Is this normal early in a relationship?!

[User45028384]

Me and DP recently made things ‘official.’

We’ve known each other only 4 months and a month ago we said we were formally in a relationship.

It’s all great. Except...some days I don’t hear from him?! In case anyone jumps to this conclusion, he is NOT married or anything like that.

The most it has been is two days in a row of no contact. I realise I could contact him (and often do) but I’ve wanted to see what happens on a day where I don’t...and sometimes that can lead to two days of nothing. Generally other than this we each instigate messages on other days on an equal basis. Ie it isn’t all me texting first.

I’m not sure why it bothers me so much, I think because I’ve never experienced it before. Usually in a relationship you are in contact everyday in my experience, even if to ask how the day was or a short goodnight text. I don’t know what to make of it?

I know I could ask and I probably will but I am hesitant about doing that before hearing what you lovely mumsnetters have to say! Is this usual? Is it because it’s still early on? I also feel if I ask then it makes texting seem a bigger thing and like an obligation and I don’t want him to feel like that. So maybe another option would be for me to text a goodnight on the days he’s silent.

We are late thirties for context!

user stop playing the game in your head about making him initiate contact. That’s why your stressing out because your setting an invisible task for him he doesn’t even know about and he’s failing because he was never told the rules!

Just text him in the morning if you want to hear from him 😂

Tbh OP he may just be responding to your vibe of not wanting to be overwhelmed with contact, or feel clinged to, and respecting that. As the thread shows every relationship is different :)

But for OP, that isn’t normal

That doesn’t make it odd like you claimed @ShirleyPhallus

Stop pulling apart my words @juansheetisplenty. I’ve said that it’s odd to me and the OP feels the same way. Literally every person on this thread is giving their view. As am I.

I’m not pulling your words apart by responding to your posts Fgs. Is no-one capable of engaging in a conversation with different opinions anymore without becoming emotional and accusing people of twisting or pulling their words apart? This place is full of babies these days.

You didn’t say it was odd to you. You said it was odd. Here is your post.

Not texting your husband of 20 years for a day is pretty normal to you but a few months in, when everything is exciting and you’re meant to be really in to each other, then not speaking each day is a bit odd.

It obviously varies so if you are not happy with the level of communication, talk to him about it. You've been together long enough to have a frank conversations about what you would be comfortable with. Personally I need daily contact. I've been with my boyfriend 10 months and not a day has gone by since we met that we haven't been in touch. We message less than in the early days as we don't need to do fact finding anymore and also we spend more time together these days but as a minimum we exchange a few messages on our way to work and again on our way home plus a good night message before bed. I'm sure this level of messaging would drive some people bonkers but it works for us!

I don't think we've gone more than 24hrs without some kind of contact. I wouldn't like it OP

Yeah I can see where you're coming from. If expect a quick "hello" or a kiss or something unless they were so flat out busy 24 hours a day they dont have time for that. In which case I wouldn't be with them. Probably means nothing....but I do understand why you asked