Help! Discovered another woman!

[2senoughforme]

I have found two lipsticks in my husband’s car. Side pocket. Passenger seat. The first one I found he froze and acted strangely and completely refused to discuss it. He kept this up and acted strangely. Our kids were in the car. I thought it was a weird wind up ( he can be a bit strange in his humour.)
Second one found last night. Shit. What do I do? He doesn’t know about this one. I can only think of one possible person.
Any advice gratefully received. I’m stunned.
I think he will refuse to discuss it.
We have had marriage probs and are not in a good place.
😳🤷‍♀️🤯🤔😢

Someone has left them for you to find them, to force a confrontation. My guess would be that something had been going on for a long time and he's promised to tell you and reneged on it again and again, hence her leaving something for you to find. Because actually when you think about it, why wouldn't you just put your lipstick back in your bag? Who would leave a lipstick in someone else's car? What would be the point unless it's to give someone a strong message?

You could hold fire for a bit and do some investigation if you have the stomach to.

I'm so sorry, it's such a horrible situation.

Strange you found two lipsticks..any chance someone has planted them intentionally for you to find...i dont think i need state the obvious..give yourself a chance to get your head around this then work out your next move..be prepared for lies so best go with gut..sorry your going through this

If you have a bit of spare money, I'd go for a private detective on this one.

What s his mobile phone behaviour like?

Definitely left deliberately, could they be your DHs

Its been left there on purpose.

Dont say anything. She will try harder or he will show more weird behaviour.

Bide your time

She's probably asked him to leave you and is being sneaky by forcing your hand. Put it back where you found it so she doesn't know you have. Keep your cards close to your chest. Don't let on that you know for now. He will undoubtedly drop himself in it at some point. Look at other threads on this on here. Usual stuff like get your finances in order check his phone and computer history etc. Sorry OP but doesn't look good. Sounds like you know who it is anyway. For you

Tarscout goodness didn't occur to me but then why in the passenger side? Are you thinking cross dressing?

Those were all my thoughts. Yikes. The only person it can be is someone in his office.
I found the first 6 months ago 😳🤔 it was still there. I was thinking tracker on his car

Thanks for your kind words ladies. Shit. Shit shit

Start making an exit plan

Do you have any thoughts on how to get a PI anyone? Thanks

Mobile behaviour is innocent - leaves phone around so I think it must be someone he works with.
Or have a second phone

They were put there for you to find them. In all my years I've never left a lipstick in a car.

Can you tell him you know who it is and see what he says?

Really sure there’s no cross dressing. It’s a woman

If you can get into his phone without him knowing, check out all the texts even if they're under dad or a male friend's name as a cover. Check for messaging apps hidden behind buttons that look like other apps. Look in deleted emails/photos etc.

Which area are you in?

Could do but what then? I’m trying to stay cool

Being vague here ... Midlands

Blimey - messaging apps?! Like what ?

I Suspect someone wants to force his hand and he’s doing nothing. That’s his style, he’s a bit passive and I don’t think he wants it over because of finances

Thanks ladies it’s really nice to have support. Can’t tell many friends obvs as people all let something slip

The only time I ever put anything in the side bit on the door is in my own car when dh is driving and in my dads car if I dont have my bag with me.

Why would anyone leave a lipstick in someones side pocket. Why would she even do her lipstick in his car. If you think it's someone at work maybe they go for "lunch" in the car and she fixes her make up before going back in and has left that there for you to find.

Just google private detectives in your area. Pay in cash if you have a shared bank account obviously. And if I'd maybe start taking out an extra amount of cash back every time you go to the supermarket now to start saving it up to pay. So he doesnt query a large debit at once.

Nothing practical to add, but wanted to say that I feel for you. It's a dreadful feeling.

If you find anything, photograph or with your own phone.
If you have a joint account, start buying expensive things you won't be able to afford when you divorce to get a stockpile together. Pay for groceries with your joint debit card and get 20 quid or so cashback each time. You have to declare cash over £500 so give it to someone you trust to return it to you afterwards.
Get the Chumplady book/audiobook. It's fantastic and the best advice.