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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can a relationship turn emotionally abusive after a few years?

345 replies

Lastreng91 · 29/01/2020 20:44

Regular here. Name changed because I don't want to be outed by friends. Just that really. Has it happened to any of you? Things were great early on but we rushed things and some of the very very small pale red flags now seem a little bigger and brighter a few years and one DC later. But I'm still not even sure it's emotionally abusive per se. It's not the usual things like controlling money or outright put downs. It's subtle things that I'm only just really seeing and not dismissing. I'm just not sure if my gut is oversensitive (and it can be due to anxiety/depression that's well controlled but still there from time to time) and maybe it's just a bad dip in the relationship due to having a full on toddler and some life stressor this year. Did any of you ever have a realisation after a year or two?

A small example is H having an issue with my history if it's ever come up. I've only had a few relationships and slept with under 15 people and he only knows of a few but he, on those rare occasions it comes up, does make me feel bad about it intentionally. Which I brush off obviously because its ridiculous.

And earlier in the year I was very unwell and sectioned due to a freak breakdown. It was a one off and I've been perfectly fine since but if we have a bit of an argument Ill say I'm going to clear my head by getting a coffee or going for a walk and he's blocked the door once or twice because he says he thinks ill go kill myself. Maybe that ones on me but it feels controlling.

What I mean is, that feels like gaslighting and like he's using my MH against me so I can't escape the situation. It's only happened maybe 2 or 3 times since the summer but it's irked me each time. Obviously he's got great sides to him or I wouldn't be in this situation or only just wondering if some of this is a bit... Off. And I wonder if I'm difficult myself and maybe don't see it.

Has anyone ever gone through a phase where they worried their relationship might be toxic or low key abusive and its passed or turned out to just be a bad phase?

OP posts:
Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 07:53

I'm being very careful. Especially with my phone. I've changed my password on it in case he knew it and only typing on here or looking up information on divorce, abuse etc when he's either on the pc or I'm in another room. Thanks.

I didn't get back to sleep til 4 and now I'm up with the DCs so I'm tired as hell and just dying to go to my Mum's. I can't be honest about it either because I went out last night so I'm going to say she wants me to pick up something of the DCs that they left here then that she asked me to stay for a cuppa. He'll get all shitty if I just say oh I'm seeing my mum tonight. Because why do I want to be out the house 2 nights in a row 🙄🙄🙄

While hes still in bed I'm going through this thread and writing the important bits down so I have it all on a few pages at hand.

OP posts:
ILoveAScotchEggMe · 01/02/2020 08:03

You are in a stalemate situation and you are not at rock bottom yet so you are still in the, 'am I right to feel the way I feel?' mindset.

This is what I would do so the truth is revealed or not and the matter is settled either way.

-Carry on with the therapy.
-Get legal advice as soon as possible. Knowledge is power and you will feel less destabilised by him if you know exactly what your rights are going forward.
-Carry on losing the weight. See this as your own private goal that is a private contract between you now and your future self but do not under any circumstances tell him what you are doing. Go really low key about it and hug to yourself that this is something that is just for you. Don't let him see you weighing and measuring, stuff like that. Do not let him see you taking extra exercise. Have a military approach to this. Proper grey rock. Put smaller protions on your plate or say you have already eaten if he queries it. Grey rock all the way.
-Go quieter when he has a pop at you. I agree with a PP to make diary of exactly what he says, the context, the result (how it made you feel, how it made others around you feel) but take it and vent to others or on here if you need to in the moment.
-Spend a bit more time on yourself than usual. More skincare, hair care, nails, stuff like that. Not enough to start him predictably banging on about your having a lover but really subtle stuff
-Project an image of a fundamentally happy person. Listen to something funny on the radio and smile as you stare into the distance. Stop and look at something beautiful and take it in and be seen by him as that you are really getting something from it. Hum and sing when you are doing the most mundane of tasks. Enjoy a good book but be visibly doing so. (Clive James Unreliable Memoirs was the book I thank for ending my previous marriage!) The same with a TV programme, 'Oh she is so good at acting'. 'That drone operator has done that before eh?' 'The stunt man earned his money that day!'

I am advising this because the result of all of the above will either kill or cure OP, a litmus test of how he feels about you and his personality.

It's all designed to get you to rock bottom if your marriage is ever going to go there. If it gets to rock bottom under these circumstances it's due to his behaviour entirely and you will have the information you need to move on without regrets.

