Heartbroken and dont know what to do

[AgeOfDragons]

Me and my partner split a few months back but have been speaking every day and seeing each other, other than the label nothing had changed (we even went on holiday)

Today at 3am he told me he never wanted to get back together again and he didn’t want anything to do with me from this point on.

I was/am at his house 100miles from where I live. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces, I don’t want this to be the end of it, but he says he will never change his mind. I was so distressed I threw up (tmi sorry) and couldn’t breathe, I’ve never felt pain like it, it was like someone had died. He fell asleep upstairs after what he’d said while I was crying downstairs.

He just wanted us to be friends this whole time apparently, but I’m not able to because I’m so in love with him.

Because it’s so early the trains aren’t on yet so i took his car keys to sit in the car with the heat on until they start in about an hour. I’ll post his keys and go and I guess that will be that.

I’m just sat here thinking this is the last time I’ll see this house, the last time I’ll sit in this car. Could’ve even been the last time I saw his face

I don’t know what to do. I didn’t want to move on, I just wanted to be with him always. How do people cope with the pain and the loss?

It's hard but use this heartbreak to turn it around and get angry! How fukin dare he use you like this all this time and string you along ?! Did u really think he was guna wanna try again , had he given u signals ? Would u really wanna b with a man who treats u this way disregards you, looks at u like rubbish as that's how he treated u ! It is horrible and hurts so bad physically but seriously u are lookin weak to him given HIM all the control ! and he's obv gettin a kick out of it ! So what u dp is u TAKE back the control and u block him on every single thing and u write him a letter a goodbye letter wrote down everything u feel bin through the pain the anger the hurt everything get it out then... u burn it! Sounds dramatic or u rip it up u never send it as he is not in your life anymore he doesn't want to be and he is now dead to u. BUT this destroying of the letter with all your feelings will help you heal please trust me, and cut that fucker off do not believe for a single second he wants u or changes his mind when u block him (they always do) as it's all too late for him. U will move forward and meet the Man U deserve who will not treat u as tho u don't matter for 3 months, this is your life start living it for u. It's done x
Ps I'm sorry I'm harsh but it will help u move on quicker and heal xxx

Plus I've been through 2 heartbreaks in my life (one very recent) the first one was REAL pain, I used to say I wish he had beaten me (as wrong as that sounds) but that is how he made me feel inside. It was like he had died then and there but stilll walking around in life without me. So I no exactly how u feel the pain subsides but is still there. ( I have trouble letting things go) but lookin back I knew it was never ever guna work! That was 10 years ago and I have never ever loved properly since as the pain was so bad but this one I had been with for years and was falling but never truly fell in love properly and now we are broken up the pain is still bad but I've just over it a lot quicker and u will too huni xxx

I remember the feelings you describe when my husband walked out on me. I spent days feeling sick, not eating and not sleeping but I'm 3 months down the line now and feel so much better. I took kalms and nitol for a while, cried when I needed to and spent time talking to friends. After a while I decided enough was enough and I needed to get myself together. I started to make plans for the future, sorting our house and where I was going to live, I kept busy, accepted all social invitations and generally tried to focus on the good things in my life. The pain does pass I promise. Good luck OP 💐

Yes unfortunately he did give me hints and signals that there was a chance, always saying he was lost and didn’t know quite what he wanted but he was there with cuddles and affection. If I asked him to block me (because I have rubbish will-power) he never could and kept saying I was his best friend and he didn’t want a life without me. I thought that was in a romantic sense but I’ve been very wrong it seems.

He said he wasn’t doing very well himself and that he needed to heal (which I took as, when he did feel better we could try again). I understand now that he was trying to “soften the blow” but I’m not one for taking hints

I haven’t managed to block him yet, but it is my goal and I do intend to do it soon, just feels like a nail in a coffin and I’m scared of the future alone

I also have 2 DC that aren’t his that I have to explain where he’s gone to

Thank you for all your stories of how you’ve started building up from this pain, it’s such a huge comfort

Did he invite you over, have sex with you and then say all that, or did you go there to talk to him, unexpected, no sex involved? Had he been working all weekend hence sleeping the way he did?

Would you taking his keys have freaked him out a bit, as he may not in fact have been asleep?

He invited me over to have a nice night together as it was my birthday weekend and the kids were with their dad. No sex expected and none happened but some cuddles, kisses/hand holding and watching Love Island. Chatting, etc. Imagine a normal couples night in on an average weekday curled up on the sofa with a take away.

I got sad in the early hours in bed cuddling and said that I was finding things hard to cope with (being technically apart and not knowing where I stand, especially with valentines coming up) and that’s when things begun to be said, as he claimed I knew where I stood and that wasn’t going to change.

He fell asleep just because it was like 3am but he doesn’t work and just had a week off uni so it was ‘ordinary’ tiredness. He was definitely asleep when I borrowed the keys, he would have took them off me fearing the worst otherwise

I was trying to not wake him coz I didn’t want to annoy him, just wanted to wait for the trains to start then go

It sounds like he has been talking and you haven't been listening ........ he's trying to let you down gently /hope that you will fade ....

How old are you ( if he is at Uni ) ?

I think you need to take what he says and his behaviour at face value, and as others have said stop seeing him as a potential partner and stay away and your feelings will fade.

If you carried on seeing him after you had split up, he is likely to have seen that as you accepting it as casual. It is now at least out in the open how he feels and how you feel.

There is no possibility that he would have behaved like that if he had feelings for you. If you compromise what you want just to be with him, you will really hurt yourself.

