I put myself on the line and now I’m a bit mortified. Hand hold anyone?

[SaucepanWater]

I met someone for a date on Saturday night. I liked him and instead of holding my nerve I got very, very drunk. I’m not sure it was necessarily noticeable to him that was THAT drunk, as I am not a falling over sort of drunk but I became extremely chatty (through nerves and alcohol) and I said all sorts of things that aren’t really me...flirting a bit with the barman and stuff like that. Being very over the top in general, talking about stuff and being louder than usual.

I hardly ever drink much and never get drunk on dates! All in all I was not myself and couldn’t wait to get out of there. Understandably when we said goodbye he said that it had been nice but ‘we’ probably both know there’s no connection here. And that was that.

I was so annoyed at myself for this as we’d had some nice chats leading up to the date and I really fancied him. I decided to text last night and say basically could we have a re run...I didn’t feel I was myself and that I was feeling shy so had too much to drink. I tried to make a joke out of it and said obviously no pressure but I liked him. He’s not read it yet (has read receipts on texts). I feel a bit sick for sending it! Usually I’m very confident on dates and would never behave like this.

Don’t know what I’m asking really, maybe a bit of a hand hold as I wait for the rejection text.

I wouldn't focus on what you drank, if the connection had been strong it would have come through anyway. Walk away, head high and move on.

Well you can't turn the clock back.
You've reached out and explained and if he doesn't respond or rejects you, then it's on to the next one!
You were brave to message him.

I disagree - I'd really hate it if I went on a date and they got pissed. Especially if they were flirting with the bar staff.

Honestly, OP, what did you expect him to say?

I didn’t focus completely on that in the text but just explained that maybe it would be nice to have a second date.

I feel like such an idiot. I’d not liked anyone I had dated in the last 6 months so thought I would text. Probably a silly idea.

I wasn’t full on flirting I was just not myself so very chatty with everyone really. Basically just the entire wrong impression was given.

I didn’t expect him to want another date but I did really like him so thought the text was worth it. I feel a bit sick.

Was he drunk? If not then yes he knew how drunk you were, it's always noticeable to others, and more so than to thr drunk person, who never knows just how drunk they come across ,

He may be willing to try again, you never know, but I have to be honest, for most people this is an end of the line thing.

He was a bit drunk yes.

It seems people think I shouldn’t have text then! Maybe he won’t even reply. This will teach me not to use alcohol as a confidence boost!

What's a bit drunk op? He was either drunk like you or he wasn't. I strongly suspect he wasn't.

I think it's fine to text him what you did. If he still doesn't want to meet up then no harm done.

Try to distance yourself from panicking about the outcome. I know it's mortifying but if he can't see through to the person you are deep down then it's not really worth it, is it

He’d had a similar amount to me I rarely drink. I don’t know precisely how drunk he was.

Don't worry. If he says he'll meet you it could actually be quite awkward. Each day that passes puts this further into the past. You'll meet someone else and you might even like them!

I hadn’t even thought of that actually. It would be awkward wouldn’t it. I’ve not felt like this about someone after a date so it’s not been easy for me to write off. Was clearly easy for him though

Don't beat yourself up about it. If you like him, it was worth a go by sending that text. Nothing to lose by sending it. He's already passed judgement though, by the sound of it, so don't expect anything from it. I suppose it's like a bad interview really, you just need to learn from it and don't make that mistake again.

I kept going over it as the start of the date seemed to go really well. We went ice skating first and it was really fun, he said lots of nice things and then we went to a beer hut for drinks and live music.

So annoyed at myself!

You had nothing to lose by sending it, at least you won't wonder what would have happened if you hadn't. He has the right to ignore it and move on, but you know that so if he doesn't respond then you're no worse off than if you hadn't sent it, and you've learned that you need different strategies to deal with 'first date nerves' than getting sozzled.

Just checked and the text now says read.

I think you have to take this as a lesson learned, OP.

I'd hate it if I met a guy who proceeded to get drunk and 'very chatty' on our first date. I'd certainly wonder if he was a bit of a lush on the sly and would be wary about meeting again.

I think I came across very indifferent to the whole thing, which was the opposite of how I was feeling!

No reply so far.

Ah fingers crossed for you op. You never know, maybe he thought you didn't like him,,,,what with hitting on the barman

Seriously though, good luck.😄

Thank you. Not holding out hope and feel a bit silly for sending it.

I think alcohol on first dates should be kept to a bare minimum. You'll never get the real impression of someone otherwise.

I think you just wanted to let your hair down and go a bit wild - I get that! you just chose the wrong occasion!

If he replies and it's a green light to a 2nd date, do it with one or no drinks. It'll be completely different experience! if red light, onwards & upwards, just a minor blip in the grand scheme of your life. Good luck

Nothing ventured, nothing gained OP.

I have done the same, bit of alcohol for Dutch courage. I was only 17, necking double vodkas, the guy had to take me home and hold my hair while I was sick. We dated for 3 months then till I ended it.

Op I think you did the right thing.

Either he replies thanks but no thanks or he ignore you and you've lost nothing but you get brave points from the Universe for trying.
Or he replies yes, you have a redo and see what happens.

Eother way, as long as you're prepared for him to ignore you / say no, there's nothing to lose

Thanks, feels quite scary though!

Still no answer...he’s at work though. I think I am glad I sent it as I would always have wondered otherwise. I hope he’s not taking the piss out of my text though.