To phone police for abuse?

[inthedarkX]

Last week ex told me he would come see baby today whilst other kids are in school, I agreed. Then he cancelled on me this week saying he's busy with his gf. So I said ok. Then my friend invited me and my children to her house straight after school after school as her primary school children go to same school as my primary school kids . My older children who are in high school were meant to meet me at my friends after they finished after school club. ( they know where it is as we've done this before and bus stop near her house)
Anyway he text me 'I'm at xxxxxx and xxxxxx school picking them up. I told him no we have plans and he had 0 plans to pick the kids up or even come over!!! Anyway he picked them up and a lot of commotion was caused and I ended up having to go home. And our night cancelled! He then text me calling me evil saying I'm stopping him seeing kids coz I wouldn't let him in to see them baby!
That's not the cAse
He then sends me a 'meme' saying baby mamas are spiteful That they can't have you back a baby mother world with you and is consistent
So what he's saying is I have to put my life on hold for him to turn up whenever he wishes!!!
Then I thought let's see if his gf is busy because I think he only wanted to come coz she's busy ! So one look at her Facebook profile with her story has public she's busy with her family ! So he only wanted to come coz she's busy and ruin my plans
Am I being unreasonable to report him for this as it's just abuse now!

Set out the rules for contact. If he doesn't agree, take it to court.

You only need £215 to get this sorted in court. You download form C100, complete it and pay the fee. If you don't have it, do what you can to borrow it. If you're on a low income you may be able to get the costs of mediation covered, or you may decide against mediation.

Court doesn't need to be expensive and it will give you both a schedule to stick to.

He's been emotionally abusive towards me throughout our marriage and yet you continued to have kids with him!! What will happen to your kids OP? How will they deal with all of this shite as adults?

If your children are at risk from any abuse or are witnessing abuse then can their schools help you at all, there shouldnt be arguments at the school gates and arrangements can be made that they are picked up by nominated people only. It sounds very difficult but you need to try and get this sorted for all your sakes, especially the childrens. Are you married to this man? Do you have any family,y support.

and we wonder why are police are stretched and cannot deal with proper crime, and be there for real victims!!!!

@fairlyplump and who is to say I'm not a real victim of domestic abuse? Just because you hear only a snippet of things on here? I've been in contact with woman's aid and they agree he's abusive

Don’t answer your phone to him if he calls for them. If he shows up and they want to go with him then let them.

So were you intending to report the historical physical abuse to the police or this non event today?

@Nicknacky I wanted to report all the abuse it just today's event ! To all you, it looks like he's just a man who wants to see his kids but because I know who he is it's just a way for him to stop himself feeling guilty for the times he's cancelled on the kids and he uses every tactic to make it look like I've stopped him seeing them. He called me a retard, Moron, and a lunatic in the car to my older girls just because I wouldn't let him pick me and my other children up and drop me off!! It wasn't just a case of him wanting to pick kids up, he wanted to see the others who where with me and wanted me to go in car to be dropped off !! He wanted to see the others but we had plans and he didn't make it known to me he wanted to see kids today
That's why I think he's in the wrong

Sounds like a difficult situation. Could you tell him that you need 24 hr notice. It's not right that you have to cancel plans for his convenience whenever he fancies it.

Not sure why people are being nasty on here. Maybe get this moved to the relationship section, not so many cunts on there!

I can't see why anybody would put up with this, it is a well known tactic to use the kids to continue to control the spouse.

OP I think you should hide this thread. You have been in touch with Womens Aid previously so speak to them again. If you want to post online netmums have someone from Womens Aid on their forum who can respond. I suspect you will get more support there.

@inthedarkX I'm coming at you as a victim of horrific DV. I know what you're saying, but why are you still doing as he says?

It's a flat NO! The children live with you, he arranges to see them. If he pulls a stunt like that again, then tell him to go to court for contact! Take back control.....

@Inconspicuousname thank you
I'm sorry to hear what you have been through, I hope your away from it now. I do try to stand up to him and I have done it a lot of times but im always scared of the aftermath of not doing what he wants. He calls me names if I don't allow him to come when he wants. He calls me a chav, a moron, and angry woman, a retard. If I don't do what he wants I'm the spiteful one!

