To phone police for abuse?

[inthedarkX]

Last week ex told me he would come see baby today whilst other kids are in school, I agreed. Then he cancelled on me this week saying he's busy with his gf. So I said ok. Then my friend invited me and my children to her house straight after school after school as her primary school children go to same school as my primary school kids . My older children who are in high school were meant to meet me at my friends after they finished after school club. ( they know where it is as we've done this before and bus stop near her house)
Anyway he text me 'I'm at xxxxxx and xxxxxx school picking them up. I told him no we have plans and he had 0 plans to pick the kids up or even come over!!! Anyway he picked them up and a lot of commotion was caused and I ended up having to go home. And our night cancelled! He then text me calling me evil saying I'm stopping him seeing kids coz I wouldn't let him in to see them baby!
That's not the cAse
He then sends me a 'meme' saying baby mamas are spiteful That they can't have you back a baby mother world with you and is consistent
So what he's saying is I have to put my life on hold for him to turn up whenever he wishes!!!
Then I thought let's see if his gf is busy because I think he only wanted to come coz she's busy ! So one look at her Facebook profile with her story has public she's busy with her family ! So he only wanted to come coz she's busy and ruin my plans
Am I being unreasonable to report him for this as it's just abuse now!

I'm sorry you're getting a hard time here OP.

As others have pointed out, you do need to set up proper contact arrangements for when your ex sees the baby etc You can contact Gingerbread for advice on how to sort that out and, if you're not entitled to legal aid, they can signpost you.

Keep all copies of his texts, memes etc in order to build evidence and log all instances like this. Communicate via email so you have a paper trail.

For legal guidance and advice you can contact Rights of Women. You need to call the Family Law advice clinic. Details on their website.

Victim blaming, OP? No. Because you would need to be a genuine victim for that. And I don't believe you are.
Your posts are contradictory and very disingenuous.
And rather the drip-feed here too, don't you think?

If you didn't phone the police at the time these 'alleged' violent issues happened, then what do you think will happen now you are just reporting him picking his own children up from school and coming to the house to see them (without a contact order so he's no reason not to)?

You didn't report violence or controlling behaviour at the time, despite this meaning your children were exposed to abuse and harm yet are happy to report it now that it means you get a freebie?
Not on.

You're drip feeding now.

Tonight's specific incident does not count as emotional abuse.
As a PP said, start documenting dates and incidents and there maybe a case of emotional abuse but as it stands tonight I would say he was awkward and causing an issue but not to the extent the police could do anything.

Tell him when he can have the children. Which days. Which over nights. Tell him pick up times. Have them available at that time. If he doesnt show up at the fight time, go out as normal.

If he wants them at different times he can go to court.

You don’t do what he says by saying no surely.

Him ‘are you at home, I want to see the kids’
You ‘no, I am out’
Him ‘I’m coming to the house you can’t stop me seeing the kids’
You ‘that’s fine, as I said I’m out so if you want to waste your time coming over for us to not be in then that’s up to you’

Today’s thing

Him ‘I’m going to pick the kids up from club’
You ‘that’s fine, drop them to xx house when you are finished’
Him ‘why are you stopping me seeing the other kids’
You ‘I’m not, we already have plans, we are out. You cancelled yesterday’s arrangement. I’m happy to sort another day with you’

I haven’t been in this situation so I am speaking without any knowledge, but sometimes I wonder why people have to have so much control either way over their kids? If you are doing nothing and he wants to see the kids then let him see them, don’t argue for the sake of arguing. If you are busy on a day he randomly rocks up then say it’s not convenient. If you are the residential parent and he keeps the kids beyond agreement to spite you then pre-empt it and ask womens refuge or citizen advice now where you stand in terms of getting the kids back.
He might only want to see the kids when it fits in with his GF schedule but it’s up to you to either facilitate it or not if you are busy or not

Ok @BobbyBlueCat
How would you feel if a man blackmailed you for months saying
'If you behave and keep your cool and let me see the kids when it suits me then I might let you live in my house when i buy it and you can pay me rent'

How would you feel if that was said to to you hmmm?

This is abuse yes

Go through courts and get a child contact arrangement.

That will stop him pissing about !

Also as of now, cut contact with him unless through solicitor

That's not blackmail, OP. That's just again being a twat.
You just say "I don't want to live in your house, thank you".

If he's so abusive, why are you keen to do this anyway?
His house that he WILL be able to walk in whenever he wants.
Most 'victims' wouldn't even contemplate that idea.

So tell him you don’t need or want to rent his house. You have split up, of course you aren’t getting on. Just sort out contact and don’t correspond with each other.

You didn’t answer my question. What do you expect the police to do?

@BobbyBlueCat I never said I was! I would never do that ever as if I would walk back into his life and control no way

If you behave and keep your cool and let me see the kids when it suits me then I might let you live in my house when i buy it and you can pay me rent

This isn’t blackmail. You can just say no.
Blackmail is ‘if you don’t do as you are told then I’m going to email out your nudes etc (if he did this then it would also fall as revenge porn)

You need to stop giving this man power and be more assertive if something doesn’t suit you/your timings

**How would you feel if a man blackmailed you for months saying
'If you behave and keep your cool and let me see the kids when it suits me then I might let you live in my house when i buy it and you can pay me rent'

How would you feel if that was said to to you hmmm?**

I would never contemplate moving into a house that someone who was physically abusive owned. That’s not blackmail.
What happened today isn’t abusive.
To consider getting the police involved today is just silly.

Not blackmail. I would say no and get my own place.

@Rose789 I would never do that ever

Tell him you dont want to live in his house

@inthedarkX, if you're not even considering moving in to his house, then your idea that this is blackmail is even MORE ridiculous. You've no reason to 'behave' or let him see his kids whenever is convenient for him because you don't want the reward he is offering.
So just say no!

OP, pretty much everybody on here is telling you that you are being ridiculous. Yet you are still adamant you are a victim here.
I suggest you take some of what is being said on board and look at how to 'adult' a bit more effectively without needing other people to fix your life for you.

And leave the police to deal with people who are genuinely being abused.

@BobbyBlueCat like I've already stated how can you work with someone who is being difficult
He doesn't want proper contact just contact on a whim
When his gf is busy

Where do you and dc live now. Can you just ask him not to come over because you might be out. Its best if you keep text simple with just dates and times. Dont wait in for him. Dont look up his gf fb page. Contact the agencies posters have suggested.

Oh my goodness @inthedarkX how hard is it to write to him with;

Dear ex,

Given the issues regarding contact and the impact that the current sporadic arrangements are having on them. I am writing to propose that all contact is structured going forward.

I suggest that contact takes plane on the following days and times:

List them!

I will be informing the school of the new arrangements, to ensure that the children have consistency and are aware of which parent will be collecting them.

Regards

In other news, it's not a police matter and making it one is a joke! Put your kids first and stop playing games with this man.

If he doesn't like the arrangements, he can apply to court. And for further info, you can apply to the court yourself. You don't need a solicitor or legal aid, get a mckenzie friend!

Place not plane

So tell him from now on his contact is every second weekend or whatever. Take back control and set the contact that YOU want and works for the children. Or if it generally suits to do as and when, then continue and don’t moan about it.

If you “would never ever do that” then how is it blackmail? Not being goody I genuinely don’t understand. That’s like my dp saying if you do the dishes and all the cleaning all week I’ll let you stroke my tarantula when I buy it. Ummm no thanks you lunatic.

Omg what a horrible thread.

OP sorry this happened today, likely upset the kids too.

No advice but big hugs