Help! Discovered another woman!

[2senoughforme]

I have found two lipsticks in my husband’s car. Side pocket. Passenger seat. The first one I found he froze and acted strangely and completely refused to discuss it. He kept this up and acted strangely. Our kids were in the car. I thought it was a weird wind up ( he can be a bit strange in his humour.)
Second one found last night. Shit. What do I do? He doesn’t know about this one. I can only think of one possible person.
Any advice gratefully received. I’m stunned.
I think he will refuse to discuss it.
We have had marriage probs and are not in a good place.
😳🤷‍♀️🤯🤔😢

If he is paying you dividends then you are a shareholder of a limited company . Look up the business on companies house ( for free ) and it will tell you. You can also get the abbreviated accounts for £1.

Also you would have to declare those dividends on your tax return.

He can’t just make you a shareholder and pay you dividends without your knowledge. At least not legally . He would have to have forged your signature on several documents.

He can’t just fire (putative) OW from her job, she will have employment rights. How long has she worked for him ?

Downside is that if it is found (either STBXH tinkers with the car, or takes car to service) then it is rather obvious who must have put it there. Advantage is no batteries.

Disadvantage is, it's illegal to do this without the drivers knowledge.

Just to say, I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

I would try and come up with other options, such as he gave someone a lift home, liftshared with someone at another time .. etc .. but the fact that he refused to talk about the first one you found says it all to me.

It's like, I have a hobby and I'm always leaving things in the car of the guy who picks me up. No funny business, just that I'm on his way so he picks me and another guy up.

But in your case it unfortunately doesn't sound innocent. Not only do you have a cheating husband, but the woman he's cheating with seems intent to cause trouble.

You will get what you need from his mobile phone. You could always track him, but as mentioned this could cause legal problems.

If you're feeling 'sleuth like' there are a couple of legal things you can do to confirm your gut instinct.

1. Go onto his WhatsApp, go to start a new message and the most frequently contacted contacts appears. Look at that list, she may be under a mans name. click on each one, and if there is no history of chats for any of these then alarm bells should ring.

From there, there are a number of things you can do. Send a basic message like.. 'Hi x' and see what the reply is. Take the number and call it yourself.

1. Check the mileage on his car.. does he go away on business? check to see if this adds up, or is he staying somewhere else?

If you've got another iPhone pop it in the car and do 'find my phone' for it from your own phone at home..

I think it’s a work colleague who he sees every day.

Can you get any clue from the lipsticks themselves? Is it a lipstick shade/ colour that she wears?

Sorry to hear this, the sinking feeling is awful.

Wanted to say that PIs can get very expensive. If you know there’s highly likely to be someone else, what you do depends on whether it’s completely over for you or if you have reasons to want to work through.

I didn’t see if you’d removed the lipsticks or left them in-situ. Either way you’d like this to proceed, I believe it would be time-advantageous to you to leave the lipstick there. She might think you haven’t seen it and will do something else to make it much clearer; you would have given yourself more time to sort matters out before the talk.

The petty part of me suggests putting a pretty but non-identifiable-to-you item eg nice earring / little bottle of perfume (something that she would be flummoxed to find if she is constantly checking the pocket to see if you’ve picked up the lipstick) in the side pocket too and it might just break her stride for a while.

Ooo good idea @Puddlepop

That’s a fantastic idea Puddlepop
Make her feel like she’s not the only OW

Condom wrapper....put an empty condom wrapper in the side pocket ( although for gods sake don’t get caught with a packet of condoms with one missing by DH)

Errrr maybe ignore me. Probably more trouble than it’s worth.

I was going to suggest the same Divebar

You don't need to get any special equipment to track him, his phone is already doing it, you just need access to that data.

If he has location switched on, and uses Google products (eg gmail or chrome) you can find his location data on a map, going back years.

You don't even need to touch his phone- just be on any device where he's logged into it and go to Google timeline.

www.google.com/maps/timeline

He refuses to discuss it?!

I’d pretend I’d forgotten about it. I think trackers and PIs are going a it far.

Be all eyes and ears, but play your cards close to your chest. When you have proof, he will have to discuss it.

The phone played a big part in my discovery. (Have a rummage for any viagra/condoms. Gym bags, the car boot/glove compartment).

Only ever ask him about it face to face, so you can read his face and how he reacts.

It’s shit, it really is. But you can only move on when you know for sure, otherwise that doubt will play on your mind forever.

I would leave a dogpoo in a bag, not a condom! Fuck them both!

Sorry your going through this 💐

Dive bar that’s genius! I’ll do it! 😂
Apparently DH asked her if she left a lipstick in his car and told him I said it was a cheap one!!! No wonder she’s pissed off with me and has left a second lipstick!

Update.
I tackled him last night and he denied an affair but said that this girls husband had asked if there was anything going on as several of her friends were having affairs with their bosses.
The things I found weird were

1. They are all at it!
2. Her husband checked
3. She told my husband / her boss that.
4. While they were away she told him that one of her friends had asked if he was ‘behaving himself with her’
5. She told him.
6. DH thinks the lippy is no big deal.
7. He didn’t tell me any of this because he thought I’d create drama.
8. It did. I did look at his phone. I can’t see any apps at all on it that look dodgy.

9 my conclusion is that this girl might be stirring up trouble. DH says he has not had affair. From his WhatsApp it doesn’t look they are up to private messageing. Couldn’t find kik or telegram on there either.
I’m wondering if the lipsticks were planted by this girl to get him into trouble ... drive a wedge in. Obv she knows a lot about affairs from her friends.
He was horrified that I’d considered him cross dressing or going to prostitutes in the list of possibilities!!!!

It is all a bit weird and I’m not sure I would believe his answers but I certainly do know that many younger women have affairs with their bosses. How much younger is she?
I’m probably going against the grain here but having raised it with him and shown your hand I absolutely would go in to the office today, especially if it’s just those two. Own it!

So it's all the girls fault? Your DH is shagging another woman. You replenish lipstick after you've been snogging!

I think he's lying to you and minimising what's actually been going on. Two people have an affair. Not one person and the other is a passive recipient!

Why has she been in his car? What would she gain from stirring up trouble? Is he going to confront her?

At the very best she fancies him, he knows it and is stringing her along big time. I presume he's not telling you the whole truth.

You actually believe all that bullshit he said?

Yes, he could be lying but we don’t know that for sure.

I replenish lipstick throughout the day despite not snogging anyone.
If they’re colleagues there’s every possibility she may travel in his car.

Front them out OP.
Return that lipstick in person.

I touch up my lipstick too, but I don’t then put it in the passenger seat of my boss’ car. Twice.

If she is doing it on purpose to shit stir she must be pretty confident of her position. Don’t know that many employees who would start a random showdown with their boss and his wife just for the lol’s. Sorry but I’m not believing this for a second.

She might not be doing it to shit stir. That's just a theory. I lose things all the time. Don't wear makeup so I can't say what I'd do with lipstick, but I'm forever losing my phone / bank card etc.

Some people are just prone to losing stuff. (Loads of adults with undiagnosed ADHD about...)

Although, FWIW 2senoughforme, I don't think your DH's story sounds at all plausible. sorry.