Sleazy H

[Missrabbit20]

I've been married for 3 years now and have a 2 yo DD. My H is an ogler/sleazebag. He's not been like this in the beginning, he was quite shy and very keen on our relationship, very thoughtful and desperate for us to start a family.

Ever since he got comfortable in our relationship he started ogling women, all the time. Wherever we go, particularly restaurants. Waitresses, women sitting alone in the restaurant, women walking down the street, you name it. It's like me and our DD are not there. I didn't pay much attention at first but it's got worse and now it's all the time, smiles at them, then turns his head (if we are in the street), constantly looking and following the waitreses with his eyes. It's beyond embarrassing and I hate going out with him.

A couple of weeks ago we had a huge argument, I pointed this out to him, I gave him multiple examples and he didn't deny it. He was probably just surprised that I noticed it. He said, it's not something sexual and it's not meant to be disrespectful, it's just a quirk of his. We discussed a few other issues and he promised he'd stop this behaviour.

For quite a few weeks I refused to go out with him, we do very few things as a family, I usually just organise things with my DD during the week and at weekends I send him out with her to the park.

Today, I agreed to go out with him, we ended up in a supermarket on the way home and in the queue a young woman was paying for her shopping. He was staring at her, smiling, then popped out of the queue and continued to do so. When she left he turned his head after her. Then in the afternoon we went for a walk to a nearby park, he was walking ahead of us and a woman passed by us. I could see he 'measured' her, looking up and down and after she passed turned his head. I just can't take this anymore.

I'm a sahm and I haven't worked for 3 years. My financials are not great and my health could be better. What do I do?!! I cannot leave him right now, if I didn't have DD I'd have been gone ages ago. We also planned our first holiday abroad since DD was born and I know he'll ruin it, just like he ruined every other holiday.

He's is alright otherwise, does most of the house work, helps with DD, we have a good lifestyle and there is no abuse, physical or verbal.

But this is killing me and I don't see myself staying with him for the rest of my life. What do I do?!

While doing that you could get something like a personal alarm or equally a puppy trainer that lets off a puff of air

I think this fucker needs a shock collar never mind a puff of air.

I really feel for you OP. This awful behaviour must have eroded your confidence, and when you're at your most vulnerable in terms of having a small child.

Definitely a deliberate tactic and truly awful.

Is he a good father to DD? Does he care at all about her? I ask this because I wonder what he would say if you put it to him like this: "how would you feel if our DD is married and her husband is disrespecting her, your own daughter, by ogling other women in front of her? What would you feel like doing to your son in law?"

Btw, what is your/his relationship with your father? Could he (verbally) sort your husband out for you on this and set him straight?

@HeadachesByTheDozen he is alright, he looks after her, reads her stories, takes her out and I know he loves her in his own way. Sometimes he has night terrors, wakes up and asks me where she is. But I bear pretty much all the mental load when it comes to DD, when she is sick I am the one taking her to the doctor, waking up in the night to check her, he would just leave her until morning with high fever and dehydrated. I organise all the activities for her etc. But I'm used to that now and since I'm a stay at home mum, I don't mind. He thinks he is the best dad since sliced bread though.

When she was a new born he would bully me into bottle feeding, as all his relatives bottle fed by choice. I managed to do it for 6 months though, but I was on my own.

My dad passed a few years ago, they never met.

God OP, I'm sorry, that must be awful :(

I think I'd rather be poor than put up with that creep.

Wtf? Bullied you into bottle feeding? Why? Are your breasts viewed as exclusively "his" or some such crap?

You need to get rid of him before your DD reaches the teen years or she'll never be able to bring her female friends into her home at all.

@thenightsky that is a long time away. I can't see myself with him by the time she is a teen. Even if we don't split right now because I expect he'd be on his knees begging me to give him another chance, I'm certain I'll not be with him for another 12 years.