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Original poster

Help! Discovered another woman!

108 replies

2senoughforme · 11/01/2020 21:23

I have found two lipsticks in my husband’s car. Side pocket. Passenger seat. The first one I found he froze and acted strangely and completely refused to discuss it. He kept this up and acted strangely. Our kids were in the car. I thought it was a weird wind up ( he can be a bit strange in his humour.)
Second one found last night. Shit. What do I do? He doesn’t know about this one. I can only think of one possible person.
Any advice gratefully received. I’m stunned.
I think he will refuse to discuss it.
We have had marriage probs and are not in a good place.
😳🤷‍♀️🤯🤔😢

OP posts:
potbellend · 12/01/2020 00:02

Yes nothing to obvious at this stage just lots of investigation.

I would get into his phone ASAP for apps / emails.

namechange1041 · 12/01/2020 00:03

I know they sell mini recording devices on places like Amazon, I don't know how good they are but I've considered it in the past.
Some will just record sound and some will do video and sound. They are really small and easily hidden. X

elmosducks · 12/01/2020 00:04

Does he have previous?

IdiotInDisguise · 12/01/2020 00:08

I would understand one lipstick leftover might be an accident, two is someone trying to get you to kick him out. The fact that she needs such artifice makes me think he still cares more for you than her.

Use that to your advantage and do not play into her hands(ie.kicking him out straight into her arms). Take the high moral ground, have a serious talk with him and tell him you need to know everything so you can make a decision on whether you want to stay, and demand for him to stop seeing her straight away. If he is not sure of he goes to the sofa or the spare room while you put your ducks in a row and decide whether YOU want to save the relationship or let him go.

Guiltypleasures001 · 12/01/2020 00:08

If he has sat nav, check the address he goes to most, or if there is a consistent trail

IdiotInDisguise · 12/01/2020 00:11

Yes to the sat nav or google maps history. Check his phone too, to many out of hours calls to a male only means she is listed under a male name.

bank100 · 12/01/2020 01:11

Has he been unfaithful previously? If so did he come clean about it?
Or is he type to lie and lie until the cows come home.

Original poster
2senoughforme · 12/01/2020 02:54

I think it’s a work colleague who he sees every day.

OP posts:
Original poster
2senoughforme · 12/01/2020 02:56

He’s the boss - his business

OP posts:
SaintGarbo · 12/01/2020 06:07

He talked about an open marriage? Kinda says it all really.

Get a cheap phone and track his car. If you do get to look at his phone and he has google maps you can look in 'your timeline' (top left drop down facility).

HugeAckmansWife · 12/01/2020 06:17

As a pp said, unless you think he's going to deny it in divorce proceedings, why bother.. You know this is over. However, if he owns his own business its notoriously messy to get a fair financial settlement as he can do all kinds of things to hide assets, show a reduced income for maintenance purposes etc so I would focus on gathering as much financial info as you are able to. What is your own financial position?

Fochit · 12/01/2020 08:02

Do you know for sure it’s his work colleague?

I’m so sorry 💐
How do you feel about it? Sorry if that’s a strange question. Are you devastated or is it more an inconvenience and surprise?

Fannybaws52 · 12/01/2020 08:11

Go see a solicitor first! The dividends and hidden assets need to be discussed so you dont shoot yourself in the foot.

ChateauMyself · 12/01/2020 08:27

I agree with Fanny - as he has his own business & the OW could possibly be an employee, you need specialist advice.

The OW could argue unfair dismissal (if it gets nasty), which will be expensive in terms of legal fees and payoff (from the business), which then could possibly affect your divorce terms. Especially if the business is not a limited company.

litterbird · 12/01/2020 08:51

He mentioned you having an open marriage before Christmas.....there it is in black and white. Job done, you know what this is all about. Stop snooping around, get it out in the open and deal with it now. Sit him down and talk. He will deny no doubt but its then open for discussion. He has checked out of the marriage and wants other women....always listen to what they tell you...he wants an open marriage....loosely translated....I want to sleep around and have lots of fun with other women but keep you in the house all nice an comfortable and do my washing and cleaning and cooking whilst I still have my fun. Please OP open your eyes....this is what is going on. So sorry.

HisBetterHalf · 12/01/2020 09:15

He refuses to discuss it? That and the open marriage suggestion sort of implies you are over anyway

Fochit · 12/01/2020 09:32

Not necessarily over.

I think 2senoughforme needs to think carefully about how she feels about this and what she wants.

Original poster
2senoughforme · 12/01/2020 10:33

Good point. Shit. Shit. Shit.

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 12/01/2020 10:55

Why was an open relationship discussed? And what was your reaction at the time?
x

NomDeQwerty · 12/01/2020 11:42

Don't confront him. Get every scrap of financial information you can first. Photograph everything that you can't get paper copies of. Speak to a family law solicitor as soon as possible. If you think he wouldn't hide money or screw you over financially, you're 99% certain to be wrong about that.

justilou1 · 12/01/2020 12:35

I would definitely think a lawyer and possibly forensic accountant if he owns the business before you confront the toad

TheYearOfTheDog · 12/01/2020 12:38

He suggested an open marriage?! wow, I wouldn't waste your money on the PI.

Cut your losses.

lorettalemon · 12/01/2020 13:08

I think you're better talking to a lawyer first. It sounds like the marriage is over and if you sit down for a serious talk with him he will potentially tell you everything you want to hear and convince you it's fine then start shifting money out of the way.

filka · 12/01/2020 13:45

If you are looking for a tracker, this is a possibility:
shorturl.at/mqQ23
It plugs into the OBD port on the car, so doesn't have batteries. The OBD port is usually in a fairly obscure place underneath the dash on the passenger side. It has a SIM card which lasts a long time, and a good app that can track history including waiting times. You need to cover the three lights with some black insulating tape.

Downside is that if it is found (either STBXH tinkers with the car, or takes car to service) then it is rather obvious who must have put it there. Advantage is no batteries.

There are cheaper ones on Amazon, but that's the one I have. Search for OBD2 Tracker. BTW I'm not tracking my OH, I live abroad and we have a driver who uses the car alone sometimes.

Using another phone is also possible, but again if found you have to explain why you have a second phone. And will have to charge it up regularly. Same for any other battery-operated recording devices.

But of course you don't need to leave it there for ever, just long enough to identify the likely location of the action. So being able to follow it with a phone app is ideal.

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