Some Friendly Words - Support Group

[ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies]

Hello, I thought I'd get us started in our new place.

Kind of imagining it full of comfy chairs and sofas, with hot cups of tea an hand along with a well-stocked bar.

Welcome all xx

Just dropping by to say you are all strong women and we will get through our respective situations. Lots of great advice and know I am here to handhold where needed.
I am also away to look for the I can mend your broken heart book, sounds like something I need.
Please do at least 1 thing to take care of yourselves today ladies xx

I'm so sorry for the new ladies.
Keep talking.
Do not think too much of the future just hour by hour.
Cry, do what you feel.
Horrible bit of advice but get as much financial information from him as possible. I took pictures.
You may not feel like it but you need it.
Dont worry about him it's his problem.

You are gonna feel like you have been sucked into a giant whirlwind and then just dropped.
Your life with them was not a lie. But they are now lying to make themselves feel better.

Yup. Don't believe a single word they tell you without verifiable evidence. And even then be very sceptical. It's easier to assume all their words are lies because the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.
I wish I'd grasped that fact years ago.

Fuck me. Every time I think it can’t get worse and he can’t be more selfish it does and he is. I don’t know who this person is.

You wont understand their behaviour and how they change. Its total shock. Disbelief, betrayal.

@Feckthisshit2020 what has happened ?

Welcome @Startoftheyear2020. Sorry that you’re here too. I have just suggested to someone on another thread (22 years married, same old story) that she comes here too. As I’ve said before there’s an epidemic of entitled, selfish, unpleasant men around. I want shot of mine ASAP and my joyful life back. I exuded happiness and I’m finding it again, in my own company. I feel like my own person for the first time ever. There is hope and we all have days of despair which are very, very hard. Husband dregs smell of decay and rot. Fresh new life for me, with work at its heart.

The interview as scary. It’s quite a high profile role and the panel was fierce. I did my best. Perhaps talked too much. Oh, well done now, and other fish in the sea. Off to see Parasite this afternoon. Apt, no?

@NomDeQwerty, that’s a long marriage! He is a toerag. Every word that comes out of my H’s mouth is a blatant lie. When I think of some of them I laugh because they are so stupid. To be fair to him I think he believes some of them, such are his delusions of grandeur..

@Emmerdaledramaqueen

Love books, but can lose myself in a film, especially if violent!

@Bigpooh13, your awesomeness continues. Photos are good.

@Feckthisshit2020, there is no end to the selfishness. We are obstacles to true love and soul mateness.

Back after some popcorn xx

I feel so sad reading some of your posts, it's awful when you're suddenly dropped from that big height completely out of the blue. I echo totally the post from @ThelmaAndLouise2020 her advice is spot on, especially the 'tiny steps' and be kind to yourself.

I saw a life coach many years back and one thing she said to me which I always remember was to not speak to yourself any differently that you would to your best friend. So don't beat yourself, quieten that little voice in your head that tries to say derogatory things about you and, above all, always remember how amazing you truly are.

I know it's so tough at times but, the truth is time does heal the initial pain and hurt, albeit very slowly. It's just getting rid of that big black hole inside that I'm finding so tough.

This thread is amazing and full of positivity amongst the sadness.

@SuperbMonkey - fingers crossed for a positive result from the interview today.

@HalfDutchGirl, thank you for your good wishes.

Will you need to wait long to find out if you got the job?

Can I join please? I’ve just been crapped on from a great height too.
Waves @SuperbMonkey

@Filly Hello, it’s good to have you here with us. I’ve read along on ‘your’ thread too although not sure if I ever posted on it. I’m so sorry for the shit he’s been giving you!

Hello @sotiredtonight and everyone.
Friday always was really nice night - dinner, wine, box set, etc.
Feels sad doing it alone! But better alone than with a partner pining for someone else I guess.

@Filly2011, welcome! I’m glad you found us. We are an elite group of very special women.😀 We are warriors in the quest to find joy after despicable treatment by those who were supposed to have our backs. I’m waving at you. And you already have friends here. I loved Friday night as well. Best night of the week. Out or lounging at home. As you say better alone than with someone ‘yearning’ for someone else. I’ve had a few wobbles this afternoon. Went to see Parasite and it was depressing! No one to talk to about it and they allocated a couples seat to me, where we used to sit in better days. I didn’t realise until I got there in the dark! Triggers everywhere. Oh well, done now.

@SoTiredTonight, hello. How’s it all going?

@NomDeQwerty, it will be a bit of a wait. I’ve got another interview next week. I will send out more applications over the weekend.

See you all later xx😘

@Tinydancer123 he’s just completely checked out. Admitted I can’t rely on him even in relation to the kids. I’m completely on my own with all the responsibility and in pain while he sits navel gazing in a hotel pining for Her

I can’t do this. I was angry but now I’m all panicky. I keep sending him messages which he doesn’t reply to. I know I need to stop but I just don’t. He doesn’t give a shit does he. How? How can he leave us, me pregnant, in pain. How can he just fuck off without a backward glance and then send me woe is me messages?

No he doesn't give a shit.

I'm so sorry but he really doesn't.

My XH played the pity me card expertly for YEARS. He was using me and turning my kindness against me by hoovering me for sympathy all the while denying he was in contact with her when he actually was.
I don't want to put details on a public forum and have them end up as fodder for shitty journeys but let's just say that what he did in the end was jaw dropping.
I feel so much better now that my heart has caught up with my head and now knows that he's a 'reprehensible excuse for a human being's (as described by his eldest DC - none of the DCs will have anything to do with him now - they won't even read or answer his messages).

Your heart will catch up Feck. It takes time and going no contact really really helps.

Shitty journos not journeys

He’s upset because his whore is screwing someone else now. He’s hurting. Didn’t think she was like that! Fucking arsehole. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Not his children, not his family. Why would he tell me that?

@Nom he’s denying being in contact but he’s been doing that for years and everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. My poor beautiful children. He is not good for them and I won’t be able to protect them from his mind games. How do I keep them safe, if he decides to bother with contact?

@Feckthisshit2020 there are no answers to those questions other than because he's a terrible, cruel, selfish arsehole. This is so unfair. It is cruel and horrible and he is a MONSTER. You are having to deal with so much and HE DOESN'T GET IT because he's THE WORST.

But you need to put down the phone. Archive your chats with him so they're not there staring at you. Go as no contact as you can. Email only about children and divorce. Your friends in real life and online, your family, your counselor, they are here for everything else.

Fuck him. Shields up!

I think that’s one of the hardest things to grasp - that the person who you thought had your back doesn’t appear to be the same man at all. And contact doesn’t help because then you just get ignored which ends up making you feel worse.

@Filly - it’s that he doesn’t seem to care about the kids. I knew he didn’t care about me. I didn’t think he’d ever treat them like this.

I've told mine to use an email address that doesn't pop through on my phone. I have to deliberately sign into it on the laptop and check it every few days. I've blocked him from everything else on my phone except calls. He can ring in an emergency only. Except I know he'd rather cut his own tiny dick off than actually speak to me so I'm safe there.
Seriously - block him. If there's an emergency with the kids you can unblock to contact him then reblock.
I absolutely did the whole devastated and pining thing. It's horrific but it does pass and it passes faster if you don't feed the beast.