I knew I was being cheated on by my ex-H but chose to ignore it. He travelled a lot internationally with work. I knew there would be temptations as he was an attractive and powerful man. Whereas I was a mum at home with two small children. I just asked that he didn't, out of a guilty conscience, feel he had to confess anything to me. I didn't want to know.
Although that seemed like a good plan to get through those difficult years of having young children and his being away a lot ultimately it meant we grew apart and became emotionally distanced from each other.
Then I met someone who I became emotionally involved with - as soon as it became obvs that we wanted it to be more than a friendship and this was a threat to my marriage, contrary to what I had asked my DH to do, I was honest and told him.
He took it badly and we entered a period where he decided not to travel so much, scaled back his work, took a role that meant he was based in the EU, and kept close tabs on me etc. But it was too late - my heart and mind were elsewhere by then.
We entered a miserable time when all I wanted was to be with the other person.
Sometimes I think I should have lived by my own doctrine but, ironically, I felt it was important to be honest about my feelings.
He knew my heart wasn't wasn't with him anymore, there were no screaming rows, just many heart-to-hearts, apologies and tears. It was a terribly sad time. He suggested an open marriage but where we were honest and open (as the not being honest and open hadn't worked) but that wasn't what I wanted - I just wanted to be with the other person I was in love with.
I then found out that he was sleeping with one of his co-workers. A young high-flyer with the company. I understood why but what annoyed me was when I gently asked him (no judgement) about it he didn't deny but refused to discuss it. Stormed off in a huff.
Eventually he left the marital home and moved abroad. It was a huge relief. I am now married to the person I fell in love with and he is in a committed relationship with someone else (not the high-flyer).
I do regret the hurt and I regret the breakdown of our little family - although new partner is a brilliant step-parent and helped me raise the children like their own. I tried to handle a very difficult situation as best as I could at the time.
My ex and I are friends now and in fact recently went out for dinner with our 'new' partners (although I've been with mine 13 years and he's been with his for 9 now so hardly new anymore), our now grown-up children and some mutual friends.
People will always have affairs, I knew that when I got married - people will always cheat, it's a fact of life and has happened since the beginning of time. In a way the physical act of him sleeping elsewhere didn't bother me but what ultimately broke us up was how we became emotionally distanced from each other.