Do I expect too much?

[Lcjams]

So me and my boyfriend have been together for about 15 months. He is part of a local cricket club and had to buy flowers for some of the WAGS that help out in the club (doing teas, cleaning,etc)
He took £50 out of the club money to buy these and went to the florist to get 5 bouquets.
I didn't know he was doing this and when i went round to his house questioned the flowers. He explained and i joked where was my bunch from him. He wasnt happy about this off the cuff comment and said he only had the exact amount, flourist didnt accept card payment and i shouldn't expect flowers from him anyway.
In the whole time we've been together he has only bought me flowers once when it was my birthday. He drives past said florist every day on his way home from work and never thinks to buy me any. He even dropped some off as a surprise outside one of the other cricket WAGS workplace because she couldnt attend the actual ceremony where they all received them. I would love to be surprised with him standing with flowers at my work!!!

Am i just young and naive (25yrs) to think a boyfriend should buy flowers randomly for his girl? My dad buys my mum flowers every other month or so and has done for the last 30 years. Do i expect too much?

5 bouquets for £50 from a florist? Hive me their number!

Joking aside, I think what your DF does for DM is exceptional. I've very rarely got them either. It doesnt really bother me but i can see it bothers you.

What's the rest of your relationship like?

You said you asking where your bunch is was a joke but judging by the rest of your post, it wasn't.

I don't think you should expect flowers for any reason really. Yes it'd be a nice surprise but you're expecting him to be overly romantic (surprising you at work would be the cringiest thing ever) and he doesn't sound like that's very 'him'.

Are you happy with him?

'WAGS' oh dear

I'm conjuring up scores of hanging on girlfriends scrubbing the club house and then simpering happily as they are handed a bouquet each for a tenner, Blimey they must be scanty blooms

He seems to care more about his image to these others, than the odd treat for you.

Perhaps he thinks you should be there too, slicing sandwiches and cleaning the place.

I think you are being a bit unfair tbh!

My boyfriend has bought me flowers once on valentines day, and tbh I haven’t given it an extra thought! Has it bothered you before or is it just because you were left out this time? You sound a bit jealous

'WAGS' is just wives and girlfriends - why are you offended by that @MarthasGinYard?

Ah yes he must be a raving sexist

Thank you so much

I'm aware what 'WAGS' are

And still entitled to my opinion

You are expecting him to be someone other than he is, and that will always set you up for disappointment in a relationship. If you're not happy with what he does, or doesn't do, for you, then find someone who meets your requirements.

Yeah I asked why you were offended, not that your opinion was wrong...

Have you organized surprises for him ?

Where is this florist? £10? I don't think so.

But yes, why does buying you flowers = he loves you?

What other things does he do that shows he cares about you? I have been with Dh for well over 20 years, I believe he has bought me flowers twice or three times. But he does make me cups of tea all the time, listens when I talk and then buy small gifts like a new phone case, makes dinner, happily, and he de-ices my car whilst his demists inside.

None of these things are flowers but do show that he loves and cares for me.

How does he benefit your life?

Most men do not give flowers unless prompted. They rarely give gifts outside birthdays and Christmas. They are basically not gift orientated unless they are gay or exceptional.

I love getting flowers from DH. He almost NEVER EVER buys them. I don't get upset. Getting flowers is not a "must" in a relationship. It's a "as an individual it's something I'd quite like." So respect, trust, love etc etc are all musts but things like this that are personal preferences may or may not work out with both of you on the same page, but may not.

Also, I have always HATED people who have flowers delivered to my work or turn up standing outside. My parents, bless them, have sent me flowers at work a few times and it's so sweet but it makes me want to cringe and die. So really, the fact that you want it doesn't mean it's a normal thing for everyone.

How does he benefit your life?

Really?!!

I've been with DP for 4 years and he's never once bought me flowers. That doesn't bother me and certainly doesn't give anyone else the right to criticise our relationship!

OP - your expectations seem a bit high, but understandably due to what your DF does. IMO one of the biggest relationship issues is when expectations are not conveyed to the 'other half' but the poor swine is still expected to live up to them! If flowers are a necessity for you, you need to find someone who understands this.

Here's some to be going on with

I don't think the buying of flowers is a measure of whether someone loves you, nor is it the measure of a good relationship.

Sounds like he was tasked with buying these flowers by his club, it was a duty and he did it.

He doesn't/shouldn't have the same duty as part of your relationship. If it's really that important to you and he's not going to do it spontaneously you either have to be the nagging girlfriend (whom nobody wants to be), accept it based on the remainder of your relationship or move on.

Sorry OP, I think you're being unreasonable.

Do you buy him little gifts spontaneously? It honestly would not occur to me to do this for someone and DH has never done it for me. I think yabu.

I think flowers now and then is really thoughtful, I'm with you on this

@Bluewater1 how often is 'now and then'? Because he's bought her flowers once in 15 months and now she's playing up because he bought them for someone else and not her.

And she says she was joking but then goes on to complain that he regularly goes past the florists...

DP buys me flowers just because and yes its lovely but it's not the indicator of whether he loves me. The fact he takes the kids to school when I'm tired , remembered my favourite pillow when we visited his family, knows that I always forget to make myself a coffee before a conference call so brings me one and places it so my clients cant see him.....that shows me he loves me.

Flowers are great and I dont think its naive but look at what he does do. If he makes the effort in other ways then dont be picky about flowers, if it's an indicator of a wider issue of not showing you he cares then yanbu.

My DH won't buy flowers - but he does do all the tech stuff that I hate (buying phones cloud whatnot, updates, making the effing printer link) and I decided years ago to take the willingness to do techie stuff for my benefit instead of flowers - and buy my own

My ex bought me lots of flowers even whilst he was cheating on me. I know what I prefer.

I was with my XP for eight years. When we first met I said that I loved having flowers in the house. He said (in a rather moody way) 'I suppose that means I have to buy you flowers!' I said no, that I buy flowers for myself because I love having them around in the house.

He never bought me flowers once in eight years. But that was because he was tight as the proverbial. And would say 'oh, I didn't know what to get you' for Christmas/birthday presents and would buy something desperately cheap. When he could have just bought me a nice bunch of flowers!

Is it symptomatic of your relationship as a whole, OP?

Check out ‘The 5 Love Languages’. It sounds like you have mismatched ideas about how to show love. It’s not fatal to a relationship, but you’ll both have to spend a little time and care adapting to each other’s style.

Keep in mind that you’ve also been fairly conditioned by how your parents dealt with the ‘love language’ and deep symbolism of flowers. It may well be that you actually prefer another gesture. But you’re also allowed to ask/suggest for the gestures that mean the most to you and someone who cares enough would listen.

Giving flowers is not obligatory. Making you feel cherished in ways that speak to you is.

Oh for crying out loud, some people will always find something to complain about. In the nicest possible way OP, get a grip!

OP have you ever bought him flowers? If you haven't then why do you expect any?

He was buying flowers using club money as thank-you gifts for people who help out at the club. Would you buy him a gift if you were out buying one for somebody else’s birthday or leaving do? If you wouldn’t, I can’t see why you’d expect him to do so for you in this context.

Flowers are nice, but they’re also meaningless. The CEO of my workplace takes flowers home for his wife regularly. She’s probably thrilled and boasts how thoughtful he is. In reality, his PA remembers to buy them, chooses them and sends him out the door with them.