Some Friendly Words - Support Group

[ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies]

Hello, I thought I'd get us started in our new place.

Kind of imagining it full of comfy chairs and sofas, with hot cups of tea an hand along with a well-stocked bar.

Welcome all xx

Arghh! Why can’t I get him off my mind. I have nearly been insane today thinking of texting to ask him back again, thankfully resisted up til now but lord give me strength. I swear I was never this needy in the relationship!!

@esmeralda. It's so hard isnt it. I'm in recovery mode . Thanks to superbmonkey and her words as they so true.
I too wanted to text him today . Wanted to send him the texts that he sent me last year. But it's a waste of my effort . Didnt want to give him the satisfaction and he would probably use it against me. Playing his head fuck games.

Hi all.

@Emmerdaledramaqueen, I hope you made it through the evening without texting but if you did text it’s not the end of the world! Don’t be so hard on yourself. 😀

@Bigpooh13, good for you, in your awesome warrior ways. I barely recognise you from the person you were at the start of this journey. You are Mighty and on your way to a better future. So impressed x

I had my hair coloured, my nails done, and a spontaneous Chinese takeaway with my hairdresser friend and his husband. On the way home the taxi driver tried to pick me up, and not just in his cab! This is unheard of and I blame my new hair. I am safely at home and laughing at how weird life is. I definitely don’t need a man to be happy and myself.

Sleep well everyone. We’ve made it through Valentine’s Day. Go us!! Xx

@Bigpooh13 @Superbmonkey @Tinydancer123
Thank you ladies for all your support through the hard and not so hard days. I managed to resist the temptation to text thanks to a pm from a friend and a lovely visit from a friend who brought me a lovely gift just because...,,
We have all made it through the day, sleep well x

With my now objective head on I can see that I am much better off on my own than with this weak, cowardly man

@SuperbMonkey Yes, that is exactly it, thank you.

My mum said just that to me today, and both you and she are just right.

I also had my hair done today, booked back in December for me - your hairdresser sounds exactly like mine. We WILL GROW from our roots up! And conquer.

Morning everyone.

Good luck wishes to @ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies with her discussions this weekend. Thinking of you and sending you strength and love.

@Emmerdaledramaqueen, well done on the not texting. That was a hard test and you passed with flying colours with support from your friends. Next time it will be easier.

@thegrassisgreenernow, I love that ‘we will grow from the roots up’. I hope your hair looks beautiful - I’m sure it does. When your hairdresser loves you and is your friend it makes all the difference to how your hair looks. Have a lovely day in your new hair!

I was going to do parkrun this morning. I looked out of the window, saw the rain, heard the howling wind, and thought ‘no way’. I’m going to have a relaxing morning instead. Then off to see Emma with friends at lunchtime.

I discovered yet another lie yesterday, and laughed about it. This man opens his mean little mouth, or types on a keyboard, and all that comes out are lies. It’s extraordinary! This was such a stupid lie, intended to impress me. Why would he bother. Cba to untangle the bool of wool that is his brain!

Stay safe in the storm, weather wise or emotional life xx

ball not bool 😀

Well ladies I have been out and done my first parkrun ( walked) but so proud of myself today! Hopefully can keep my mood up.
I do wish us all a good day x

@Emmerdaledramaqueen well done on the park run. That's amazing. And extra points for doing it in this weather.
I am spending a few days away with a very kind friend and we are walking and drinking wine and eating lovely food. My FB memories decided to remind me of how 8 years ago yesterday we got engaged. I felt fleetingly sad, but more angry at fb for having the cheek to remind me!
@SuperbMonkey I really think it's wonderful that you have such a strong and positive attitude. It must feel very empowering to be able to laugh at him and his lies.

@Emmerdaledramaqueen, welcome to the parkrun tribe. It is so inclusive and friendly, with little ones, teenagers, dogs, babies in buggies. Really, really well done. Walking is fine, because we all started somewhere. I am so proud of you. I will be there next week because I’ve just made a commitment to a friend to go with her for her second run. Hope your mood was positive with all those endorphins flooding your body.

