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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He has disappeared

143 replies

Sosounhappy · 19/01/2020 09:02

Been seeing somebody since May. Seeing him twice a week. Last saw him on Thursday. Said catch up soon no arguments. Normally messages everyday. No contact since Thursday and ignored my messages yesterday. What would you do?

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 19/01/2020 09:03

Send a final message along the lines of “lack of contact unlike you, I’m starting to get concerned about you - is everything alright?”

If no response, time to move on.

Doyoumind · 19/01/2020 09:03

Do you think he's ignoring you or are you worried something has happened to him?

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 19/01/2020 09:07

I suppose a bit of both. Have had my suspicions that he is married though

OP posts:
Original poster
Sosounhappy · 19/01/2020 09:12

It is the not knowing to be honest if he said it was over it would be easier

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 19/01/2020 09:12

What makes you think that?

Bluemascara4 · 19/01/2020 09:19

Why do you think he's married OP?

This happened to me many years ago. Was seeing a guy for around six months . All was good, normal messages then just vanished with £500 of my money .

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 19/01/2020 09:30

Prefers to come to to me never stays the night

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 19/01/2020 09:32

It is the not knowing to be honest if he said it was over it would be easier

So take control, tell him it’s over. Why wait for him to make the decisions?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 19/01/2020 09:34

If you have suspicions he may be married it's time to walk away - you don't need to know why or understand the reasons for his silence, you just need to value yourself enough to waste no more time on someone who doesn't value you.

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 19/01/2020 09:37

You are right. Just a bit shocked to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
Sosounhappy · 19/01/2020 09:50

Ok message sent. I am in tears

OP posts:
Pilot12 · 19/01/2020 09:54

You've been seeing a man twice a week for seven months and you've never seen where he lives? You have sex then he leaves, never staying the night? I bet you've never met his friends or family either?

You never thought to question this sooner? You need to wake up, get some self esteem and find yourself a proper boyfriend - that's what he should be after seven months together.

Sunsetandmoonlight · 19/01/2020 09:58

Ring him? Knock his door?

PegasusReturns · 19/01/2020 10:00

It sounds very much like he’s married. Sorry.

Bluntness100 · 19/01/2020 10:02

What do you mean "prefers" to come to you? Have you been to his home? Met his friends and family? Do you go on dates in public?

nameymcnamechangeagain · 19/01/2020 10:02

What a prick. That is all

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 19/01/2020 10:11

He lives 50 miles away and offers to drive to me. Been to his home once very briefly. Yes been out in public near me. Met one friend

OP posts:
anotherdisaster · 19/01/2020 10:14

Blimey, have you not thought to ask him why he never stays over? I’d be demanding an answer to that. Sounds like he has taken the piss for a few months. Try to move on now and learn from this.

PicsInRed · 19/01/2020 10:15

I wonder that was even his home?

His friend may be tolerant of the shagging around and they could meet each other's OW.

He sounds very married.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 19/01/2020 10:15

You're the ow hes likely married or in a long term relationship with a family.

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 19/01/2020 10:16

I did question it he starts work early etc etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Sosounhappy · 19/01/2020 10:17

If he is married his wife needs to know

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/01/2020 10:18

Do you not have access to his social media?

Bluntness100 · 19/01/2020 10:19

And didn't you think she needed to know before? Why does she suddenly need to know now he's ended it but didn't before?

JacquesHammer · 19/01/2020 10:19

If he is married his wife needs to know

Not your business. Focus on you, recover and move on.