To phone police for abuse?

[inthedarkX]

Last week ex told me he would come see baby today whilst other kids are in school, I agreed. Then he cancelled on me this week saying he's busy with his gf. So I said ok. Then my friend invited me and my children to her house straight after school after school as her primary school children go to same school as my primary school kids . My older children who are in high school were meant to meet me at my friends after they finished after school club. ( they know where it is as we've done this before and bus stop near her house)
Anyway he text me 'I'm at xxxxxx and xxxxxx school picking them up. I told him no we have plans and he had 0 plans to pick the kids up or even come over!!! Anyway he picked them up and a lot of commotion was caused and I ended up having to go home. And our night cancelled! He then text me calling me evil saying I'm stopping him seeing kids coz I wouldn't let him in to see them baby!
That's not the cAse
He then sends me a 'meme' saying baby mamas are spiteful That they can't have you back a baby mother world with you and is consistent
So what he's saying is I have to put my life on hold for him to turn up whenever he wishes!!!
Then I thought let's see if his gf is busy because I think he only wanted to come coz she's busy ! So one look at her Facebook profile with her story has public she's busy with her family ! So he only wanted to come coz she's busy and ruin my plans
Am I being unreasonable to report him for this as it's just abuse now!

No decent father cancels contact on a whim or demands the children to be available to him whenever he feels like it.

OP you need to either apply to the courts yourself, you don't need a lawyer for that or use the email a PP suggested. Write the dates and times he can have them, the children will be unavailable at any other time. Make sure you do say no. If he doesn't like it,he can take you to court himself. Make sure you keep all the messages of him cancelling, changing his mind etc, any communication that is abusive,threatening ,swearing at you if he does go to court.

Must be a full moon tonight or something, in what world is being called names( in front of the children) not abusive?

how is he so available? does he not work?

Basically OP, he’s pissing you off. That’s all he’s doing. So, divorce the knob head and let the courts handle the rest.
Don’t be negative around your children either. They can already see what he’s like, don’t add to it, or they’ll resent you too and that’ll be abuse in its own right.

Thanks to the posters who have been helpful and supportive

He's text the children This morning telling me he will be taking them to school this morning when though me and him didn't discuss this beforehand. So he will expect me to let him into my home so he can do that, I don't want him here ! He just does what he wants, I say no you are not and he does it anyway

Dont let him in!!!

christ take some action here and grow a backbone

he's walking all over you and you are letting him! see a solicitor, get some support and change your locks!

Don’t let him in. If he hammers at the door shouting abuse you’ll have something to log with the police.
But again, him wanting to take the kids to school elevates you having to do this?

I do think you are getting a hard time OP but it doesn’t seem like you are trying to help yourself right now. You can start court proceedings to arrange contact, you don’t need his permission to do so

Have the kids ready to leave for school ffs. Saves you a job.

Does everything have to prove a point?

Some of the posters here are just full of hatred.
She is asking for help, she just suggested police involvement and ask us to advice her on that!
She said she has been in abusive relationship and there was DV as well. Every other thread i read about a abusive controlling ex all of you are saying call the police! Call the WA.. she needs proper advice to help her out not slamming her here..
why others can get support and she cannot?
OP clearly needs help and advice otherwise she wouldn’t have created the thread..
Please just next time you guys think before you write things down because some if the posters were horrible which is completely uncalled for.

Okay,,, you need to call womans aid with this

You need to set boundaries ie, I'm coming to take the kids to school answer that doesnt work for me can we make it x day at x time or see you on your usual day

Try and find free or funded mediation it can be like hens teeth but you might get lucky

If he cancels go out if he tries to cancel the cancelled contact tell him no you cancelled you let the kids down I've take them out to cheer them up

Dont let him make arrangements via the kids tell him every time contact goes through you not the kids

