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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mother in law wants to look after my child

127 replies

kaxxz · 03/02/2020 19:04

I'm 31 and four months pregnant with my first child.

My mother in law wants to look after my child when it's born for the first few months as she feels my husband and I "won't know how to look after a newborn".

She also wants to keep the baby in her room during the night too and is adamant I won't have any breast milk so I won't need to be awake during the night.

I feel she is a control freak and is always undermining me and my husband. She always looks through my personal belongings in my bedroom and walks into my room univited. I've spoken to my husband who doesn't think she is doing anything wrong.

We live with her as our place is being renovated and I feel really wound up by her. I told her I will be able to look after my own child but she isn't listening.

Any advice on what to do?. :(

OP posts:
MyuMe · 03/02/2020 19:06

Run.

Pay for private rent if you have to.

HerRoyalFattyness · 03/02/2020 19:07

Move out as soon as possible. Put locks on the doors.
Get your husband to tell her that she is absolutely out of order.
If he doesn't think she's doing anything wrong he's an idiot.

Jellycatfox · 03/02/2020 19:07

Move.

RainbowCookie · 03/02/2020 19:07

Move out, change locks, don’t give her the key (or the address ideally).

Seriously why are you living with this woman, no house renovation is worth giving away your child for.

Paythosebitchesnomind269 · 03/02/2020 19:08

Tell her where to go!!!

RandomMess · 03/02/2020 19:08

Move out ASAP.

turnandfacethenamechange · 03/02/2020 19:08

Jesus Christ OP is she mental?? Get out ASAP!

Floribundance · 03/02/2020 19:09

Move out. Get good locks including latches. Don’t answer the door.

autumnboys · 03/02/2020 19:10

Move out. As fast as you can. You cannot be living with her when the baby comes. She will deskill you and undermine you, until her nasty predictions come true.

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 03/02/2020 19:10

OP you do know how wrong this situation is don’t you?

She is essentially telling you she will deny you access to your own newborn baby and your DH is going along with this

She sounds potentially dangerous and at best she will destroy your mental health

Please leave her house ASAP

frogsbreath · 03/02/2020 19:10

Get out as soon as possible. Nothing is more important for your mental
And physical health.

MyuMe · 03/02/2020 19:10

At 31 I would have delayed the baby until the house is ready

You have time to wait

Floribundance · 03/02/2020 19:15

That’s really helpful Hmm

Letmegotosleep · 03/02/2020 19:15

Please prioritise your mental health right now, you’re only four months along and really don’t need the stress. My mum used to tell me exactly the same thing and I’d reply to her “if you want a baby go and make yourself oneHmm” it’s not for her to keep and make sure she knows that!!! Get your useless husband to tell her she’s wrong and no more barging into your bedroom. Set boundaries now before it’s too late. There was a woman here a few days ago who’s mother in law “bullied” her into having her child for the weekend, she came in to find her child bro gloomed after by a 12 year old because she mil nipped off the cinema and the poor baby was screaming. I absolutely cannot stand most mother in lawsAngryYOUVE HAD YOUR TURN WITH HAVING BABIES BACK THE FUCK OFF!!!

(I might be a little angry due to Past experiencesBlush)

Mintjulia · 03/02/2020 19:16

Move before the baby is born. Your husband needs to step up immediately. Make it clear to him you will not tolerate her interference.

In the meantime, go and buy yourself a door wedge and jam your room door when you are relaxing so she can't walk in.

Tell your midwife about the problem, so she can reinforce loudly, your breast feeding plans, whenever she visits you.

Put in your birth plan now, that your mother-in-law is not welcome in the maternity unit.

Put your mum/sister/best friend on standby in case you need to go and stay for a while.

Pinkette06 · 03/02/2020 19:16

Get out op. Of you stay she will take your baby. She is telling you this. It is not normal and the fact your DH is saying its fine means he will not support you. Can you go to your parents for a bit? Have you told her no way?

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 03/02/2020 19:16

@MyuMe best she get in her time machine then hey and wait a bit.

Best suggestion yet

Doyouavocado · 03/02/2020 19:18

WTAF

user1493413286 · 03/02/2020 19:19

Move out and rent if you have to

Drum2018 · 03/02/2020 19:20

If this is true then you need to move out before the baby arrives. Find a short term rental if possible, or go and stay with your own family even if they live on the other side of the World!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2020 19:20

I would leave both your husband and his controlling mother behind now, you simply cannot stay there any longer. What is it re your husband, is he really afraid of her?. What is going on with him?

She is not an emotionally healthy person to be at all around and you need to leave urgently

toomanyleggings · 03/02/2020 19:21

She sounds bonkers. Move out as soon as possible. Meantime just keep saying no. Rinse and repeat

Original poster
kaxxz · 03/02/2020 19:22

Thanks for all your advice.

I have made it perfectly clear that I won't keep the baby with her but she sounds like a broken record saying "oh I thought I'd help you out as it can be exhausting being a new mum".

I will tell my husband he will need to step up because this is giving me anxiety and if he can't support me then I don't want him.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2020 19:23

His mother cannot play mother to what is your child. Also she has done a crap job re raising her own son

Why is he so afraid of her, is he really that mired in his own fear, obligation and guilt re her

blackcat86 · 03/02/2020 19:26

What's your relationship like with your own family? Could you move in with them for a while? MIL is showing her hand and you need to take this very seriously. After baby you will be sore, recovering, exhausted, hormonal and very vulnerable. Unfortunately I found out the hard way having my own baby that this brought out the worst in those who sought to take advantage. Go for your and babies sake but also find yourself some champions who can help you fight your corner because your DH will likely crumble to his mothers will once baby is here and you will need support to reinforce your boundaries. She sounds batshit!