if someone expected me to text daily and if I didn't knowing they would be sat at home wringing there fingers with anxiety. It's a bit full on...

Maybe this is because I was dating DH in the days before everyone had a mobile, but expecting texts or calls every day from someone you are only just getting to know seems excessive to me.

My son tells me this is how many young women are today . Maybe it is the dating culture now because it is so easy to talk to and meet others ?

Well for starters he isn’t your DP. You’ve been officially seeing him for a month!! That’s a very new boyfriend. Perhaps your rush to make it seem much more serious and committed than it is (by referring to him as a DP) has made you expect more from him than is realistic. Some people really aren’t big texters/chatters. I’m not and I really struggle with what to me is an unnatural level of contact in the early days of a new relationship. I hate feeling like I have to be in touch when I’ve really nothing to say. I don’t text anyone in my life on a daily basis.

I just wanted to know if it was usual, from those who have started relationships in the mobile phone era!! No need to be catty!

I find it unusual personally as all other relationships I have had have been in contact everyday by this stage. I definitely wouldn’t expect or want a phone call everyday.

Like a poster said above, it makes me wonder if he’s going off me or not interested! It’s nothing to do with being needy or full on, it’s simply something I haven’t experienced before so I’m wondering if it is usual.

agree with you op. if official, its normal to expect contact everyday. i am sure he is on social media everyday.
he is either hiding something or going off a bit.

He’s definitely online everyday and constantly on his phone. He was never a big texter at the start but I suppose I thought as time progressed he would at least text each day. It’s not that I desperately need a message from him, it’s more what the lack of a message means given it’s so easy to do it.

i am sure he is on social media everyday.
he is either hiding something or going off a bit.

Ignore this rubbish OP. It will just feed your insecurity. Like I said- I don’t text anyone in my life on a daily basis- certainly not anyone I’ve only known 4 months. I’m hiding nothing at all

Maybe he’s not hiding something but it could well mean I’m not someone he’s hugely interested or excited to speak to.

He was never a big texter at the start but I suppose I thought as time progressed he would at least text each day.

Well there you go then! He isn’t a texter! What you’re expecting from him is an unnatural level of contact for him. Why force it?

It seems you’re determined to read more into this than there is. You should end it with him and find yourself a daily texter. No one needs this level of scrutiny from someone they’ve been dating a month.

Normally people are in contact everyday but from day one if he hasn't always done it I wouldn't worry to much about it. Speak to him about it.

agree with you op. if official, its normal to expect contact everyday. i am sure he is on social media everyday.
he is either hiding something or going off a bit

What a load of nonsense . OP you have said that

I find it unusual personally as all other relationships I have had have been in contact everyday by this stage

Well they did and that hasn't got you far , has it so what does that tell you ?

Just to clarify we’ve been dating four months and made it ‘official’ a month ago. We’ve been exclusive since day one though!

it is not rubbish JuanSheetIsPlenty. it is one of the realities. and i dont think it can cause insecurity, it can help being ready for whatever the outcome will be.

Normally people are in contact everyday but from day one if he hasn't always done it I wouldn't worry to much about it. Speak to him about it.

I do think this slightly odd OP. My DP isn’t a great texter a lot of the time but without fail has always called me at least once or twice a day. Funnily enough in the early days we’d send each other massive long messages but actually I’d prefer a 30 minute phone call on his drive home.
How does the texting work? Is it a case of him not replying for a couple of days? Or does the conversation just end and no one restarts it? He may also be thinking it’s odd to not hear from you. I’d just ask him

not nonsense at all *TheStuffedPenguin.

OP - some people like daily contact (I am one of these people!) BUT many (most?) people would see that as abnormal, excessive, needy and verging on obsessive and controlling.
So it is perfectly normal to go a day or few days without texting.
Whether it means he's not that into you, you'll need to figure out in other ways. Maybe the fact that he's not a daily texter and you seem to want that, might be a problem, in that your expectations do not match.

why if he is on social media all the time and have no time to send a single text to your girl friend? it is weird.

I don’t think he’s ever not replied the same day when I’ve text. I did wonder if he didn’t want to come across too full on as I have said many times that I want this to go very slowly. But I didn’t mean days of no contact!haha.

What does "official" mean?