@BunnyandBee, good to hear from you.it sounds as if you are having a lovely relaxing time, being cared for by your friend. How funny, being cross with FB!! Thank you for the kind words too. It is empowering. I am going to work hard to keep it going.

Emma was fantastic. Beautifully shot and acted, and the clothes ... Trigger warning: a lot of romance and weddings, but it is a wonderful film. I am asking myself why I didn’t find a man like Johnny Flynn to marry. He is very handsome.

Now relaxing after dinner with a friend.

Sleep well, everyone xx

@BunnyandBee@SuperbMonkey
Thank you god your compliments, I have felt so much better today and managed to eat a bit more. Have had thoughts about texting but not quite as compelled to send them so hopefully somethings changing for the better.
You both sound as if you have had lovely days too and I am so glad for you both deserve it. I am also looking on the positive that my recent meltdown has made me realise what good friends I actually do have as well as finding a new text friend in @Tinydancer123 who has given support via pm.
Positive thoughts for us all to sleep well ladies xx

To all. You wonderfully supportive ladies.
New hair do's excellent. I dyed mine the other week. I'm trying not to worry so much about money as I need to live. I need to eat. He can have half my debt. Especially when I hear hes building an extension on his new bungalow. Unbelievable.

Ive turned a corner especially when I think how he has treated me since he left. Disgusting.

I was laughing at his messenger today , i haven't looked for ages due to the memories coming up., and I saw that he had been messaged by one of her kids that hates her. He called him a muppet amongst other things. Not doing alot for his image. Some of his friends know I'm going to the food bank now so cant wait for that to get around either.
Sorry just at a friends house looking after her daughter n dog so they can have a weekend away. Not got me journal to write in so it's on here.

Morning everyone.

@Emmerdaledramaqueen and @Tinydancer123, another positive to come out of this situation! You’ve each found a new friend. That’s lovely.

@Bigpooh13, I hope you’re enjoying the house sitting. It sounds as if you need to get the finances sorted before he gets himself into debt/spends savings on his ‘extension’. Look after yourself.

This week is a mix of lovely and horrible things. I need to take my own advice to Big. That is going to be hard and I will need a lot of strength. I’m in the same position as @ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies on that, and I feel daunted. I keep reminding myself of his horrendous, entitled behaviour. It’s still difficult though. I’m longing for the storm (both the weather and the marriage) to be over. It’s like the weather is reflecting my life and there’s little escape or peace from pain.Oh well, got to keep on keeping on.

Have the best possible day. Lots of love

@superbmonkey. Sorry about the pain. I know what you mean.
Thanks for the financial advice but it's too late hes already spent his savings on new house. Hes lying to his solicitor about his financial situation. I've got evidence, so its gonna be a battle ahead.

Have a lovely day all.

@Bigpooh13, we will battle along together!

Hello ladies, hope you’re all having a good Sunday. I’ve been trying to keep busy as I have been massively down for quite a few days now and just feel so gloomy a lot of the time that I can’t think of anything constructive to write. The weather of course doesn’t help, it’s damp and dark and dull and I just want to curl up a lot of the time.
Been catching up with family and friends this weekend which is a relatively rare occurrence due to distance, so at least that’s been quite nice.
I do check in on you all every day even if I don’t write, and there has been a lot of positivity amongst all the pain which has been great to see. Love how everyone is so supportive of each other, with practical advice as well as with handholds or even just ‘being there’. 😊
@SuperbMonkey It’s like the weather is reflecting my life and there’s little escape or peace from pain This resonates so much... I absolutely hate this feeling of being stuck somehow in a situation I detest. Can’t go back and moving forward is so excruciatingly frightening. Baby steps, one day at a time, and sometimes even just hour by hour...
In denial and head-in-the-sand mode a lot of the time which isn’t constructive at all but it feels at least a little safe.
Big love to everyone! ❤️

@sotiredtonight. I get the denial in moving forward as it just seems it's going to be a battle now for financial stuff. Really hard to get your head around when heartbroken.
It really has helped me being around family n friends this week. Really helped me . Now back to reality in my solitude and in our house that just feels like a memorable home.
Trapped in our memories.
Also trapped by his lack of getting things fixed. Wish he had got the new kitchen in before he left.
I'm really concentrating on what an arsehole he is.

