To phone police for abuse?

[inthedarkX]

Last week ex told me he would come see baby today whilst other kids are in school, I agreed. Then he cancelled on me this week saying he's busy with his gf. So I said ok. Then my friend invited me and my children to her house straight after school after school as her primary school children go to same school as my primary school kids . My older children who are in high school were meant to meet me at my friends after they finished after school club. ( they know where it is as we've done this before and bus stop near her house)
Anyway he text me 'I'm at xxxxxx and xxxxxx school picking them up. I told him no we have plans and he had 0 plans to pick the kids up or even come over!!! Anyway he picked them up and a lot of commotion was caused and I ended up having to go home. And our night cancelled! He then text me calling me evil saying I'm stopping him seeing kids coz I wouldn't let him in to see them baby!
That's not the cAse
He then sends me a 'meme' saying baby mamas are spiteful That they can't have you back a baby mother world with you and is consistent
So what he's saying is I have to put my life on hold for him to turn up whenever he wishes!!!
Then I thought let's see if his gf is busy because I think he only wanted to come coz she's busy ! So one look at her Facebook profile with her story has public she's busy with her family ! So he only wanted to come coz she's busy and ruin my plans
Am I being unreasonable to report him for this as it's just abuse now!

Without knowing the back story, yes, I do think a parent should be able to see their kids whenever they want (within reason). If you were still together then he would be seeing them daily.
I don’t think you should drop everything when he says at the last moment that he wants to see the kids, as I said in my previous reply, I don’t see why you had to cancel your plans instead of just saying that’s fine just drop them to xx house when you are finished

it's not a police matter. make all arrangements via text and do not delete texts.

I would never make up 'physical abuse' at all! But he is emotionally abusive. And controlling.
How can it be right that if I had plans with our children he text me 20 mins before and says he's going getting the kids. If the kids were at his flat I wouldn't say 20 mins prior I'm coming getting kids then go get them so why's it ok that he does it.

Because you don’t have proper contact in place. Do that.

Genuine question, what did you actually expect the police to do about this?

He expects me to be at home for when it suits him. He text after asking to come in to cook tea for the kids. Why do I have to accept that? It's just control.

SO ORGANISE CONTACT!!

It is, at most, annoying that he picked them up. Not abusive or even controlling. This happens because you do not have a proper contact agreement, something that numerous posters have told you to sort out. You seem intent on seeking evidence of this "abuse" for your legal aid.
Your children should be the priority in this, not winning the petty argument.

He expects me to be at home for when it suits him. He text after asking to come in to cook tea for the kids. Why do I have to accept that? It's just control.

Well you just say no, obviously

You don’t have to accept it. You just say no. I’ll accommodate you shortly but at the moment it’s not convenient is what you say.
You need access formally organised if it’s not working. Sort it out and life will be easier.
Don’t use the police to facilitate this if there’s no abuse.

How am I supposed to organise contact with A man who doesn't want to organise proper contact? He just wants to come when it suits him. And I'm expected to be at home when he wants to pick kids up and then if he wants to drop them back off. And if i can't get legal aid, how am i supposed to seek legal court orders without the finances to do so.. I

You don't have to put up with that OP, but there's nothing the police can do realistically. Have you been in touch with women's aid? They can support you to sort child contact arrangements and point you in the direction of legal help.

You would probably benefit from doing the freedom programme, so that you can cope with co parenting going forward. You don't have to live like this, you need to take back your power. Good luck

He doesn't take no for an answer tho that's my point. He just does it anyway. If I say no, he takes it as a yes and does it anyway. That's why I'm saying he's controlling

Some people have very low thresholds for what they believe to be emotional abuse these days. Heaven forbid they ever experience the actual thing.

This is just the same shit that every person involved in an acrimonious split goes through, OP.
Difference being, most have the ability to know what they have to do to solve it. And it's not using the Police as a pawn so you can get free legal aid.

Set up proper contact arrangements.
Problem solved.

You agree contact between you in writing and stick to your side of it. Who cares want he wants past that? It doesn't mean you have to agree.

Why do you need a solicitor to go to court? Write a position statement and represent yourself

@BobbyBlueCat
He is abusive
You don't know
He was emotionally abusive and used to hit me a lot when he was living here so don't start spouting that I'm making it up. Victim blaming quite clearly!!!

You are in a horrible situation. Not sure why you are getting a hard time. It's not right he thinks he can just show up when he wants and for you to work around him

If he is abusive to the point of you fearing him or he's abusive in front of kids then call the NCDV and have them arrange for an emergency Non Molestation Injunction. This will prevents him from contacting you or the kids and the chances are, after the order has been issued (without him present, he will then be served the order in person) they will give you a date next month to return to court - both of you - then they will put a contact order in place. Won't cost you anything.

Don't lie about the abuse though as it will come out

no wait! you already said that you wouldn't report domestic violence if there wasnt any and now your saying he used to hit you ? I'm starting to think that maybe it's you that's not looking after the kids properly and maybe hes trying to make sure his kids are ok ! something about the way you come across does not sit right

Op, that’s why you need the courts to sort this out.
Police are only interested in any crime, who has parental responsibility, any access agreement and court orders. Anything else, the police can’t influence who is being awkward.

I told my @bethg21 my kids are perfectly looked after thank you
Nothing to be worried about in my parenting

@BobbyBlueCat has nailed it. I'm sorry OP but you sound like you need to grow and parent the fuck up.

I would never make up 'physical abuse' at all! But he is emotionally abusive. And controlling
He was emotionally abusive and used to hit me a lot

Which is it?

I think what the OP meant, is he wanted to pick the kids up from home, not from school. So she had to drop everything and get back. Is that right, @inthedarkX?