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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Some Friendly Words - Support Group

951 replies

ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies · 02/02/2020 19:34

Hello, I thought I'd get us started in our new place.

Kind of imagining it full of comfy chairs and sofas, with hot cups of tea an hand along with a well-stocked bar.

Welcome all xx

OP posts:
Sadsammy · 01/03/2020 09:45

@Superbmonkey
God it's actually quite depressing. I could tick off so many. Spidery senses definitely make you hone in on certain behaviour. I actually listed some of these when I already knew he was in contact with her and he just dismissed and lied. If they're that unhappy, why don't they just leave?! I think mine should have left years ago but way too convenient to stay, hence TRYING to persuade me things could stay as they were! It makes me feel really angry. Things that have helped though: Gavin and Stacey catch up of all series was a good distraction, other binge watching, anything to quieten my mind, Mumsnet, and the love of friends. I need to do more though. I feel almost ready.

Sadsammy · 01/03/2020 09:48

@Filly2020
A daily plan is such a great idea. As is redecorating your space. Reclaim it and enjoy it! Doing cathartic things is good.

SuperbMonkey · 01/03/2020 10:08

@Sadsammy, I agree that it is depressing how many women (accepting that this is mumsnet and some men go through the same experience) are in this leaking boat. But the behaviours by these men, in particular, are hilarious in many respects. Mine is a real cliche, and he thinks he is unique in his great love. Pity he didn’t recognise that she was the love of his life and soulmate first and second times round. I would have been with someone else and might have had children. Never mind. No regrets, bar being so naive and not booting him out of my life years ago.

Sadsammy · 01/03/2020 10:18

@Superbmonkey. The man's a twat. The past is a foreign country and all that. So peculiar when that sort of relationship shift happens. I knew two couples where the man if one had an affair with the other's wife. The two cuckolded ones ended up together too. So a swap!

SuperbMonkey · 01/03/2020 10:26

@Sadsammy, in his case it is another country!! I know a couple like that too. Man leaves long term partner and mother of 11 year old child for woman with a 3 year old who leaves her child too. Cuckolded husband and scorned wife are now a couple with both the kids. Oh well, nowadays affairs are the in thing to do apparently, because ‘monogamy is dead’. That will never be me. xx

Feckthisshit2020 · 01/03/2020 16:22

More revelations today. The scale of the deception, the betrayal, the dirty seediness of it all. I feel sick.

SoTiredTonight · 01/03/2020 18:01

Oh @Feckthis, I’m sorry, is there never a let up for you? Sad Is he home now?
I’m sorry I can’t come up with anything comforting just now, I’ve been triggered today and feeling shit too. Sending hugs though and here to listen and offer the usual hand hold, as I’m sure the others are too! And good evening to everyone btw! xx

caketimeisover · 01/03/2020 20:43

@Feckthisshit2020 sorry you've had a crappy day. I know what it's like - it feels like every time you think it can't get worse, like the only way is up, something new happens. I almost feel numb to it now, it's all just one more bite of the shit sandwich. But I'm so sorry you're in the thick of it. Here if I can help!

I felt quite anxious today, have this slight sense of dread I can't shake but I don't know why. And struggling with self esteem, it's hard not to when all this has happened. Just feel so crap and sad. Ah well. Onwards and upwards (even if the trajectory isn't quite as steep as I'd hope). xxx

Filly2011 · 01/03/2020 20:46

Yes today is a bad day. Despite resolutions feel terrible.

caketimeisover · 01/03/2020 21:07

@Filly2011 tearful hand hold Flowers

Feckthisshit2020 · 01/03/2020 21:45

@SoTiredTonight @caketimeisover @Filly2011 I’m sorry you’ve had bad days too. I tried the hypnotherapy last night and it did help.

Weirdly today has flipped me somehow and I found my anger. I’m bloody furious. And I told him. And now I’m eating chocolate and getting on with my life. He will have to live with being the person who’s done this for the rest of his life. I won’t. I can hold my head up high knowing I did everything I could for my children. And I am proud of that. I’m sure the sadness will return but for now I’m riding the anger wave and it feels a lot better than despair!

SoTiredTonight · 01/03/2020 21:53

@Caketime One more bite of the shit sandwich - Thanks for the giggle! Grin
I know it doesn’t help but it might make you feel less alone if I tell you that I’ve been the exact same with the anxiety and feeling of dread. I know there’s been a couple of triggers but even before those I didn’t feel great. Just restless and on edge. Hoping in a way that it’s hormone related and they’ll get something done about it when I see GP this week! So fed up with it all, if they can help stabilise my emotions even a little, it would make such a difference!

@Filly2011 Sorry you’re also having a crap day. 😔 Did your plans not materialise? It’s so disheartening when that happens, for whatever reason.

@SuperbMonkey Your comment about maybe having had children made me sad. I know you also said ‘no regrets’ but it did make me wonder. I’m in a similar position I suppose and it does cross my mind at times.