Both of you grow the fuck up

I really don’t mean to add to your misery but this happened to me when I was really young, I split up with my boyfriend (who I was still very much in love with, he had a new girlfriend) and I gave birth to our new baby. I allowed him to see the baby whenever he wanted and set no boundaries because I didn’t want to be difficult. Is it possible you’re still in love with your ex partner? I’m a long time lurker and all your posts seem to be about him. He’s moved on and has a new life now and you just need to accept that yes he has a new woman in his life who means a lot to him and it might seem like the kids no longer come first because as you stated he only sees them when his gf is busy but feel grateful that he does make an effort to see them. You need to focus on you and your kids. Stop thinking about the past and whatever has happened back there (abuse etc) start by writing out days he can have contact and tell him it’s that or he can choose his own days. With the house situation it does sound like YOU let him speak to you however he wants he’s patronising you by telling you to behave?? Are you 12?? For him to be rewarding you with good behaviour. Start acting like an adult for the sake of your kids they need their parents to make a good upbringing for them which it doesn’t sound like they’re getting now with the alleged abuse and constant rows

Are you Vicky Pollard ??

You will not get anywhere ‘reporting’ him to the police. He hasn’t committed a crime, and tbh you sound like you’re being deliberately obtuse - what about you both putting the children first instead of trying to use the police to get him a conviction of DA.

My husband works in the DA unit in our local force. He is snowed under with shite parents like this who can’t grow the fuck up, use contraception and behave like a civilised human being. Honestly, a waste of time and horrifically stretched resources. Custody battle by police. They all get NFA’d, but they all have to be responded to because someone cries DA. Taking away resources from many genuine victims living in fear.

You disgust me, OP.

@inthedarkX it's easy to say ignore him when he's obviously had an emotional control over you. But he doesn't have that now, what can his words do? You're none of those things right!?

My ex tried to kill me, no joke. He held a knife to my throat and I was on the phone to the police screaming, trying to fend him off. I tell you this to show you the extremes of the violence I suffered, but I see him now and the power is mine. He has no control anymore, because I don't allow it. F him and what he wants, it's about what your children want and need.

His words are nothing to you now. Show him that and put your foot down!

And you disgust me for assuming I'm not a sufferer of domestic abuse because you've seen one thread!

@Bunnyfuller how do you know that I don't live in fear?

How can he be blackmailing you for something you don’t actually want?!

You, young lady, are pissed off he’s moved on with new GF and are being awkward and trying to get back at him.

Bloody hell. God forbid you actually had problems not created by yourself.

@Bunnyfuller he met this gf whilst still with me, married to me and living with me.saw her behind my back.. then left me for her so I'm sorry I'm not over the moon for him

Your thread is titled ‘should I call police for abuse’ your OP then talks Vicky Pollard style about a thoroughly immature non-event bickering over him seeing his children. That is not DA, and you do a disservice to those on this site who have been/are going through DA.

You do not need a police car out on blues to report historic domestic abuse. Ring 101 in the morning if you wish to make such an allegation. Even your manner in responding to people here is confrontational and disjointed, I really hope your children don’t witness these incidents between you and your Ex. Poor kids.

If you were in actual fear of this person, you would be doing your best to protect yourself and your children ie. court...

Speaking as someone who has suffered actual horrific physical and emotional abuse from my child's father, I find your blasé attitude quite puzzling...

If you aren't happy, get a court order.

You don’t have to be over the moon. You have to be a rational and reasoned woman who holds her head up, retains the higher ground and does NOT use access to children as a stick to punish him for wandering.

Personally, as he was so abusive I would have thought you would exactly be over the moon - it’s unusual to get away from such a person by them just leaving. Be the adult you want your kids to become. Dignity - you have the rest of your life in front of you.

”he met this gf whilst still with me, married to me and living with me.saw her behind my back.. then left me for her so I'm sorry I'm not over the moon for him“

Very clearly you wasn’t meant to be..move on and put your kids first and stop ranting about him on mumsnet. I wish someone was around to give me a kick up the backside and in a few years you’ll regret putting your selfish needs and wants before your kids. Calling you a chav isn’t the end of the world. This is no where near abuse, you’re just being a bit silly I feel like you came here to get the whole “oh op how sad for you” cheating isn’t illegal, falling in love with someone else isn’t illegal trying to have a relationship with your kids when there’s nothing like a court order stopping you also isn’t illegal.