I would probably focus on just your two dc at the moment, keeping life good for them, and take time to heal yourself. Be single for a bit. Then you will be free and in the right frame of mind sometime in the future for the right person.

I'm 30, he's a late student after changing what he wanted to do with his life

I spoke to him briefly on WhatsApp just now for the last time, to try and get some closure. But it didn't really help. He said sorry over and over. I told him about the future life i'd lost that i was grieving for. When i asked what should i say to the kids he said "i dont know, dont want to think about it"

What do i say to my kids? They love him so much Youngest DC is autistic and very attached.

He said "we both need this", i said "no, you want this dont put that on me". I asked if he had anything left to say before i went (for good), but it was only sorry and that he was grateful for everything id done for him. Then "but nothing that will stop then pain"

I didn't reply. I blocked him on everything and deleted his number.

Just sat here in absolute pieces wondering how on earth i'll get out of bed in the morning and how i'll keep on living

I don't want to feel like this i just want it to stop. When do you stop wanting them to turn up at your door crying for you back

Oh OP this is heartbreaking to read I’m so sorry this is happening

I’m around your age. DP is the absolute love of my life and I knew from the moment I met him he would be special to me. A few years ago he ended our relationship - I will never ever forget the pain I felt. Not just emotionally, but mentally and physically too. That bit was a real shock to me at the time. I was sick, my belly and chest was in so much pain. I couldn’t eat and when I did I Survived on dry biscuits until I could stomach more and more. I would lay in bed and cry myself to sleep and cry again as soon as I woke up and it hit me

I promise you the best thing you can do is to go no contact. I know you’ve deleted his number but nowadays it’s so easy to get it back but please don’t.
Remove him off social media. Remove any of his family members and friends too. I wasn’t brace enough to do this however I did ‘hide’ them so that although they were on my friends list I didn’t see any of their posts.

As cliche as it sounds each day will get easier. You just have to go through the shit storm first. Make plans with friends and family, use your free time to take the kids places. Try new hobbies if you can. One day it’ll be 3pm and you’ll realise you’ve not thought of him once that day. Not every song will remind you of him. It will be horrible at first but eventually you’ll get there

Loveablers
Thank you, i was in such shock when i started being sick, i couldn't understand why it physically hurt so much. Now i'm scared to go to sleep in case i dream about him, and scared to wake up knowing i'll never get the good morning messages. I also cant eat, i'm going to try an ice pop but i've only just realised i haven't eaten today and i'm not hungry at all. It feels like i'm really poorly

I do believe going no contact is what's needed, and i'm hoping that it will cause both of us to focus on ourselves because i think we've been ignoring our own issues to try and help/comfort each other.

When we spoke he said he's in love with me and that it just isn't enough. I kind of understand that but at the same time, i'm such a hopeless romantic i've always believed love can conquer all

You speak about your DP in present tense, did you two get back together in the end? If so, it's nice to hear a positive outcome

I've been watching some motivational videos to try and show myself that no contact is for the best.

• If it means we work things out in months or years because we got the time we needed then great.
• If it means he meets someone else and moves on then at least i know the type of person he is (like my ex, one i don't want).
• And if it means he discovers he's happier not being in touch then i obviously never meant what i thought i did and i'm better off without the relationship. I hope that makes sense.

I'm just finding the pain so so unbearable. I feel like im not good enough even though i know deep down that isn't the case. I just want him to come and hold me and take the pain away

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You need to take every day, even hour as it comes. You will have good days and bad days but your strength will build and you will get used to life without him..

It is really difficult when you have kids as you have to put a brave face on. However, they will keep you going too.

Take care x

I've been watching some motivational videos to try and show myself that no contact is for the best.

Because it's the best for you. Not him

Concentrate on you now and your children. Stop worrying about what's best for him, he's doing enough of that for both of you.

I’ve been an hour late for the school run this morning Feel like I’m failing in life

Just sat in the car outside school crying trying so hard not to call him (which is why I came to post here). It’s been a tough morning and normally I would ring him and we’d reassure each other and be there for each other

He was my best friend before we even got together, now I’m so alone

I won’t do it coz it’s pathetic and never works, but I feel like calling and begging. Why Why can’t I just get through the day

I want to say you will get through this pain. I remember that feeling when I didn't think I could do it and that the pain from my heartbreaking was too much to bare.
As others have said, to heal you need to block him.
X

Come on, you have two DC to consider, you need to woman up!

Block him. Stop telling yourself that you have poor willpower. Do yourself and your DC a service by going and maintaining NC.

If you’re struggling mental health wise in a couple of weeks, seek help. You need to be well enough to parent OK.

Look to your other friendships - your ex is no longer a friend.

You made some poor decisions as regards your ex and given your responsibilities can’t afford to spend more time or energy on him.

The pain is indeed shit. It will reduce much more quickly if you make sensible choices from now on, mainly no contact.

He is blocked on everything and I deleted his number so I plan on maintaining the NC, I just can’t believe how difficult it is

Spent this year so far wishing someone would change their mind. The sea change happens when you realise that if they did change their mind, you'd be the one to say 'no thanks', because somehow you've opened your eyes to all their flaws and you realise that this person could never respect you enough to make you want to be with them. Without respect, a relationship is doomed.

Off course you will feel pain - it’s normal.
You are doing the right thing.
Time for a new start.
New opportunities will come in time.
Focus on your children.
Focus on yourself.

Can I ask how long you were together?
I told him about the future life i'd lost that i was grieving for
Statements like this and about your kids seem very dramatic, you didn’t live together, your kids will adapt. From reading your posts I think your clinging on that he’ll come back, clean break, block him everywhere.