Where and how is everyone else today? I hope the absence means that you’ve had a good enough day and nothing bad/sad to report!! Smile

Much love to all! xxx

Feckthisshit2020 · 01/03/2020 21:57

@caketimeisover totally there on the self esteem front. I think it’s another time thing. The extra details I’ve found out today really haven’t helped- but have reinforced what an aesehole he is. Remember all you are doing for your kids. You are there modelling sanity. They will grow up knowing you showed up for them. That helps me when I’m comparing my body to hers.

@SoTiredTonight hand hold back. I’m sorry you’ve been triggered. It’s like waves isn’t it. Hold on, it will pass.

@Filly2011 I’m sorry you feel terrible. They are fucking arseholes. Weak men who don’t deserve us. Remember how far you’ve come. You have been an inspiration and amazing support to me. Bad days happen, let it wash over you. As the song goes ‘you can’t go over it, to can’t go under it- gotta go through it’.

My kids are also singing the we can get through this together song from frozen 2- it’s becoming our anthem, and should be here too. We are all helping each other through this.

SoTiredTonight · 01/03/2020 21:58

Crossposted @Feckthisshit2020 and fantastic to hear you’ve found your anger! Use it and don’t lose it - I know from experience how much better it feels than the sadness and grief.
You sound strong and determined and you deserve a ton of chocolate. And maybe Wine although maybe not because it can turn you the other way again. Best to steer clear. Also from experience... Hmm
Glad the hypno worked for you. I was tempted last night but chickened out. It scares me a little, maybe that’s stupid?
Keep riding that wave! 🌊 🏄🏻‍♀️

SoTiredTonight · 01/03/2020 22:02

@SuperbMonkey Your post on the other thread is hilarious! 😂

SuperbMonkey · 01/03/2020 22:04

Hi all.

Challenging day but it’s over. Feel proud of how strong I was. Expecting revenge attack as the fragile ego has been macerated, and there will be consequences, but it was worth it 😀. Now exhausted. I expect I’ll be a gibbering wreck when the backlash starts, or perhaps not. I’ve got so much to lose but I’ve lost so much already. I feel scared, like I’ve gone too far in standing up for myself. I think that’s because I’m not used to standing up for myself with him. All he cares about is the money and the affair. Reminding myself all the time, when someone shows you who they are believe them.

@Feckthisshit2020, oh you poor woman. You are under siege. I know what it’s like to get drip fed revelations. You relive the original trauma over and over and over again. Sending lots of strength your way, and kind thoughts 🤗

@SoTiredTonight, I’m so sorry that you’ve had a hard day too. There must be something in the air. Triggering passes, but leaves a shadow behind. And you never know when it’s going to strike which makes it worse. You can avoid some triggers but not all. Look after yourself, please. ❤️

@caketimeisover you are seriously awesome. I was thinking of you at times today. It is a seemingly endless round of crap. Most of the discussions in my case are completely irrational. I get the blank, non-communicative in case he admits something look, the self-pitying look, the aggression when discussing money, the denials. I’m saying just be honest but on and on it goes. Never mind, hopefully over by the summer. The anxiety sweeps through and the feelings of dread too. But perhaps they are less strong and pass more quickly as well as being less frequent. I don’t know. Struggles with self esteem are inevitable, I suppose, and the sadness of being at war with someone we used to love with all our hearts. The fact that he keeps lying to me is unbearable. 🤗

@Filly2011, I feel for you. I really do. I wish I could make it better for all of us. None of this is necessary and all of it is traumatic. And they refuse to see what they have done. And they pile on the pain and cruelty. We have to rise above it and press on. There is no other choice. 💓

Try to sleep well everyone. 😴 x

Bigpooh13 · 01/03/2020 23:18

Just so sorry for you all . The challenges and just general trying to get through the day.

I too suffer with the self esteem no matter how much I get told I look great it's not what I see.

I cant understand the need to lie and why. The lying really hurts.

I dont know how he changed so much so quickly.

I got taken out today by my beautiful savoioir friend. She took me to our shopping center then me n hubby used to go to. Another hurdle done.

Had a abit of a melt down in a shop. She just let me get it out and then said right cup of tea time. I cant thank her enough.

Bigpooh13 · 01/03/2020 23:22

@superbmonkey.

I too wish that I hadnt wasted my life bringing up their kids. I too feel I could have had my own kids
Spend my life with someone who loved me as I loved them.. I thought I was doing. I feel the anquish .

thegrassisgreenernow · 01/03/2020 23:47

OK ladies come ON, we have to take our lives back.

They are not worth our emotional energy.

The thread @SuperbMonkey (love your post) directed us too shows they're all the bloody same, shameful cliches of partners, selfish beyond belief.

We KNOW we are better off without them.

Step by small step, whilst protecting and caring for ourselves/kids, as we have done for them and ma others mostly for decades, we all will reclaim our sense of self.

Sadly we mostly have to do this on our own, as what I realised recently is, that though I have tons of truly amazing friends, as I'm sure you all have, we are no-one else's priority any more.So we have to be our own priority.

Filly2011 · 02/03/2020 05:42

Thanks for all the support. I’ve been really stupid. He offered to come over and spend the day with me - no talking about the affair just trying to get on.
Ended up in massive row caused by me asking if he was still pining for “his lost love”. He’s now absolutely furious. Says I’m torturing him and I refuse to get over it.
I should have known contact was a bad bad idea. I just wanted to feel ok for a few hours. Now I’ve made it all 100 times worse.
He’s actually done this but I’m the bad guy.