@SoTiredTonight, good to hear from you, but sorry that you are in a slump. I, too, am in my usual Sunday slump. Lots of exciting things are happening this week, but will also be moving forward with proceedings. I never thought we as a couple would be in this position. My mother, who I called for the first time in over 3 weeks today as she has always been very difficult with me, was her usual narcissistic self. This triggered me into remembering that I had effectively ‘married’ her and had wasted 26 years of my life in consequence, continuing to be treated as second best. Infuriating. But it is what it is. I want to curl up too, but then the intrusive thoughts come. So keeping busy is good and at least things get done. I love the fact that you check in - it’s also good to know that the internet friends care! Lovely to catch up with family and friends, and it sounds like you had a fun time. I’m definitely in freeze mode most of the time, with my head in the sand and my bottom in the air! Take care of yourself.

@Bigpooh13, I’m with you on the whole ‘failure to fix the house’ thing. I am dealing with so many issues that should have been sorted ages ago, while he swaggers around being ‘big and important’. That helps with the not loving you any more headspace.

Have a good week everyone. Hope those not on the thread are doing ok. xx

Hi all, I had a really nice weekend with my friend, despite the storm. But when I got home I just had this overwhelming sense of sadness. I had missed my dc a lot and I was excited about seeing them, but what dawned on me once I arrived was that I was also excited to see him and share my weekend's news.
What I was actually confronted with was 2 small children, who were happy to see me, but weren't interested in my hiking exploits and a h who barely asked about my weekend. I was weirdly expecting a hug and collective 'we missed you'. But nothing. I just felt so lonely. I stood in the kitchen and cried. He saw but said nothing.
The logical bit of my brain kicked in and started saying 'if he loved you he wouldn't have done this' which sounds harsh but I think it maybe helps to hear it. I deserve to be loved and be with someone who is excited to see me etc.
It all feels very weird. But perhaps it is the stormy weather bringing out these emotions.
I am sorry to read the majority are also having a miserable time too.
Does anybody have good plans for the week ahead that will be enjoyable for you? I find it's good to have something to look forward to?

Hi all , I hope the weekend was kind to you all ?

I hope you are all feeling stronger. I am quite lost and a few days of weakness where I thought we could save us ended with him giving false hope to snatch it away.

I am trying not to post too much as I know the world does not evolve round me and you lovely ladies have enough to contend with.

The loneliness and isolation is such a struggle and the future. I do not want tinder or dates I just want my family together.

Love to all

I've slumped this weekend too, felt utterly miserable most of the time, though was doing nice stuff with lovely friends. Tonight am realising that this may be because I'm coming out of the trauma fog and into the realisation of what will have to be my new life. And that's very hard and terrifying. But I guess it is something we do have to face, head on, to be able to rebuild our own lives.

H seems to be in a bit of a guilt-phase, possibly not really at an emotional level, but perhaps enforced by our kids, who seem to have both expressed their hurt and disappointment at his behaviour. Intermittently I now feel a bit sad for him, though not usually for long. And in terms of moving things along, I think this is possibly the time to do that.

These awful troughs are stuff we can all go through together, and come out of together too. We have to remind ourselves that we would never want to be with someone so duplicitous, and that now we know that's the case, we are definitely better off without them. However scary.

@BunnyandBee and @Tinydancer123, hello both of you. Sorry that you have had difficult days. It’s good to hear from you no matter what.

Loneliness and anxiety for the future seem to be big hurdles for all of us to get over. This week I have got some interesting tasks and events to look forward to. It is going to be taxing because I will be commuting every day. However it will be distracting which is good. It will help me to feel a bit normal again, instead of being on the outside of life looking in.

Sleep well 😴. We all need some rest xx

Hi All

I’m starting my new role today so dropping in quickly to wish everyone a good day. Take care, stay positive and strong.

xx

@superbmonkey. Have a really great day. Well done you.

All the best for your new venture @SuperbMonkey. You will be an asset to them! xxx