Thanks again to the helpful recent posters. I sat down with my ex today to try and get him to see sense and listen to me. It did not do any good one bit so I will find money, anything at all costs to get a court order sorted. I'll just have to find the £200+
He said if I make him give me set times for the kids he will not be able to work so much in his other job ( his main job 37.5 hours a week which is contracted but he has one where he builds furniture for ppl ect so pretty much self employed in second job) so he will not buy the children things that they need ( coats shoes) and won't be taking them out. He put my on a real guilt trip that the kids will hate me and suffer if I make him give me set days so all he does is make threats when I ask him kindly to reconsider his behaviour. Anyway I told him, I want set days and I was adamant on that and I asked him not to have his gf around the kids if he can't give me a routine for the kids because how is it right he's messing up the kids stability and throwing her into the mix at the same time. I asked him to have kids on set days and then slowly introduce his gf back into short lives again. And he doesn't take on board what I said. He just took them around her today. It's affecting my 3 year old and I can see it. My 3 year old son came back and was so quiet and hardly talked to me which is unusual for him. He went to bed without no trouble which is also unusual and I can see he's confused. I don't like this and I feel uncomfortable. All I asked was for him to slowly introduce her after we've sorted proper arrangements and I think that's fair, but he doesn't care
It's deffo going to be court now. And I will stand my ground.

Youve no right to stipulate rules around his girlfriend so ignore that. Youll get nowhere.

Keep record of everything he buys for them and everywhere he takes them, just to build up a picture for yourself. You might find he actually isnt doing very much.

Theres no way id allow him to blame me for him not taking them anywhere. No way.

Does he pay child maintenance?

The thing is if he works a job that is changeable shifts plus another job on top and has 7 children and 1 families to think about he won’t be able to give you a set day. There is nothing wrong with messaging on a Sunday for example and letting you know which days he is available to have the kids for that week. Asking him to commit to one specific day each week will not work if he works shifts.
It’s understandable that you are angry at your ex and his girlfriend but you don’t have the right to say his kids can’t be around her.
I’m glad that you are going to court and I really wish you well

*2 families

He has to pay child maintenance, he doesn't get a choice.

Also, what do you mean he just comes in your house? Isn't the door kept locked?

Well done for deciding to represent yourself in court. It's an excellent idea and it's not too difficult, ive done it myself.

@Rose789 so what happens fo my life then? How can I plan my one life a week in advance ? What if I eventually want to meet someone? How will I get to meet someone?
He left and his now happy with a new family, a job and a life. I have nothing and I will continue to have nothing if accept him giving me the days On a Sunday. Why should I live at first mercy of his life just because he left me. That's not my problem and set days are the only thing I will accept now

I don't see why I should have to be given a week in advance when he's having the kids so he can plan his whole life events in that week and I have to accept what day he wants, what about my life and my plans. Don't they matter just because he left me and has two jobs ?

I want to find work too, if I have to accept one week advance for him having kids, how will i work a job around that? Or am just expected to sit at home all my life with kids for my ex to live his life and come when he's not busy? It's like I'm seen less of a person because I was left by my husband

You have a baby and 5 other children you’re not going back to work right now. In the future you can find a job around nursery/school/childcare. The answer right now is not to force your ex to leave his job so he can see his own children.
How is he meant to pay child maintenance for 7 children without a job?
You talk about meeting someone- what would you do if your ex said your kids aren’t allowed to meet or spend time with a new partner. What would you do then?
It’s a shit situation and your ex is an arsehole but don’t cut your nose off to spite your face.

@Rose789 he would go mad if I met someone and had them around my children. Yet he can have a woman around them.
An or doesn't matter if I have 6 children, I'm still entitled to a settled life and goals. And he doesn't pay maintenance so him working is for his own benefits

Yet he can force me to drop everything in my life for him!

Christ why did you have so many children with this man?

You do sound bitter. If you have that many children, I would have expected you to be a bit more clued up than you come across.

My ex husband was abusive, me and my children ended up in a refuge. Two years on, after all that and him having a new girlfriend instantly after him leaving me, he sees his son. He's army so isn't always consistent with contact... so what do I do? I get on with it. That was a choice I made. AND funnily enough, I'm on very very good terms with his girlfriend. Me and him don't see eye to eye at all really, but for the sake our our child together we get by.

It's possible. You're just choosing this difficult route. As I said, you come across very bitter.

Time to get a grip on yourself.

@annielennoxstuckinmyhead well wouldn't you be bitter if a man left you for another woman and threatened you to abort his baby but then found out whilst we was trying to work on our marriage he was fucking her and got her pregnant and supported bet in her pregnancy? Wouldn't you be bitter!!!

@annielennoxstuckinmyhead I had so many children because despite everything I thought he loved me and his family. It clearly wasn't enough