Feckthisshit2020 · 02/03/2020 07:04

@filly2011 it is absolutely NOT YOUR FAULT for having feelings! This is another example of his self absorbed selfish wankbadgering and I am furious on your behalf.

I know exactly why you said that. It’s because you’re devastated and you want him to acknowledge your pain and what he has done and even though he cant make it better you want him to WANT to make it better. Because if you or I did something to hurt someone we loved, we would feel awful and do everything to make amends.

And even though it’s been a few months, it’s easy to forget the fundamentals fact- THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES. They don’t share our values. This is tough because for years and years we thought they did. We thought the love was real, the life it was built on was valid. But it wasn’t. Because as soon as it stops suiting they shit all over us.

I am trying to have two flashing signs in my head:

  1. DO NOT ENGAGE; and if I do for any reason
  2. HE IS A SELF OBSESSED WANKBADGER DO NOT TRUST HIM WITH FEELINGS

I know it’s hard. And heartbreaking all over again because he still isn’t sorry and you want him to be. You are not the bad guy. You are a real person with real feelings that don’t just disappear. I know it feels like a step backwards- but try and think of it as validation of your essential goodness and belief in others.

I hope today isn’t too bad for you.

Filly2011 · 02/03/2020 07:32

Thanks @feckthisshit2020.
I actually want him to say sorry I didn’t love her really - it was a mistake - please forgive me. But just gets angry he shouts “oh yes it was a massive mistake all right” but just because it’s caused all this bother. He always says “I did really love her and what we had was very significant and I’m very sad I’ve lost that but I never left you”
And this doesn’t make me feel better at all.
I’m angry - how could they carry on in my bedroom and skip about holding hands on country walks.
And I can’t suppress the anger when I see him. It always comes out and then he just gets angry in return,
Sorry for banging on about me. You all have worse stories.
Well done Feck for finding your Angry Woman.
Wishing you all courage xx

SuperbMonkey · 02/03/2020 09:00

Lost another long post but my fault for clicking off the page!

Morning all. Adrenaline has flattened off today, so feeling slightly tired but ready for the next onslaught. Apologies if I miss anyone out.

@SoTiredTonight, I just picked up on your post about children. I do have regrets about that. Looking back I have not planned my life well, but have let it happen to me. I have also been too much influenced by the desires and needs of others, and have squashed my desires and needs into a matchbox. I made myself less than nothing, particularly in the marriage. That was my responsibility not his. So the regrets are around that. Not having children makes this situation easier in many respects but also harder in terms of emptiness and loneliness. I know that I have to fill that gap by caring for myself. 🤗 to you.

@Bigpooh13

Sorry that you are in the same boat, but harder in a different way having brought up the OW’s kids. Your friend sounds lovely, and I hope you felt cherished. I am sure she boosts your self esteem and his friend said your new hair was ‘rocking’. Take the compliments when you get them and believe them if you can. You come across as a fun person to spend time with and I can imagine that you have lots of laughs with your friends. ❤️

@thegrassisgreenernow, thanks for the kick up the bottom! I needed that. You are right. Thanks for spurring us on in your suede warrior suit! We do have to reclaim our lives and ourselves and tell them to get lost. What you say about being our own priority now is very true. I’ve realise, though, that I hadn’t been his priority for a long time. Perhaps I never was, but was just being used as a convenience. That’s sad. 😞. Thank you for the reminder though.

@Filly2011, please don’t say that you are stupid or blame yourself. You’re not stupid or in the wrong. Your H started this. He had an affair behind your back. When he was dumped, he made no effort to do the right thing by you. He made yawning noises when you were on the phone, he was cruel, and he made it clear that he preferred her to you. He is old enough to have learnt better manners at the very least! The OW made a public show of unity with her husband. Your H decides that he wants to spend a day with you but entirely on his own terms. Those terms turned out not to be acceptable to you. You asked a question and his response shows you who he is. Please believe him. He could have reacted calmly and politely. He didn’t do that. And then you get blamed.

You are strong and financially secure. You know what you should do and sooner rather than later. He says what he feels you want him to say to keep you sweet and to get what he wants. His heart isn’t in it. I’m in the same situation. I have listened to the denials over and over again. He says and does things that are supposed to suck me back in, to feel sorry for him, to roll over. Then he gets angry when I mention the denied affair, over the money, accuses me of not being kind! 😢 and 😤 faces. It’s rubbish! 🤗

@Feckthisshit2020, you’re packing a punch this morning. Good for you. All your words of support to Filly are true and insightful. I am going to remember this today. I hope you have a really good one. 😘

Stay strong warriors, whatever the day brings. Xx

Bigpooh13 · 02/03/2020 09:49

Filly. My what an idiot. Value yourself n keep away. How dare he.
Just tell him he must be a crap lover.

Superb. Come on girlie up the anti. Hes dragged you down again. I fet that he does and acts the same as mine. You give me strength so kick ass again and thanks for your comments. 🤩😜🙀💃