He will see you get gradually happier, slimmer, more muscled, more content with the small things of life and developing a seemingly more at ease with yourself persona. You are looking after yourself a bit more, comfortable in your own skin and are growing an armour around yourself.

If he queries all of this it's down to the therapy isn't it? Wink

If he lays off you and enjoys seeing you happy, relaxed, doing things for yourself (weight loss, glowing skin and hair etc) and becomes supportive of you, great.

If it drives him to being more and more abusive to you then you have your answer. The slightly quieter you that doesn't respond as you used to to every well aimed barb will have him escalating the frequency and the nastiness of each assault on this armoured happy healthy you (that he claims to love) to the point you will hit rock bottom, you will 'see' him under the pile of red flags the size of Russia and you have what you came for. Proof he is either lovely and it's you being hard work or more likely because he sounds like a manipulative manchild you realise he is a manipulative manchild.

Wear a rubber band around your wrist or a ring to twist every time he is being obnoxious as it will be a visual reminder of your background 'smiley grey rock plan'. Do this for yourself. It will only last a few weeks or months and it will give you the answers you must have for future happiness.

jamaisjedors · 01/02/2020 08:16

Some great advice on here and I am very much in admiration of your strength and clear headedness op, despite bringing such a difficult situation.

It took me a very long time to leave my emotionally abusive husband (I have a few long running "sulking dh" threads on here).

I can totally relate to how torn you feel.

If I'm honest, I still loved my exh when I left.

But I realised that living with him was destroying me.

I totally agree with the advice above about being your best self and doing what YOU want to do, and seeing how he reacts.

It sounds like you have given him enough chances already, but like you, j vokldnt bring myself to leave without giving it another go and giving him an opportunity to change.

He asked me to stay for 6 months, and it was a "fake" six months as I carried on making plans to leave and looking for a house, but thank god I did, as otherwise I would have been overwhelmed by all the practical details to sort which would have kept me in the relationship even longer.

Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 08:59

That's really good advice. Thank you. I'm definitely not letting this sabotage my weight loss or general getting my life back on track!

I wrote this out and will show my therapist on Monday. Its as concise as I could get it. (re posted with names redacted, have asked MN to delete the first post).

Can a relationship turn emotionally abusive after a few years?
Can a relationship turn emotionally abusive after a few years?
OP posts:
billy1966 · 01/02/2020 08:59

Great job OP.

You are sounding stronger and clearer every day.

Would you look for a tonic to give the extra energy to help you through this.

Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 09:07

Thank you. H is still in bed and I cba to go nag him to wake up so I'm getting dressed and taking the boys to our local park Smile I need the fresh air and endorphins myself too after another poppy night.

OP posts:
GoldenCrunchMunch · 01/02/2020 09:36

Looks really obvious in black and white doesn't it.

I saw the sheets before you asked to have them removed. I'm not going to say anything, but I think people would be supportive if you told them the thing you whited out on the first sheet.

frazzledasarock · 01/02/2020 09:44

@Lastreng91 once you start making moves to get him out, find out how to transfer the child benefit to your account as you’re the main carer of the dc and incurring costs for them.

I reckon you’ll find you’re better off financially when he’s not around. No one sitting around at home on the computer all day using electricity, lower grocery bills, single person council tax discount. Plus if you can get the child benefit transferred to you.

Never mind the calmer living atmosphere.

I really would also tell friends and family and your therapist. Get help in real life.

He really is very abusive and steadily escalating. I find this whole thread so unsettling, be safe.

Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 09:54

The thing I whited out I was just embarrassed at. He goes out once or twice a month, fine in itself. But he can't control himself and will take drugs if they're offered to him. I think weed mostly but I know he's done coke too. And then comes back so late and it throws off our entire weekend. I whited it out because Im not sure I'm overreacting about that one but it definitely bothers the hell out of me. We have kids. It's a bit pathetic to still be doing that. Even if it's rarely.

I'm working on an excuse to transfer the cb over to me before he knows what's going on. Ill come up with something!

OP posts:
Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 11:05

Took the DCs out. Was nice to get out. Youngest screamed the whole way back but he hates leaving the park so it's pretty standard. Im trying to tire myself out physically today so I sleep better tonight.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 01/02/2020 11:39

Glad to read you enjoyed your outing.

I am in awe of any parents who can deal with children screaming as routine and carry on regardless. 😀

LIZS · 01/02/2020 12:15

How is he funding his drug habit?

Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 12:51

I found the first year stressful but now the screaming is par for course 😂

He doesn't pay for it. It's when it's offered. But it's still shitty behaviour and not very "parental". He could have something mixed with something bad and bloody die or end up a vegetable 🙄

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 01/02/2020 13:09

That's great that you've written it all out. Smile

^The thing I whited out I was just embarrassed at. He goes out once or twice a month, fine in itself. But he can't control himself and will take drugs if they're offered to him. I think weed mostly but I know he's done coke too. And then comes back so late and it throws off our entire weekend. I whited it out because Im not sure I'm overreacting about that one but it definitely bothers the hell out of me. We have kids. It's a bit pathetic to still be doing that. Even if it's rarely.
^
Your feelings on this are perfectly reasonable. I personally hate druggies, I used to want to be all 'alternative' and so the men I was interested in took and offered me drugs. It was part of what made me land in hospital the first time with my bipolar. People think drugs (esp.weed) are harmless- they're absolutely not.

The weed will be adding to his tendency to sit on his arse and not do much. Even if he's not smoking it all the time, it hangs around in your system. And it won't be helping his mental health or ability to be aware of others needs/communicate in the way a relationship requires. I would have very little respect for this immature druggie.

As you've said, coke is physically dangerous, even/especially in its pure state. It vastly increases the risk of heart attacks etc.

When do you next see your therapist? I look forward to hearing how you get on :)

billy1966 · 01/02/2020 14:07

The thing with weed in particular that is so derailing is that it promotes apathy.

Very dangerous to students as if it's being used regularly it will destroy potential.

I'm possibly showing my age but the idea of my partner or husband doing drugs whilst raising a family is anathema to me.

I can't get my head around people doing coke recreationally after having children.

The two just don't go together IMO.

I can certainly understand someone having a huge problem with it.
I also think still wanting to do it, indicates that you are not ready for family life.

Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 14:53

I don't think it's affecting him beyond a day or 2 per month. It's the principle though. Just sack it off.

I saw my mum early for lunch. She wasn't very helpful. She doesn't want to guide my hand by accident so she said it's my life etc. I need to decide. She did say she thinks he's unmotivated and a bit of a loser.

OP posts:
Shadyshadow · 01/02/2020 18:11

OP weed can impact you permanently. The paranoia, the depression etc.

I woildnt believe for a minute that he has it when its offered.

Who in their right mind, offers free weed?

Shadyshadow · 01/02/2020 18:13

And definitely no one offers free coke to someone on a semi regular basis.

He is either paying for it or doing favours for it. Not a chance he gets weed and coke for free.

Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 18:23

No, I know the people. It's two close bachelor friends. They find him more fun when he's on something with them and not "just drunk" so they let him do a line or two or have a small joint. I've been present when it's been offered before at social gatherings. Im not surprised. I think it makes them feel less pathetic if everyone is doing it if that makes sense rather than just them (the "bachelors").

OP posts:
Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 18:34

My plan is to sit him down on Monday, when the kids are out the house and tell him it's serious. Divorce serious. And that he has some options. Option 1 is to step up and change up (lip service more than anything as I dont expect miracles and if he picks this option I'll just be solidifying things like childcare for therapy and any loose financial ties for when he fucks up).

Or we can do Relate counselling for a bit. Again, not expecting much but then he can't say it's out of the blue and I'm making him homeless etc.

Or he can refuse both and piss off ASAP.

OP posts:
Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 18:37

At least that way he knows and I haven't got to fake anything a second longer. Because I am dried out. And I haven't got to fend off as many sexual advances. And it gives me time to organise therapy and stuff.

OP posts:
Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 18:38

I'm nervous af though. I feel sick to my stomach and will all weekend. Ugh.

OP posts:
Lastreng91 · 01/02/2020 19:26

Actually I'm not doing relate. Fuck that Hmm but the rest stands. Get a job and start driving lessons and stop controlling my eldests relationship with his dad and maaaaybe I won't kick you out instantly and will let you stay a bit and sort yourself out for leaving. I'm setting the time limit for end of Feb.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 01/02/2020 19:43

I never once paid for any drugs, to be fair. And I don't think it was just so people could screw me lol, having joints together or sharing it or whatever is part of the social thing for people who are into it. It all has a longer term effect than people assume, though, and is far more unhealthy.

It's understandable that you're nervous.

Damn right, don't do Relate, he's not worth it and you already know how you feel. They say you shouldn't do couple's counselling with people who are abusive, anyway (which he is.)

maaaaybe I won't kick you out instantly and will let you stay a bit and sort yourself out for leaving. I'm setting the time limit for end of Feb.

So, are you actually going to tell him he has to move out? That'd be great.